Problem with mother - please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Problem with mother - please help!
9
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 11:14am

I'm having a little problem with my mom, and I was wondering if anyone could make some suggestions as to how I could deal with this situation.

Okay, so I've been practicing backing down and out of the driveway since I just got my driver's license, and sometimes it's necessary for me to either back the car down or out of the driveway. I asked my mom to help me because I don't want to tear up the grass, and I'm just trying to be cautious. Well, she is awful! She yells at me and gets really frustrated if I can't do it on the first try. She also grabs the wheel from me and wrenches it to the right or to the left instead of just telling me which way she thinks I should turn it. This seems really dangerous to me anyway, since if I hit the gas while she is wrenching the wheel away from me, we could fly into the yard or a tree or something. I'm not sure why she is doing this since I'm trying to just take my time and be careful. She just isn't very patient. She wants me to do it just like that, and she gets mad if I try to just take my time and get it right.

How can I tell her to just relax and be patient? I thought she would be pleased that I asked her to help me practice since they want me to be a cautious driver, but I think it would actually be safer if I just practiced backing up and down the driveway by myself! What do you all think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 12:30pm

Well, I can relate to mom wanting to help, but the only way that I would learn how to do something is to do it myself. No one can do it for you. She's just being a mom.

I can't stand for my mom to be in the same car as me. I have only had her in my car, a few times, (that is when I was driving). I've asked her to put her seatbelt on, and if she's going to smoke to open the window. Now, what does that have to do with driving? Well, it seems as though your mom has forgotten what it's like to be driving for the first time. Personally, I can't stand it if someone is yelling at me when I'm behind the wheel of a several ton vehicle, not only does it hurt my ears, it also stresses me out.

But, if I'm giving her a reason to get upset, then I can understand, But if I'm not, what's the problem?

Personally, I think you should take your time, and practice by yourself. Doing it while you're upset and angry isn't going to help matters. Of course, being the smartbutt that I am, I would patiently park the car, stop the engine, take my seatbelt off, and get out of the car, and just walk away. And when I've calmed down, get back in the car and start over again.

As always, just a suggestion.

Hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 8:16pm

As one who taught mah eldest to drive (youngun isn't there yet, phew!) one has to have the patience of a saint, and remember we aren't perfect, we all had to learn, etc. My ex would go nuts if she was driving, and I'd catch it myself for asking her to chill!


Anyway... it sounds like your mom is nervous, and she is micromanaging your driving. At some point she is going to have to get in the car with you, and close her eyes until you arrive at a given destination. If your mom can do this without bloody screaming and flipping out, you will have accomplished something.


At the time I taught my daughter, she was totally ticked at me for having two standard transmissions, and goddess I'd hear an earful making her stop and start literally every 30 feet on a backroad, but guess what... when she went for her license, she knew how to drive it, and insisted on taking the test with one of them... and her first car was a standard.


Anyway, the whole patience thing works both ways. Grabbing a wheel is

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 11:02pm
I thought about getting out of the car and just walking away. I don't really know how I stuck it out and kept my temper. I practiced backing out of the driveway myself today because I had to drive into town, and it took me a while, but I did it! I did a good job, too. I didn't hurt the grass at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 11:16pm
Thank you! It's very helpful to get advice and suggestions from a mother who has been there! Reading your post really helped me to understand more about why my mom might feel the way that she does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 11:43pm
I say practice on your own.. She's a

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 9:43am


If your just learning you do not need somebody yelling at you while you are trying it. Take it upon yourself to find someone that can help you but keep their cool at the same time. I know for a fact when my son comes to me in two years I'm not the one to take him out. When it comes to him I lose my noodles very fast. And he does things that he thinks is funny to make me lose it.

Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:08am

You are so sweet, thank you! I think it was so brave of you to take a standard out on your own! I haven't even attempted driving a standard yet. I think I'm going to stick with my automatic for now!

Are you feeling better? I felt so sad when I read your post the other day because you seemed so upset. I just want you to be happy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:11am
Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:34pm

Mom's can be tough if they have no patience at all!

You have already passed your test, take the car out on one of your trips, find an empty parking lot and go practice driving in reverse. Make it challenging for yourself by pretending there are two Jaguar's and you have to back in between them, into the only parking spot available. Once you get comfortable with this then you can back out the driveway like you were riding a bike. Piece of cake and you don't have to have your mom yelling at you and driving you crazy.

I wouldn't have my mom drive with me if she was that controlling, I'd say here you drive and do what I want when I'm alone. Best of Luck....

hugs
halo

hugs

halo