Made an important discovery about self!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Made an important discovery about self!
8
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 12:31pm

I was having a rather introspective night yesterday. It started when I was chatting on instant messager, and my mom called me for dinner by saying, "Tell your boyfriends good bye and come eat your dinner." So this, of course, made me think about the guys I have dated in the past.

In the past, I always felt as though I had to date guys because they seemed to like me so much. But guys make me miserable. If I continue to date them and try to fall in love with them, I think I will go crazy. (If I am not crazy already - right? *haha*) I was lying in bed, envisioning this horrible road of misery, like a highway shimmering in the heat, stretching out for the rest of my life.

I didn't really come to any conclusions, but somehow I felt better for realizing that dating guys makes me miserable. I feel like it is something I've been trying to figure out for years, and I have only just recently been able to put my finger on it. I know that probably sounds really odd, but for some reason, I feel really happy today.

I feel like now maybe I can start to overcome my problems with depression. I know it won't be easy at all and that it won't just go away, but I feel like I've at least figured out part of my problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 6:20pm

I'm glad that you have had the time to do some thinking. That's the best part about meditating, you get to relax, and just take it easy on yourself. I hope that we can still chat with each other. I enjoy getting to speak with you.

Hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2005
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 8:27pm

Hi pinkstar84,

I think self discovery is a lifetime adventure.

take care,

rj

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 9:27pm
Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 9:34pm
Thank you! I really enjoy chatting with you, too. You give such great advice!
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 11:27pm

>>I feel like now maybe I can start to overcome my problems with depression. I know it won't be easy at all and that it won't just go away, but I feel like I've at least figured out part of my problem.<<

OMG woman, I SOOO hear you. I've been struggling with depression for many years... and I've been in and out of destructive & unhealthy relationships for many years. Coincidence? Maybe. Which is the cause & which is the effect? They both just feed off each other.

I've been on meds for almost a year and have made a lot of positive changes in my life, which has brought me to a point where I finally feel capable of having a good healthy, positive & honest relationship, which I've found recently and it's just amazing. Not only do I understand myself so much better, but I've met this fabulous understanding woman who totally gets my ups & downs & occasional weird moods and doesn't think any less of me for it.

For me, I don't think it's so much that "dating *guys* made me miserable" per se, but that the *individuals* I got involved with were just as unhealthy and dysfunctional as I was. And that getting *myself* to a better place within myself, has allowed me to find another healthy, mature, together type of person.

For whatever that all is worth. Good for you!! Any type of new insight is usually a step in a good direction. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 11:56am


I know how you feel. Ever since I can remember I had people telling me your going to be the perfect wife. Some man is going to be very lucky. Ever since I was little and even now I'm little Miss Suzie home maker.

I have guy's hit on me all the time. I get asked on dates on a daily (I always refuse). But I've come to the point in my life that I sat down and really thought about things. Guy's really make me miserable. Every man has run over top of me, has been abusive in ever way, and I'm sick of trying to be someone or something that I'm not.

I was told I needed a man in my children's life because I'm a single mom. So I got married that was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I was miserable. I felt myself self shrinking. I felt myself slowly but surely going crazy shrinking away until I was numb. I found myself going to the doctors alot. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I just kept getting sicker and sicker. I lost a lot of weight which I could not afford to lose in the first place. I found myself lying in bed at night with the cover up to my neck holding them so tight and crying myself to sleep without making a sound. I got so bad I felt I was in a daze.

We then enrolled in marriage cons. We did the first couple together. I came out of the room crying - it was a room I sat in and didn't say a word (I was told I wasn't allowed before we went into the room). After two sessions of this she broke us up. I attended my first session (I remember being so scared). She made me start from when I was very little explaining my life - what the man have been like. She made explain what I felt when a guy touched me - when I was with a guy (friend or lover).

Anyway - long story (cutting it short). She told me to leave him. If I ever wanted to be happy I really need to get to know myself. I needed to stop thinking about finding a father for my children (because I thought that's the right thing to do). And stop listening to family about I need a husband/man in my life. Stop being miserable every minute of the day trying to please everyone else.

I'm now finding myself. I'm going to be happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 2:42pm
Thanks for sharing your story with me. You are an amazing woman!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 2:44pm
Thank you!!!