What does a lesbian bring ...
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| Tue, 08-09-2005 - 12:16am |
on a second date?
A U-Haul!
You know, I never thought that joke was very funny but now I know why. What ever happened to dating? Why is it that when I meet someone it has to be all or nothing? I really like this new girl in my life, but kissing one day and talking about living together the next is kinda freakin me out. I don't want to offend her, or run her off but I am free and independent for the very first time in my life and I like it. Financially it scares me a little, but I work alot so it's ok. I can rest when I am old. I don't want to answer to anyone. Is that a crappy thing to say?
I had a husband for 13 years, then a live in girlfriend for the year immediately following my divorce. I want to be alone sometimes. I don't want to have to answer for every little thing I do. On the other hand I feel like if I let this opportunity pass me by there may not be another. How many lesbians live in small town Oklahoma? Not many! Sooo, I'm just thinking out loud here. Any advice?
Hugs, Sandra

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Hi Sandra, it's always best to live by yourself for a while. It's ok to live separately.
I'm still living in my apartment, my new girlfriend has her own home also. I don't plan on moving right away or at all, for the time being, of course. You just met this woman, you couldn't possibly know her that well. I wouldn't want to answer to anyone either, but if you're going to be involved with someone, that's one of the things you're going to have to deal with. Haven't you ever lived by yourself, for the exception of your daughter?
If your new girlfriend likes you, and wants to be with you, let her know how you feel about it. I'm pretty sure she would understand. As always communication is the best thing to do. Please don't take the suggestion that I've just given you the wrong way. I just think if you need to be alone, periodically, then what's wrong with it?
Hope that helps.
Hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
I would talk to her...
i think she can understand/respect your wishes.....I know I would want you to talk to me if I was her...
I understand,I have had some u-haul dates ...but the last few ladies I dated were not and well I plan to keep it that way......I think you have to get to know some one.....and with my awesome girlfriend I didn't feel I had to explain everything which was so cool...we were our own people....everyone needs space from time to time,....I think that's why we need to get to know people we are seeing,so we'll be able to know when they need/want that space even before they tell us....
but what do I know,lol....my two cents....have a great one,Jo
I think she needs to leave her hubby first or is she thinking of moving in with you while leaving her hubby?
Wanting some time for yourself is fine. Maybe you should talk to her about it. It might not be what she wants but maybe she will understand.
Laurie
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Not only for your chance to have some space but also in her best interest, I would say she needs to find her own place to live while going thru the divorce.
aka
(((((((((Sandra)))))))))
First, I apologize for not giving you a proper "Welcome Back" to the board. I have been wayyyy busy at work and home and haven't been keeping up well. Anyway, I'm very happy that you have found someone to love, someone who is right for you.
The fact that she is wanting to move in so fast sends up a red flag to me. She's about to go through a very painful experience, no matter how much she wants a divorce, and it will take time to go through that and develop her relationship with you. Like Caly said, there are ways to continue to develop your relationship without living together at the moment.
Plus, this needs to be a MUTUAL decision. If you don't feel comfortable with it just yet, then you shouldn't be put into the position of feeling like you have to jump right in to living together.
Laurie
Check out my new blog.
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://didoangst.blogspot.com/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
You know what. She may be feeling the same way you are. She has found someone she wants to be with and is latching on and won't let go. Like you said, it's a small town and ther are not many of you there.
I found myself in the same position as you are. My partner and I were both married when we found each other ( unhappily I might add ) My huband was working and living out of state. Within a month she was talking about moving in. We were head over heels in love but I wish we would have taken it slower. Talk to her, let her know how you are feeling. It's a huge commitment! Think long and hard. A brief time out on her own in her own place may not be a bad idea.
Sandralea,
In your absence, I met a girl who has been separated from her ex girl lover for over a year and we started dating. From the beginning of our dating, she made it very clear that she wasn't interested in a relationship and that since she liked me, wanted to date and get to know me. I respected her wish not to want a relationship from the beginning of our dating. She wanted to make sure that I was not a rebound and that I didn't get hurt. After two months of dating, some things happened and red flags started going up. Everyone on the board here gave me sound advice and we haven't dated since.
What I was grateful for, despite the red flags, was her wishes to not want a committed relationship from jump street. There was never an intention on my part to move in with her, thus the u-haul or to be in a committed relationship either; I liked her and we both were giving us time to know each other and I gave her the space she needed to make her house into a home of her own. It would have been easy for us to fall head over heals for each other, but, we both held back for personal reasons. I'm grateful that we didn't interact on a deep sexual level, because we were able to allow our heads to think with clarity and make right choices for each other.
IMHO, the divorce should be because it's something she wants regardless of her feelings for you. I also believe that she needs to develop the ability to survive on her own and learn from that experience. What would happen to her if she left him for you, moved in with you and then a year or two later, you realize that your not compatible for each other? She will be very resentful at that point and it IMHO it will make things harder for you both should that ever happen. Not to mention the guilt you will feel because she did end her marriage for you. You might be stuck in a bad situation down the road.
Well that's my two cents. Honestly if your love is true, when the dust settles and your still head over heals in love, then you can make a decision later to make that jump into the u-haul.
hugs
halo
hugs
halo
By the way, I didn't know you had a girlfriend, you must have met her while I was MIA - I am SO happy for you Gigi!
Sandr
Thank you, Sandra. Actually, I've just started to talking to danglewash(Angel). And we seem to be getting along ok.
Why do you think no one will be around? You have the ability to have more than just a girlfriend in you life, ya know? Your friends can keep you company as much as a girlfriend can.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
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