its all over

Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
its all over
24
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 11:39pm

well that's that... Nat and I had yet another argument about this so called relationship where I seem to be doing everything and she seems to be doing nothing and once we got through the "but I'm always sick and I cant help that" excuses and all... she finally told me she was never into this relationship in the first place, she was trying to be who I needed her to be because she wanted to make me happy and not hurt me and she had never really considered what she wanted yada yada which makes me a bit angry because I suspected as much 2 years ago and I asked her to be honest with me but it seems it was all make believe... tho she insists she doesnt feel like she was ever not honest and she did want it to work but she cant be who she is not which really sucks because there is nothing I can do to make anything any better. But I guess I am not telling anyone anything they didnt already know huh?

She wants me to be in her life, she would be devastated if she "lost" me, she doesnt want me to take any of this out on her kids... arrggghhh... how do I do that? Isnt that having your cake and eating it too?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: mschiffven
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 10:57pm
Thanks (((((cat))))).
I have alot of catching up to do here look's like.
I hope you are doing alright, I have not heard from you for a few days and I am hoping that is good news. Of course you can call with good news too. I hope that is what is happening with you, good news.
Hugs,
Laurie
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: mschiffven
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 12:55am
(((((Laurie))))) Haven't called cause of several factors.. ~S~ here and spending time.. Just plain tired out..... and wanting to give you and Sheila time for the stuff your going through..
Good news?. Uhhhh .. Good is a word I guess you can use.. Not all better yet.. Working at it and lots of sorry's and talks and I still have my fears/doubts.. I still have anger...

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: mschiffven
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 1:22am
((((((((((cat and ~S~))))))))))
I wish you all the best cat. I am here if you need or want someone to talk or vent too. You know that.
Hugs,
Laurie
Check out my new blog.
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://didoangst.blogspot.com/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
Avatar for mschiffven
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Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: mschiffven
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 5:54pm
it wasnt just her, it was both of us- we each made too many compromises believing we were doing the right thing by each other, but finally realising we could never make anything more of what we had. Trying to do the just friends thing but darn its hard!

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Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: mschiffven
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 6:01pm
thanks Jo- we each know that this is the right thing to do and now we can begin the letting go and moving on process. Its not easy but we will get through it and be better off for it. I am quite angry because I have asked her a zillion times, suspecting all along that she was never really into a relationship but each and every time she has told me I was everything she ever wanted in a partner, she just didnt think she could do the sex thing but she wasnt into that with male partners either.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
In reply to: mschiffven
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 7:38pm

Sounds to me like her words are the words of someone who is building a wall to shut out the pain.


*hugs*

What's the use in regrets
They're just thing we haven't done yet
What are regrets?
They're just lessons we haven't learned yet


Pass In Time ~ Beth Orton

Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: mschiffven
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 9:54pm

Thanks Pam- I'm having good days and bad days, have spent the last couple of days setting myself up so that I dont *need* her- got my phone connected, got my washing machine fixed etc but because of the kids, we will still play big parts in each others lives and that is going to take some time to adjust to.

Neither of us are in a hurry to go off and find someone new.


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Avatar for mschiffven
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Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: mschiffven
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 10:01pm
It's been said that you shouldnt ask the questions unless you are prepared to hear the answers- but some things you just gotta know eh? Prepared or not... {{{{{hugs}}}}}

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Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: mschiffven
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 10:11pm

thanks Beth- I'm sure it will get easier with time and I appreciate being able to come here and vent away even though I havent put a lot into this community lately. I am posting this from my computer at home- yipeeee- and everyone has been so good to me that I didnt set the computer up in the lounge this time, its in my bedroom which means so are all of you ;-)

I'm not looking for a relationship it will have to be one of those things that if it happens it does. I've kind of run out of enthusiasm in that department.


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Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: mschiffven
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 10:22pm

Thank you Pooh- I really appreciated your hugs and your post. I think I made the mistake of putting her at the centre of my world and when that was taken away, its taking me a while to adjust but I have been through it before (under difference circumstances) and I survived pretty much intact so I figure I will probably live through this as well.

When I am here most days being a pest, you just remember you told me to ok?! ;-)


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