tough stuff

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2005
tough stuff
10
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 2:49pm

Ok, pooh told me I should talk to you guys about some issues that have come up. I know i posted once and haven't again until now. And now i am going to dump on you guys. Well, it turns out i thought I was bi, but little miss Pooh has done gone and converted me. I realize that I have finally found what has been missing in my life for many many years. Anyway, I don't know if she told you guys, but I am married w/ 3 kids. My DH knows I am seeing Chelle. He knows i have strong feelings for her. He wants to know where that leaves he and I. For the kids sake, I would like to try to work it out, at least for a while (they are young), but I can't lead him to believe that I am going to stay w/ him forever. If he doesnt think i can stay w/ him forever, he wants me out. He wants full custody, although I am sure they would not be completely taken out of my life. he is a decent man. He is just very upset w/ me right now. Sooooo any thoughts? Thanks for listening.

gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 2:58pm
Wow! This sounds very serious. I think you should talk to someone like a lawyer to make sure that you do not lose the kids.
I know he is a decent man, but people can change when they are hurting and rejected. Sometimes the kids become used to get the other parent back for leaving etc.
If you are certain that your marriage is over, please seek legal advice.
Hugs,
Laurie
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 3:21pm

I found myself in the same situation a year ago. When you figure out your real identity, it's hard not to follow that. I agree with Laurie, get some legal advice. Just because you're a lesbian doesn't mean you're not a loving, fit parent. His ego has been damaged and he's hurting. I'm sorry you're going through this.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 3:41pm

Speaking from experience and years of being threatened to have my children taken away, I will tell you that whatever choice you make, do not leave the house without taking your children with you.

hugs

halo

Avatar for nursepam2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 8:56pm

(((((((Gina)))))))


I am sure dh is hurting and confused right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2005
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 9:51pm

thanks for all of the great advice ladies. It is very helpfull. I do not plan to act to quickly. Hopefully things will work themselves out, but just in case they do not, I need to be ready. I do not have a job. I have no money to my name. that really kind of makes me stuck where I am anyway. I have to take this slow and try to work things out with the DH. Fortunatly I have a wonderful lovely lady that is willing to support me in any way. I am a lucky woman. thanks again.

gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 10:08pm

Oh, Gina... *hugs*


These are only choices you can make, no one else. There is really no right and no wrong, only what you feel compelled to do.


As someone with two daughters I am estranged from, believe me that is tough territory. Yet denying who you are can rip your insides out. Wish I could say finding your answers will be easy, and here's a road map on how, I cannot, and it likely will not be easy.


If you leave, do not believe you must be legally cut off... I still technically have joint legal custody of my youngun, she chooses not to see me.


Best wishes to you as you sort, and please feel free to rant here, the support out here is huge.


Um... pooh recruited you?


Toaster committee... ya payin' attention? ;-)


Avatar for poohntgr0163
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 10:37pm
Hi Sweetheart - I'm really glad you came here to talk... I know that the wonderful women here can give you a strong shoulder and some sound advice.. many have already been down a similar path.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 7:25am

Let me just add one thing.. One of the first things I was told when I took a required "Parenting kids thru divorce" class when I divorced my husband, is

 *Hugs ~  Caly

aka  

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 7:54am

I have to agree with Caly on this one.....I wasted 4 years staying in a marriage for the wrong reasons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
In reply to: ladylibra1070
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 6:37pm

As a child of a mom who stayed with her husband for my sake. Don't stay. Kids aren't as oblivious as people think.

I'd look around and find an attorney in your area familiar with GLBT custody cases just in case. Make sure you know the best thing. It's really so localized that only someone in your state could really be sure of what you might or might not be facing.