Travel Anxiety...
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Travel Anxiety...
| Fri, 07-01-2005 - 9:58am |
This weekend I am hitching a ride with Mom and step-Dad to Youngstown, Ohio. We are attending a family reunion.
I always stress out when I have to travel. I used to love it, but since being assaulted while traveling I hate leaving my safe bubble here.
If I back out I will probably be looked at as a real mess!
I will be staying with my real Dad which makes me feel more at home than anywhere else but here.
I just cannot stop panicking for some reason. Dad is 79 yrs. old and so I always fear if I don't visit when I have the chance that it could be the last time and I might regret not being able to see him.
I am mainly going for the reason of being with my Dad. The rest of the family is cool, but I have always been a Daddy's girl.
I am having physical symptoms of anxiety even though I am on meds for it.
I know I need to go. I have backed out of other trips and visits and they seem or try to be understanding, but I know they are also disappointed.
I just hate leaving my home and Sheila (who has to work) and my pets. I want my own bedroom and bathroom and comforts of my home where I feel safe. I have no idea what to pack. I am uptight, stressed out, in a crabby mood and worrying about the whole trip there and back. Somehow I have lost my travel interets.
I get so sick with stress of having to leave my home for long periods of time. This is highly embarrassing to me. Now only you ladies and my immediate family and friends know this.
I guess I just needed to vent as I feel like I am having a heart attack when I am getting things ready to go. Part of me wants to just be there but the rest of me does not want to leave home. I have this gagging thing in my throat and my heart and pulse keep racing. I just want to crawl into bed and make it all go away. I have to leave early Saturday morning and have a 7 hour drive. It will seem quick since I will have mom and step-dad to chat with but... I want to stay here. I know like other times I will then hate myself for not going and regret that I missed out on the visit.
God, I hate this!!!
I always stress out when I have to travel. I used to love it, but since being assaulted while traveling I hate leaving my safe bubble here.
If I back out I will probably be looked at as a real mess!
I will be staying with my real Dad which makes me feel more at home than anywhere else but here.
I just cannot stop panicking for some reason. Dad is 79 yrs. old and so I always fear if I don't visit when I have the chance that it could be the last time and I might regret not being able to see him.
I am mainly going for the reason of being with my Dad. The rest of the family is cool, but I have always been a Daddy's girl.
I am having physical symptoms of anxiety even though I am on meds for it.
I know I need to go. I have backed out of other trips and visits and they seem or try to be understanding, but I know they are also disappointed.
I just hate leaving my home and Sheila (who has to work) and my pets. I want my own bedroom and bathroom and comforts of my home where I feel safe. I have no idea what to pack. I am uptight, stressed out, in a crabby mood and worrying about the whole trip there and back. Somehow I have lost my travel interets.
I get so sick with stress of having to leave my home for long periods of time. This is highly embarrassing to me. Now only you ladies and my immediate family and friends know this.
I guess I just needed to vent as I feel like I am having a heart attack when I am getting things ready to go. Part of me wants to just be there but the rest of me does not want to leave home. I have this gagging thing in my throat and my heart and pulse keep racing. I just want to crawl into bed and make it all go away. I have to leave early Saturday morning and have a 7 hour drive. It will seem quick since I will have mom and step-dad to chat with but... I want to stay here. I know like other times I will then hate myself for not going and regret that I missed out on the visit.
God, I hate this!!!
Hugs,
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html

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I called my Mom to talk me through it. It helps but, then it comes back again. I am going through the motions of getting ready and procrastinating, lol.
Thank you so much for your post.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
(((((((((Laurie)))))))))) I will be thinking of you this weekend and hope all goes well. I absolutely love to travel, but I can be a homebody too. I always look forward to coming back home to the comforts of my routine and stuff.
Just keep focusing on the wonderful time you will spend with your dad!
Hugs,
I agree with TiNG on this one Laurie.
aka
{{{{{{{{Laurie}}}}}}}}. May I give a gentle suggestion? why don't you take something from your home, a picture of Sheila, and something like one of your pillows from home. Try taking something to read, or maybe a cd player with some of your favorite cds. Or why don't you just look at the scenery outside of the car window as you travel.
{{{{{{{{Larie}}}}}}}}}.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
You will do just fine. Sheila and the Fur Kids will be fine, too. Just think about all the fun you will have. Maybe you can drive part of the way. And remember, it could be worse... You could be traveling by bus and have a layover and transfer in NYC! Also remember... If I could travel partway across the country by myself, you can do it, too... And you will have family with you... And your family is really cool!
~Ginny~ <-- Click to send me email
C >^. A .
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW (((((((((((((Laurie))))))))))))))))))))
It kills me to see you so distressed! There is a song that I listen to by Mandy Shaw, and there are some words that always bring me comfort no matter where I go....
"I swallowed my fear with my stomach in my throat, and I remember what a good friend told me long ago...'You take yourself with you where you go, no matter where you hide, fates gonna know, patience endurance head high will strong, God speed my love'......right on"
Sending my travel angel to be by your side and prayers that you find the courage and strength to fight the fear inside, so you can be free.
hugs
halo
Edited 7/1/2005 10:40 pm ET ET by halo_hvn
hugs
halo
I am taking anti-anxiety meds twice a day. (Doc say's it is ok)
I talked to my mom and sister and that helped too.
We call home "Our own little biosphere." I miss it when I am gone. It is just so comforting to be here.
I am sure I will have a good time once I get there. Nights are the toughest for me especially when I am away from home.
This is why I had to stop doing stand up comedy full time. To much travel.
Thank you, and like you said, I will focus on the wonderful time I will have and be home in time to watch fire works with Sheila from our front yard!!
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
I am doing just as you and ting say. I posted to ting so I won't repeat.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
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