Questions and Input
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Questions and Input
| Mon, 09-12-2005 - 12:27pm |
I spoke to soon. The woman I have been dating has been working on past trauma issues of sexual abuse. She has a therapist. My questions are, has anyone dated someone or been in a relationship, where there is one partner dealing with such emotional stuff? Also,C. does this push and pull with me, and we talk about it. She acknowledges that she likes me,she cares about me and sometimes dating is okay and other times not. She enjoys time spent with me. In the past 3 months, we saw each other on a daily basis. I would sleep over usually on Sat. nothing happens in the bedroom, she can't go to that place yet. All we do is hold hands and hug. That is fine with me and I have told her that. So this Sat. no sleep over, she needs space. I asked her if we were still dating, she said yes, I tried to give the key back to her house, she wouldn't take it. But yet , Sunday night, she calls at 10:15 pm, to say hi. I have lots of patience and we are compatiable in alot ways. We communicate very well. But I don't know what else to do, I have told her that within 2 weeks or less, it has to be her decision to end the dating. I realize that perhaps she is testing me, to see how much patience I have, perhaps to see if I will abandon her. She said she can't give me what I want at this time, and I told her she can't make those assumptions.
I would be more than happy to have just Sat.dinner and movie, and not see each other during the week.
Is this an ending battle, do I stick with it, I have set boundaries on my expectations. But it is so hard.
I hope all is well with everyone, also if anyone knows of a cheap laptop preferably please pass on info. I have search down here, to no avail.
Everyone have a great week :) gracemae59
I would be more than happy to have just Sat.dinner and movie, and not see each other during the week.
Is this an ending battle, do I stick with it, I have set boundaries on my expectations. But it is so hard.
I hope all is well with everyone, also if anyone knows of a cheap laptop preferably please pass on info. I have search down here, to no avail.
Everyone have a great week :) gracemae59

Hey gracemae. I dated a woman last summer who had some trauma issues, not really the same as your situation, but her experience did have enough of an effect on her life that in the end, things did not work out between us. I talk to mutual friends who are still in contact with her, and to this day she has not been seeing anyone else. Apparently she has decided to get the help she needs before going down that road again with anyone, which IMHO is the best thing for her.
Perhaps your instinct to return her key is telling you that she needs to take care of herself before getting involved, as in the case of my ex.
Hello gracemae,
Maybe you should have a bit more patience. I've been in relationships with women that have been raped before, and we've talked about it also. And I've had to have the most patience and tolerance that I've ever had to have. In the beginning, I was given boundaries as to where I couldn't touch and where I could touch, that was fine with me.
At least she's willing to communicate with you and let's you know that she still wants to date you, and she doesn't leave you hanging. Don't stop seeing her, keep seeing her, she needs understanding, and unconditional love, all the things a relationship is supposed to have. It will get better.
I hope you find a laptop soon.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Hi Gracemae,
Only you can ultimately know how much is 'too much' for you in a relationship.
aka
(((((((Gracemae)))))))
You have received some great feedback here.
Each person has a different way of responding to the type of situation you describe.
Pieces of My Life
Yes, I have been in some relationships with people who have alot of baggage as well as people have been with me while I am dealling with alot of baggage.
You have so much good advice here to think about.
What Pan said about demanding that she make a decision is so true. You might just send her running for sure.
She is working with a counselor so that is a good thing. Sometimes it can be emotionaly draining for her and for you I am sure. I don't mean that in a bad way, just that it happens.
You can choose to deal with her the way she is or to move on. All relationships have there ups and downs. You just have to decide who you most want to share the downs with or even if it is worth it to you.
I have to agree with caly that three months is very early in a relationship. In your g/f case I would expect things to move slow and expect times where she might need space when she feels overwhelmed.
The thing is, she did call you. So, I would say her space is just to get her head right. She is working on things with her counselor and sometimes heavy duty things come up. She might need some alone time to just think.
I know when I get out of my counseling sessions I am sometimes so drained I just want to lay down and think to myself.
Sheila and I have been together long enough for me to just say, I am in an emotional fog from counseling and she just knows to keep it light. Or do other things while I just veg.
I hope you are not taking it personally that she would need space. It is about her not about you. She will appreciate you so much more if you do not push her. I have been abused to. Being pushed is the last thing I want. I feel backed into a cornor because that is what abuse makes you feel, like you are backed into a cornor.
So, now I know why I hate that feeling, but I still get that feeling when I am being forced to do something that I need more time to think about.
She needs time to really trust you. If you want to earn her trust, give her some space. Then see where it goes.
Laurie
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