How do you love again ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
How do you love again ?
18
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 3:05pm

Ok, time for Robin to let it out and ask for some advice. This is always hard for me, because I really hate asking anyone to help me ( as you see I'm trying to get over this ).


Now that I'm single, and free to be me w/ whomever I pick, how do I do this ? I havn't dated in 20 years! I'm not shy in any sence of the word ( LOL ) but the only people that seem to hit on me are horny ( sorry if

Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 4:33pm
AWWWWW WOBIN,
I guess I just always kept my heart opened so, I would be ready when that special one did come along.
I have been through both good bad and indifferent relationships. I always knew I'd have to go through alot of relationships to find that special one, that's what makes it so special. If it was so easy to find it would not be special, it would be typical.
So just keep that heart of yours open, when a person hurts you or is bad for you, it does not mean you have to shut down your heart to everyone, maybe just to that one.
I did finally realize when a person treats you bad it is not because you are a worthless person, it is because they are not worth it. They usually treat other people bad too. I have found this out with some of my EX's. They are still treating people badly. So it is not what is wrong with me, it is what is wrong with them? Make sense?
Never let a person take away your self worth or self respect. Actually they cannot take it but you can choose to give it to them or not.
When you feel bad about yourself people pick up on that. When you feel good about yourself other people pick up on that.
Keeping your heart open for the right person will let you feel better about yourself because, you won't have that guarded, don't get to close to me vibe in your wake. People pick up on that. And then when they stay away from you you feel bad that you cannot find someone and then you start wondering what is wrong with you and then you are in that I feel bad, something is wrong with me mode.
Just start dating and even ask people out that you are interested in. If you feel red flag warnings going up, just tell them that it is just not working out for you.
Don't wait for someone to change because, some people just don't want to or they think you need to change. If someone has to change who they are in a relationship then it is not the right relationship.
Sorry to ramble here.
I hope some of this makes sense, lol.
Hugs,
Laurie
Check out my new blog.
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://didoangst.blogspot.com/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 6:38pm
hey there......I have no answers.....I have been roaming single -hood with small relationships here and there with no luck for ummm(counting)4 years now I guess.....I guess well when you know it is time to open her heart to the right lady you will know.....I am not sure....just thought maybe it would help to know there are others of us out here.....best of luck to you,Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 7:23pm

I can understand about trying to love again. I've gone through it too many times. But, I know that after the last relationship I had it was a bad one. Ever since then, between my body, mind and spirit healing, I feel as though I'm ready to be in another relationship. But, this time around I'm not putting up with too much from my next girlfriend. And I know that sounds really foreboding to whoever, but I don't have the patience to put up with bull.

My heart has always be open to the one that wishes to get to know me, but as my knight has done, she has put her heart behind her breastplate, and she wears a temporary chastity belt (believe it or not)! I don't think I could survive another mental or physical collapse. So, I have to be careful this time, but not to the point of paranoia.

I hope that sheads some light on my experience. But, sometimes, it's good to be open, but cautious.

Hugs!




Edited 7/21/2005 10:18 pm ET ET by igentleheart

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 9:59pm
I just wanted to say that I'm in a similar place, and I'm also very lonely. So you aren't alone. I've had my heart broken once very badly, and it has been very hard for me to trust again. I still haven't quite gotten the hang of it, unfortunately. I wish I had some advice that worked, but I don't. I've done all the wrong things to forget about the person who broke my heart, so all I can say is to try to keep things in perspective. You will find someone wonderful who will love you and who won't break your heart. I'm sorry that I couldn't be of more help, and I know that each situation is different, but I think that I'm sharing some of the feelings that you are. I hope that you feel better soon!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 11:20pm
(((((((((Robin))))))))) I wrote/typed out a bit of a

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 7:00am

I truly believe that Love comes in its own time where and when

 *Hugs ~  Caly

aka  

Avatar for poohntgr0163
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 9:19am
(((((((Robin)))))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 10:58am

Hello Robin,

From experience you live and learn!! You forgive but you never forget. And move on. First making sure your really ready to start again. You must first heal your own heart. And when it is - never give all of it at once - give a little at a time.

It's like you have to cleanse yourself of the hurt you been through. You cannot judge or hold what has happened in the pass against that new person. Or hold it and not try your luck again.

What has happen to you has made you a stronger person - not only a stronger person but a wiser person.

Open yourself up and be free!!

LOL
Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 5:41pm

(((((( Laurie ))))))


LOL, yes it all makes sense. Thanks for all

Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 5:45pm

(((((( Jo ))))))


It does help to know that I'm not alone. Thanks for reminding me of that, I guess I'm having a bit of a pity party.


Big hugs,

Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

Pages