Feeling like a bad friend - please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Feeling like a bad friend - please help!
4
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 12:23am

I'm so sorry that I haven't been around much lately. I've just been so busy with the start of the new semester. I'll try to be around more.

In the meantime, I am having a horrible dilemma, and I really need advice. I have a really good friend at my college. She's wonderfully intelligent, has a great sense of humor, and we share lots of common interests. The problem is that she is blind, and she needs some extra help and care. She needs someone to walk her over to the dining hall, tell her all the food that is avaliable, then get the food, and other stuff like that. I absolutely love spending time with her and I don't mind helping her at all, but I have extra credit hours this semester since it's my senior year and I'm pushing to get everything done. Sometimes I only have time to run over to the dining hall and grab some fruit or a quick meal and sometimes I don't even have time to go over there at all. I wish that I could always be there for her when she needs or wants help, but I just can't. It makes me feel really frustrated and disappointed with myself.

I feel like a bad friend and a horrible person. I know she trusts me to help her, and I'm so glad that she does, but I feel so overwhelmed. I want to make sure that she is able to get to the dining hall and cross the street safely and all that kind of stuff, but sometimes I just feel like I'm in it alone. I know she has other friends, but they don't seem as concerned about her as I am, or maybe she just doesn't want to ask them for help. I don't want her to feel as though I'm always too busy to help her, but sometimes I just don't have time to take her places she needs to go and do things for her that she needs done.

What should I do? She's very understanding, and I care about her a lot and feel very blessed to have her in my life, but I don't want to disappoint her or tell her that I can't be there for her every minute. Please don't tell me that it's not my responsibility, because in a sense, it is, and I also realize that she is an adult and I can't be fully responsible for her. Also, she's quite independent with most things, and I don't think she would want me to feel responsible for her.

I'm sorry that I'm rambling. I'm just so worried about this. What can I say to her when I can't help? Should I ask my other friends to help me help her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 1:12am

Your doing the right thing to help, only you need to focus on what you mentioned. I'm not sure about this, but, I do believe that she must be a member of a blind school or other organization, there may be special programs to help her out. You might ask her about these types of organizations. Perhaps there is a program with them or the university, that can assign a volunteer who is not as tied up as you are. Perhaps her other friends know how time consuming it could be to care for someone in her situation, and they need to focus on getting themselves through school. Ask her questions or go to the registrar or other help agencies at the school, and ask them questions. Good Luck, I've cared for a dear friend who had MS like that, and it is very time consuming even if you love that person. God bless you for your efforts.

hugs
halo

hugs

halo

Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 1:19am

You dont have to apologise for not being around, life happens to the best of us - the important thing is you found your way back. Now when I load the board and get a message saying "sorry the board isnt available because pinkstar hasnt posted in such a long time" - then I will hunt you down, ok? lol

I understand how difficult this situation is for you. I do wonder why do you feel like this is your responsibility? Did your friend become blind later in life for some reason or was she born blind?

You are both young adults now and your futures are formed by these years at college. It is unfortunate that your friend has lost her sight, but from what I understand she will always be blind and at some stage of her life she needs to learn to live with her disablity and become independant of her sweet and caring friends - unless you plan on being with her the way you are into through adulthood and into old age? Sooner or later, she will have to make her own way in the world and maybe now is a good time to start?
You need to take this chance you have to get a good education and make the most of it.

I also wonder, did the college not know she was blind when she enrolled? I dont understand why they would take on a blind student and not provide for her?
If she had in mind when she enrolled that you would always do these things for her- I dont know that was really fair on her part?
Are there support groups for the blind there? It's not the dark and lonely world it used to be for people without sight.

I think you must be a very sweet and caring friend to her and I am sure she appreciates you and hopefully will understand that you need to live your life too.


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Avatar for nursepam2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 10:53am

(((((((star)))))))


You are a wonderful friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 11:13am
I have to agree with all of the posts here so far. I do not think I can say it better or add anymore.
Hugs,
Laurie
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