Need thoughts and advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Need thoughts and advice
20
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 9:18pm

Beacuse of my life choices, (i.e. leaving my husband) my mother has COMPLETELY and TOTALLY rejected me.

Carol,  In love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 10:44pm


Even though I have no experience with this, the only thing I can say I know that you're supposed to be happy with your life, and who you choose to spend it with. I've never lived up to my mom's expectations, I've only lived up to my own. I can't see being miserable and living my life how my mom thinks I should live my life. If I had lived my life the way that she wanted me to, I'd have kids (don't get me wrong, I love children)and I would be stuck in an unhappy marriage (rolls eyes). My mom and I have locked horns about how I should live my life, and there have been times when she and I didn't talk about my lifestyle. I guess it took, (at the risk of sounding dramatic)the possiblity of almost losing me in a near-fatal car accident, to realize, that this is my life, and as long as I live it honorably, and respectably, then what's the problem? I know she's your mom, and as it's been said time and again, mom's know just what button to push, my mom has done it many different times.

Comforting hugs

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 7:19am

Thanks Gigi,


I guess it just really bothers me.

Carol,  In love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 9:25am

Awwwwwwwww Kacey you are such a wonderful person. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Families can be really horrible sometimes and it's sad. Thank god I never had that problem with my step mom and dad! I have that problem with my sisters. Their claim to fame is that their sister is a Lesbian. shhhh don't tell anyone. lol

How do I deal with them? I don't! Long ago I figured out that my happiness was more important than trying to fix their problem. Let them go and live in peace. The harder you try, the worse the problem will get. The more you learn what is being given to your ex, it will hurt you even more.

They are choosing this path against you and will stay on it as long as you resist them and try to persuade them to accept you. Your happiness with your life and your children's happiness, will eventually show them how wrong they are. I now have one sister who calls me now. She seemingly has buried that hatchet. I don't trust her though, so I'm very careful about what information I give her. I mostly talk about how great I'm doing and she talks about how bad they are doing. lol It's almost serendipitous. I spoke with an old friend of the family last night and she said I'm doing the right thing by staying away from them. She said we were a dysfunctional family and no matter how hard I tried to fix it, it was never going to get better, because they choose to stay in the drama land that they have created.

My natural mother wanted nothing to do with me for years. As she aged into her 60's, she started calling me for advice and said that I was the only child that was living a good life. She stayed in drama-ville with my other sisters and was tired of dealing with them. So as you can see, maybe in time your mom will see the true happiness that you have. I hope it's sooner than later. My dad always told me to smile and be happy, no one can take that away from you. :)

I'm probably coming down on saturday and would like to catch up with you. Let me know what your plans are. It's a business trip, woo hooooo!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kacey)))))))))))))))))))))))

hugs
halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 10:29am


Your welcome Kacey, my brother, patient man that he is, understands my mom, better than I do, but all in all, my brother has accepted me for who I am. I know I can rely on him.

He understands that I must be happy, in order for me, to not want to destroy my life. And he knows that I'm an individual, I bend to no one's influence. I might listen to a suggestion or two, but I would never allow someone to dictate to me how they think I should live and think.

Hold on, Kacey, it does get better. {{{{{{{{{{Kacey}}}}}}}}}}.

p.s. thank you for your compliment.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 11:29am
Others in your situation give cause for hope, as their reluctant parents eventually came around to some level of acceptance.

Kim
Check out my

Avatar for nursepam2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 11:40am

(((((((Kacey)))))))


Kim is right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 2:42pm

((((((((((((Kacey)))))))))))))


I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure Caly will add her thoughts as she has gone through this with her own mother. By standing her ground but also being willing to help her mother understand who she is, they now have a decent relationship. Her mom even acknowledges me now and accepts that I'm not going away.


Big hugs to you,


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 3:51pm

I too thought that my Mother would Never forgive me because she pretty much told me that when she found out I was a Lesbian. We had 6 long rocky months with little or no contact and the times we talked were fights,

 *Hugs ~  Caly

aka  

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 8:04pm

Thanks Halo.

Carol,  In love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 8:07pm

Thank you for your thoughts Kim.

Carol,  In love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

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