I have a serious thing to reveal....
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| Mon, 07-04-2005 - 10:58pm |
I have a serious thing to reveal....
Last night, I wanted to hurt myself. I called Crisis Intervention. Now, please, understand, that there are somethings going on, that goes beyond some things that no one has been able to get out of me.
I have been holding myself "hostage". I have been in my apartment for 4 solid weeks. I have only been out to go to church, and maybe go downstairs to get a soda, or get my mail.
I've been watching dvds, and video cassettes. I have to force myself to eat, but I really don't want to. I have been taking my meds, but I have to go back to my mental health clinic to get some more meds. I haven't been taking my meds correctly. Even though I'm not sleeping all day, but my sleeping is getting back to normal (whatever that means).
Anyway, the person on the other side of the phone has convinced me to do something else to take my mind off of hurting myself. I've also been thinking about going back to using drugs, and maybe drinking again. I went to chat, but I was very angry and sad, at the same time. I had to leave chat, because I just got fed up. I thought I would post a few things, and then get off of my computer. I haven't been socializing, I have no intention to. I have been "wrestling" with myself. The good side won. But the bad side is still waiting to come out. Sometimes I go through this, and fortunately, I didn't take it any farther than it had to go.
My apartment, every now and then gets messy, but if I'm interested I clean it up a bit.
The bad side, made the person on the other side of the phone, to not call the police, or have anyone from Crisis Intervention to come out and visit me. But the good side, told the person on the other side of the phone, where I lived. But I made the person promise to not call anyone. Well, now it has gotten down to one minutes at a time. At the moment, I feel ok. But I can't speak for the rest of the week.
Thank you for you're attention. Believe me this may or may not be a cry for attention or help. I just needed to say what I've been going through.
Thanks again.

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C >^. A .
I know this dark place you are in. I have been there myself. I took a handful of zanax once and ended up in the hospital and on the physc ward at the V.A.
First of all at the top of the pages you can click on the link to the health and well being boards to find the depression help board etc.
For a more immediate fix, I believe if you are feeling this way and need to call the crisis intervention again you shoulod let them send someone out. Honest, gigi, I told know one and did not seek help and I actually swallowed the pills. Sheila woke one a fluke and called 911. If you do not ask for help you just might do the final act.
I am now gratefull to be here. I still have alot of issues to deal with like chronic pain and some physical limitations.
I also know that getting the help and getting back on my meds correctly has been very effective.
I hope that you will choose to stay with us gigi. You really do touch people even though you do not know it. I would very much miss you and hate to here that you chose such a final act.
You can feel free to e-mail me for my phone number again if you need to. I think it has changed since last time. There is no shame in seeking help or crying out for attention. Do whatever it takes to help you through this. Better to let people know and to seek help.
I do know that having these thoughts is a serious matter and can lead to harming yourself or killing yourself.
If you have a plan then it is more serious. Please answer me honestly and tell me if you do have a plan.
Please do not be afraid to call for help, instead, be afraid not to. Sitting there alone in your deepest darkest thoughts makes it easier to convince yourself that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Some of these deep dark things that you do not talk about might be helped if you do talk about them to someone you trust. The counselor or doctor or a trusted friend. Also if the give you inpatient care and group it is good to get these things out. I used to be a counselor (not liscensed now) and trust me, there is nothing you can say to a counselor that could suprise them or cause them to judge you.
If you get help they will give you a counselor to talk to who will not ever discuss you or your personal things with anyone. The only thing they ever have to report is if you confess to a murder.
So, I urge you to let them help you. And do not allow pride, guilt or shame stand in the way of getting real help.
I know you will have my support and I am sure the support of the other's on this board.
I love you and do not want to hear that anything bad has happened to you.
I would miss you and all of your alter egos and stories and everything else about you that I do know.
It is ok to get help gigi. It is so much better than the alternative.
I also have to say that I know that you have to be minimizing this here on the board. So I am sure that you are in a deeper darker place than you have posted. I also believe that you have a plan if you have come this far to post about it or call the crisis intervention line. So, IMHO, this is serious.
I love you my friend,
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://peppiedunbar.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=peppiedunbar&
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Gigi my noble friend,
Its a big step to have shared what you did with us and that means alot.
aka
(((((((((((((((Gigi)))))))))))))
Sending you big hugs!
andie
(((((((((((((GiGi)))))))))))))))))
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You have my number, call anytime, Richmond is not that far away. Please follow all the advice you have received here from the board. We all love you! I'm not good at this type of advice, I have never had to deal with these issues on a personal level. SO, no great and powerful words from the great Wizard of Oz! I can only say that I don't want anything to happen to you, and one day soon this summer we will have that trip to the beach to take. Hang in there friend!
hugs
halo
hugs
halo
Gigi, I was wondering what happened to you in chat the other night.
Please check in with us, I am really worried right now. Email me if you don't want to post bethh137@yahoo.com.
(((((hugs)))))
Here are a few other boards you may want to check out if you have not done so already:
Self Injury http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhselfinjury
Suicidal thoughts and feelings http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhsuicidesur
((((((((((((( Gigi )))))))))))))
Holding tight to my sweet knight
Luvs,
Robin
**Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**
(((((((((((Gigi))))))))))))
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