Lesbian Teen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Lesbian Teen
6
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 3:50pm
My name's Samantha and I am sixteen. I always felt really akward when I dated boys and just couldn't wait for them to STOP touching me or being aorund me. The idea I might be gay never struck me until I saw a gay dating site ad online. It scared me at first but I kept getting those feelings. Then I met a girl and she asked me out. i was shocked but I said yes and now I'm with her. I love the relationship, but I feel strange about having to lie to my family. They would disown me. And I feel bad because my ex boyfriend still likes me and keeps trying to do sweet things for me, but I just dont feel that way about guys anymore. I don't think I ever did. I knwo this post is a little confusing, but I'm just confused with everything. I've finally admitted that I am gay, there's the first step, but what happens now? I'm kind of confused about my relationship with my grilfriend. We have to hide it at school. Kids get beat up for being gay here. Its weird . .. But I love her. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
In reply to: blueenvy
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 4:28pm

Ah such is the life of a teen.

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
In reply to: blueenvy
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 9:01pm

What happens now is you get to be 16 and live the life of a 16 year old. Your feelings are valid, and they are yours... yet there is plenty of time, and time is important as you sort through the flood of feelings and emotions you will likely experience.


The important thing is to be you... whatever you is, and only you can answer, or find the answers... to this. Yet you must also make wise choices, and see to the other needs of the life of someone your age. It is a time of great anticipation, adulthood is close at hand, yet the support and comfort of our parents also is near.


Sorting through such feelings can be simultaneously exciting and daunting. So too exploration of connections to others. I would recommend you do some homework before coming out. You best know how your parents feel and think, and preparation is important. If you are indeed confident in who you are, visit resources such as pflag.org for material to provide your parents. Seek out local lgbt youth groups, and if your school has one, a GSA.


Be careful with the beaten up stuff... all the more reason to make good choices. Be safe, be well.


nelle

We fell asleep and began to dream when something broke the night
Memories stirred inside of us - the struggle and the fight
And we could feel the heat of a thousand voices
Telling us which way to go
And we cried out "Is there no escape from the words that plague me so?"

And we were drawn to the rhythm
Drawn into the rhythm of the sea
Yes, we were drawn to the rhythm
Drawn into the rhythm of the sea


Drawn to the Rhythm ~ Sarah McLachlan

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
In reply to: blueenvy
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 9:42pm

Hi Samantha and welcome to Lesbian Life. Although this is a safe forum filled with many wonderful ladies, you may want to check out iVillage affiliate www.gurl.com. I am in no way trying to discourage you from visiting here or joining in on our conversations, but you may also want to hang with some other teens who share your feelings and experiences.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
In reply to: blueenvy
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 6:30am

As confused as you might feel right now Blue, it seems to me that you are one smart and mature young woman. The way you write speaks volumes about the way you're handling this. Not that I'm an expert on these things - but I teach high school kids and I know that there aren't many with such a wise head on their shoulders.


I'd agree with what the other ladies have said so far - trust your feelings and follow where they lead you; see where you end up. As far as the ex-bf goes - just keep kindly but firmly telling him that there's no going back and that you just don't want that sort of relationship with him any more.


Be careful on the 'getting beaten up' thing - hopefully people like that will some day realise how bigotted and stupid they are for their intolerance.


Ultimately, Blue, you have the RIGHT to love whoever your heart chooses. You do what feels right for YOU.


Hope to see you around more ~


Lou x

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
In reply to: blueenvy
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 11:29am

Your message doesn't sound at all unusual to me. Seems pretty normal. If you're looking to talk to other teens, I'd also recommend livejournal and technodyke. But everyone here is really friendly. Even to someone like me who posts once every other month :)

It stinks that your school is so homophobic. Don't confuse it with the real world. Don't worry, eventually you'll escape. There will always be small minded people in the world, but not nearly as many as it might seem.

Kath

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: blueenvy
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 12:37pm
Hi Samantha,
It seems that you have been given alot of good feedback here.
I also noticed that aome have posted other sites for you ti visit that are for teens.
You are always welcome here, but maybe you can check out those sites as well to get in touch with new people who are your peers.
Most gay communities have a place for our gay and lesbian youth. So you can find friends in your same situation.
I knew I was a lesbian by the time I was you age too.
I had a secret girlfriend or "my best friend." We also had boyfriends.
I would not come out at school if I were you, not if you think you might have trouble there. I didn't come out to my parents until I was in my late 20's, but by then they were asking me. lol.
I did feel guilty about it too.
Seems you have to live a double life or be disowned by possibly your own family and friends.
That is why I encourage you to check out other sites and GLBT youth groups. It helps to surround yourself with people who understand.
Your parents may try to "fix" you. That's what mine did, lol. Now they are very accepting of me and also my partner.
Parents will go through many different phases in dealing with it. You need to understand or try to understand what they will be going through because they usually do not understand us.
You need to be sure that this is who you are before you come out because it is not always that easy.
So first you have to accept that part of it.
That is why we really don't have recruiters,... because our incentives suck! Lol...
Just know that you are not alone, especially in having questions, feelings of guilt, fear, and leading a double life.
You will make it through all of these things especially if you truely are a lesbian, because it is not a choice as many think.
There are so many things that teens don't tell their parents, this seems to be one of them. If the guilt becomes to much then you might want to talk to them and tell them exactly how you feel, guilt and all. Then, let them try to "fix" you if they think they need to. I found it easier to work through it with them by not pulling away from all they goofy ways they tried to "fix" me or "help" me with my "situation" as they called it. I read and talked about the reading material that they gave me. Finally they quit when they realized it was helping me prove my case more so than "fixing" me.
I would hope they would not disown you, unfortunately that does happen and so you have to try to stop feeling guilty about who you are or it will eat you up like crazy.
In the mean time your are welcome here and I hope you will find peers you can talk to as well to get through this a bit easier.
Good luck and welcome,

Hugs,
Laurie
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