having baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
having baby
7
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:56pm
hey everyone i used to post on a different board which was loss of a loved one. i started posting after my daughter died. i now am in a sam sex relationship and have been for the last year and a half. i am now 32 weeks pregnant with our little girl. my family seems to be happy about the baby but her family still wont accept me but wants to have contact with the baby. i love my wife and want her family to be able to see the baby but since i am the one carring the baby i want them to know that they wont see the baby unless they accept me to. im worried this is going to put some stress on our relationship. my family accepts my wife and the baby but i still have never been allowed into her parents house.... if you have any advice or suggestions it would be appreciated. thanks
alon or not
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: alone_or_not
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 12:54am
Wow! First of all, welcome to the board.
I normally don't think it is good to use a baby as a carrot in relationship problems. I know you are carrying the baby and they are accepting that this baby is really their grandchild it seems, so maybe, if you allow them to see the baby they will see that they can except you too. Someone has to be the first to step up to the plate and show acceptance I think. Also, I think it would be fair for the baby to know both set's of Grandparents. This is just what I think, not sure if it is right or not.
And congradulations on your new baby.
I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter,
There are many women on this board who have children and I think they will have great feedback for you.
I just hope your g/f parents will learn to accept you and soon.
Hugs,
Laurie
Check out my new blog.
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://didoangst.blogspot.com/
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Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: alone_or_not
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 5:39am

What an uncomfortable situation! While I can see Laurie's point, in that a child shouldn't be used as a pawn and should know both sets of grandparents, I also

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
In reply to: alone_or_not
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 7:51am

Right on Nony!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: alone_or_not
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 8:41am

Welcome alone_or_not. It's great to have you here!


First, I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Many of us here have children and hopefully we can give you the support, comfort, and advice you need.


You are in a predicament for sure. The idea that your partner's family wants to have contact with the baby but not you rubs me the wrong way. It's not fair for your partner's family to pick and choose who they want to come to their house from your family (i.e., you, your partner, and baby). If they want to be a grandparent to this child, then they need to acknowledge you as a mother and as a part of a family.


Ultimately, I think you and your partner have to figure out a plan together and be united in that plan with her family. Is she supportive of you?


I hope you both can work through this and have a positive outcome for all. Keep us posted!


Hugs,


Ting

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: alone_or_not
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 9:43am
Nony,
Wow, I don't mean to sound wishy washy, but I do believe you have made a very good point about the grandparents undermining the Mom. I have to now agree with your advice here. Good point!!
Hugs,
Laurie
Check out my new blog.
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://didoangst.blogspot.com/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
Avatar for nursepam2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: alone_or_not
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 10:11am

(((((((alone)))))))


I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
In reply to: alone_or_not
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 3:28pm

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

Judy