Need advice about live-in girlfriend
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| Wed, 07-06-2005 - 11:47am |
Ok, let me set the stage for you....
My gf moved in with me and my kids 13 months ago. I am still leagally married but my stbx lives in Houston but we both still own the home I am living in. We are great friends and he is supportive of my relationship.
When my gf moved in we agreed she would pay me $500.00 per month for rent, utilities etc... Because my stbx and I still own the home I did not feel it was right for her to live here with me for free when he still helps support the house and the kids ( we have 3). He sends money each month for bills etc....
She paid me on a semi regular basis ( she missed two or three months) but has not paid me since February. In addition to that, her daughter moved in here with us in Feb and we also got a family plan for our cell phones which included her daughter and my oldest. the idea was to split the bill 50/50 since it was her and her daughter and me and mine.
I never asked her for any additional money each month when her daughter moved in either.
In a nutshell, I feel like I am supporting her. She has not paid rent since Feb and has only split the phone bill with me once. I buy all the groceries and pay all the other household bills. She will pick up some stuff if we need it at wal-mart and if just her and I go out she will pay for dinner or a movie if I let her! She has bought small items for the house and recently we did some landscaping and she paid for mulch and flowers and some other small things.
We have just recently started redecorating our living room and I bought new furniture, a new area rug and some pictures. She paid for nothing!!
I am just so confused about the whole thing. If my stbx did not own this house I would not be worrying about it so much but he does and I feel like I am using him. She does contribute some, but no where near the $500 per month we agreed on.
I am afraid to say anything to her because I know how she is going to respond. She is going to feel like this is not her home and she is just some roomate paying rent. I have made the referance to this being My HOUSE in discussions and he has gotten angry. I'm sorry but I feel that way. Especially since she hasn't paid her part in so long.
Now, she does a lot around here to keep the house running. Laundry, yard work etc... but is that a fair trade??? Also, her daughter moved back in with her dad last week!
I am so confused.....I don't know what to do!!

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I'm very proud of you!! Sometimes it's easier for me to write a letter or a e-mail than to talk face to face. I feel like I can get everything out I needed to say without punking out!
You said you got emotional? (It's because you care so much)
It wasn't something you had to bring up because you were trying to be mean - you needed help and you cannot get it if you don't ask for it.
You said you don't want your relationship to be based on money? When your in a relationship with somebody and they are living with you money is a part of that relationship. When your in a relationship it should not be one sided in any area. A relationship means to share (50-50).
Example - you give her all the love in the world and she doesn't show you any love at all (treats you like trash).
I'm sending some of my will power out to you so you can stick to your guns about getting help with the household.
LOL
Angel
This is terrific news, and I'm really pleased for you both. Keep up the communication, work on your shared goals and I can really see you both making a happy and harmonious home together. Congrats, hon :)
~ Nony
That's awesome!! You should be so proud of yourself for having the courage to take that step!!
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