Travel Anxiety...
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Travel Anxiety...
| Fri, 07-01-2005 - 9:58am |
This weekend I am hitching a ride with Mom and step-Dad to Youngstown, Ohio. We are attending a family reunion.
I always stress out when I have to travel. I used to love it, but since being assaulted while traveling I hate leaving my safe bubble here.
If I back out I will probably be looked at as a real mess!
I will be staying with my real Dad which makes me feel more at home than anywhere else but here.
I just cannot stop panicking for some reason. Dad is 79 yrs. old and so I always fear if I don't visit when I have the chance that it could be the last time and I might regret not being able to see him.
I am mainly going for the reason of being with my Dad. The rest of the family is cool, but I have always been a Daddy's girl.
I am having physical symptoms of anxiety even though I am on meds for it.
I know I need to go. I have backed out of other trips and visits and they seem or try to be understanding, but I know they are also disappointed.
I just hate leaving my home and Sheila (who has to work) and my pets. I want my own bedroom and bathroom and comforts of my home where I feel safe. I have no idea what to pack. I am uptight, stressed out, in a crabby mood and worrying about the whole trip there and back. Somehow I have lost my travel interets.
I get so sick with stress of having to leave my home for long periods of time. This is highly embarrassing to me. Now only you ladies and my immediate family and friends know this.
I guess I just needed to vent as I feel like I am having a heart attack when I am getting things ready to go. Part of me wants to just be there but the rest of me does not want to leave home. I have this gagging thing in my throat and my heart and pulse keep racing. I just want to crawl into bed and make it all go away. I have to leave early Saturday morning and have a 7 hour drive. It will seem quick since I will have mom and step-dad to chat with but... I want to stay here. I know like other times I will then hate myself for not going and regret that I missed out on the visit.
God, I hate this!!!
I always stress out when I have to travel. I used to love it, but since being assaulted while traveling I hate leaving my safe bubble here.
If I back out I will probably be looked at as a real mess!
I will be staying with my real Dad which makes me feel more at home than anywhere else but here.
I just cannot stop panicking for some reason. Dad is 79 yrs. old and so I always fear if I don't visit when I have the chance that it could be the last time and I might regret not being able to see him.
I am mainly going for the reason of being with my Dad. The rest of the family is cool, but I have always been a Daddy's girl.
I am having physical symptoms of anxiety even though I am on meds for it.
I know I need to go. I have backed out of other trips and visits and they seem or try to be understanding, but I know they are also disappointed.
I just hate leaving my home and Sheila (who has to work) and my pets. I want my own bedroom and bathroom and comforts of my home where I feel safe. I have no idea what to pack. I am uptight, stressed out, in a crabby mood and worrying about the whole trip there and back. Somehow I have lost my travel interets.
I get so sick with stress of having to leave my home for long periods of time. This is highly embarrassing to me. Now only you ladies and my immediate family and friends know this.
I guess I just needed to vent as I feel like I am having a heart attack when I am getting things ready to go. Part of me wants to just be there but the rest of me does not want to leave home. I have this gagging thing in my throat and my heart and pulse keep racing. I just want to crawl into bed and make it all go away. I have to leave early Saturday morning and have a 7 hour drive. It will seem quick since I will have mom and step-dad to chat with but... I want to stay here. I know like other times I will then hate myself for not going and regret that I missed out on the visit.
God, I hate this!!!
Hugs,
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html

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So, thank you because I was just going to leave it here but I feel better that I am taking it with me.
I keep telling myself it is only for two nights. Dad said I could bring one or two of the dogs with me if I want too, but we have dinner reservations for ten when we get there before we go to the house so that's out. lol.
I think my computer will be good.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
I just really hate leaving my home. I usually do have a good time once I get there. I hate making stops on the way two. Never feels safe. I think my meds are calming me down a bit.
Thank you for posting.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
The meds seem to calm the physical effects but, my brain still keeps thinking about it. I still get the stomach flops though and some pounding in my chest. It is unpleasant but not as bad as without the meds.
I will miss my little family here at home so much.
Monday is Sheila and my 8th anniversary so I will make it home in time for her to get off work and our usual sitting out to watch the fireworks.
So, It really is a special weekend for me and us.
I do worry about the fur babies because they always have me around to depend on.
I used to love to travel and did plenty of it. I just cringe now at the idea.
I always have a good time once I get there though.
Please do e-mail me about your photography questions. If I don't know the answers I will get them for you.
I have decided to take my laptop with me since it has all my little comforts on it. My pics of home and fur kids, games, music etc. So, I feel good about that. I took it with me to Sheila's parents at Christmas and it was comforting to have.
Plus I can dump my photos and videos in to my computer while I am gone to make room for taking more.
Welllll.... I guess I better think about going to bed. 6:30 a.m. will be here to soon.
I wish everyone a safe and happy weekend!
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
I will keep this on my laptop so that I can read it. I really love the words.
Maybe you can tell me what the title is and I can download it. It is nice to have someone sing to me.
Do you sing this on Wednesday nights?
Sweet, thank you. I really am saving those words.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
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