its all over

Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
its all over
24
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 11:39pm

well that's that... Nat and I had yet another argument about this so called relationship where I seem to be doing everything and she seems to be doing nothing and once we got through the "but I'm always sick and I cant help that" excuses and all... she finally told me she was never into this relationship in the first place, she was trying to be who I needed her to be because she wanted to make me happy and not hurt me and she had never really considered what she wanted yada yada which makes me a bit angry because I suspected as much 2 years ago and I asked her to be honest with me but it seems it was all make believe... tho she insists she doesnt feel like she was ever not honest and she did want it to work but she cant be who she is not which really sucks because there is nothing I can do to make anything any better. But I guess I am not telling anyone anything they didnt already know huh?

She wants me to be in her life, she would be devastated if she "lost" me, she doesnt want me to take any of this out on her kids... arrggghhh... how do I do that? Isnt that having your cake and eating it too?


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Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: mschiffven
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 10:38pm

ahh Gigi, I knew I could always count on you for your no frills, tell it like it is version of things!

Dont worry, I am not going to be running after her like I was- you are right, she is an adult and old enough to take care of herself. There are however, children involved. I dont think my children became too fond of her in the time we were together, but her children definitely saw me as their other parent and I dont want to be yet another parent figure to walk out of their lives so I am going to have to learn to get over myself and at least be there for them.


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Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: mschiffven
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 10:51pm

I am not in an hurry to find anyone else at all at the moment. I think to be realistic, it was over a long time ago- just needed one of us to say so.

I am working from this Friday for 12 days in a row, should keep me busy and take my mind off things. I am glad I have my job, this board and my online friends who will see more of me now that I am not wasting my energy on a relationship that never was...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: mschiffven
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 1:08am
I hear you on the relationship that never was. I know you put so much time and so much of you into it.
Ever since I have been on this board I have known you to be trying so hard with Nat.
I know you are doing the right thing. I don't mean to just jump straight into a new relationship, just that you will one day find the one you deserve.
I think it is safe to say you tried everything to make that relationship work.
I don't think you should have any regrets.
I went through something like that for three years, I have no regrets about leaving or the time I put into it. I also learned to be more patient in finding the right one.
Hugs,
Laurie
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Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: mschiffven
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 9:01am

Well if you must be there for them, that's fine, but make sure you don't get sucked back in.

Hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


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