Confused - what should I call myself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Confused - what should I call myself?
11
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 10:47pm

I can't believe I'm actually admitting this, but I don't know how to define my sexuality. I don't feel like I'm straight, but I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or a lesbian either. I know that at 21 I should probably already have figured this all out, but it seems like I feel differently every day and I'm just not at all sure yet who I am. I was thinking about it earlier, and I generally just think of myself as queer.

Has anyone else experienced any confusion about sexuality? How did you manage to get it all figured out? Is anyone still feeling conflicted, like me? Do you think it's wrong to simply think of myself as queer?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 11:21pm


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 12:23am
Hi Pink,
Just be you. Forget the lables for now at least. Later if you get more cozy and start smoking cigars and wearing mens shirts and ties like gigi, we can probably say butch. But you also might like that and still feel femme. So I say do not worry about what to call yourself other than by your name.
Just be true to yourself, the rest will work it's way out.
And welcome back!
Hugs,
Laurie
Check out my new blog.
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
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Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 2:00am
hiya pinkie.....lol(can I call ya that?lol)
my two cents.....I don't use the words "queer","dyke",I hate "lesbo"......just I find them to be too negative......I have seen them many places and try to ignore them,....not saying they are wrong....we all have words that get under our skin.....how about not calling yourself anything but "your name here"lol.....I mean I didn't come out til 23....and well actually it was rather easy for me.....maybe to easy after seeing how others fight with it so....guess my big brother paved the way for me.....oh yeah add "homo " to my list,lol.....the only word that ever got him fighting mad when we were young was "fag" yeah I suck when I called him that....already gave him my deepest apologies for years now ......anyway.....my true love and I mean that in every sense of the word was honest and loving,open,the best woman I ever knew in my life(except for my mom) and well she was married.....left him for me before I even knew she had feelings for me......anyway....she had NEVER thought of a woman before....my friends used to say what do you classify yourself as....she would reply that she is in love with another person......she didn't have any label...she loved me....for me,not my gender......not sure why or how and well we didn't question that....my first kiss told me who I was,not sure if you have kissed a lady as of yet....but that told me all I needed to know.....Yes I am gay,I am a lesbain....maybe when the time is right you will say I am a lesbian or you will say I am in love with "her name here"lol...I have dated bi women and well my first gf was like...if we broke up ,not sure if she would date a man or a woman next.....guess basically look past the breasts,look past the whatever,fall for that person....not there gender.....if she is "title crazy"(whoever you meet) and insists you call yourself a LESBAIN proudly maybe she isn't the one for you.....Be yourself......I am ,lol...I stand out for it......just be you and go with your heart....my two cents is all.....welcome in case I forgot to say that and no one has a certian time when they find out what they want.....I learn more everyday between who I want,versus who I need......have a great weekend,Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 12:00pm

You are right that queer kind of does sound like it means odd. I'm not really sure how I meant it. Someone told me once that you can call yourself queer if you don't really know what else to call yourself, but I think you are right that it does sound sort of degrading. I'm glad, too, that you don't think 21 is too old not to know exactly who I am. I think what is right for me at this point is to fall in love with the person, not the gender. Although, I would need someone to fall in love with first. But I need to be patient - I was just saying that the other day!

Thanks so much for your kind words and your wonderful, honest advice! I definitely appreciate it! I hope that you are having a wonderful weekend. It's been great getting to know you better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 12:05pm

Thank you! You just made me feel so much better. I've been worrying about this so much lately. One thing I am sure about is that whatever else I am, I am definitely a femme. I am very girly, and I love being a girl. But I think I'm attracted to other girls who are more butch than me, but not always. I definitely need to just fall in love with the person, not the gender.

I hope that you are having a wonderful weekend! I'm really enjoying getting to know you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 12:05pm

Hi, Pink!


I am 40, and am just becoming clear about my sexuality!


And what I knew first was that I was falling for a woman. Then, I realized that my interest in men had disappeared. So, now I think "lesbian" is probably the term that fits best, although I started out thinking "bisexual".


Give yourself plenty of time to figure it out, and as others have said, don't worry so much about labels.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 12:08pm

You are definitely right that I need to fall for the person, not the gender. For some reason, that just gives me so much hope. It makes me feel like everything will work out somehow.

I hope that you have a great weekend, too. I'm really enjoying getting to know you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 12:42pm

Just thought I might as well throw in my 2 cents worth here. Believe me when I say 21 is still quit young and you have your whole life ahead of you to find out just who you really are. I started my life out believing I was straight but as the years went by I realized I liked women for more then just friendship so I then considered myself as bisexual. After two marriages and the age of 47 I finally came to the realization that it was a woman I wanted to share the rest of my life with. I'm now 55 and have been with the same woman for 8 years now so I guess you could definatly say I am a lesbian. She means the world to me and if for some reason her and I were not together any longer there is no doubt in my mind it would be a woman I would be looking for. So just enjoy your life and when the time is right you will know what you want and who you are.

Kea

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 12:52pm

LOL! Well, as Laurie said, I do wear shirts and ties, and I do smoke cigars, but I've been comfortable in being myself. and I'm comfortable in being a butch. But, I would like to get to know the woman behind the label.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Sat, 07-16-2005 - 11:34pm
Thanks for sharing your story with me - it really does give me a lot of hope!

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