Meeting the Parents (v. long)

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Registered: 11-16-2005
Meeting the Parents (v. long)
19
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 10:30am

Finally, after a year of struggles, frustrations, and finally some victories I met Caly's parents. For those of you who know about the situation it was a really huge deal for me to meet them and for Caly to see them. I won't go into all the sordid details, but for those of you who don't know, Caly and her mother have had a very strained relationship all her life. Within the past year or so, her mother found out that Caly is a lesbian, that she has a long-term partner, and that none of it is going away, much to her dismay! Through a series of emotional phone calls and letters over the past six months, Caly and her mom went from barely speaking to each other to having a pleasant relationship again, one in which Caly demands respect and gets it, at least on some level. I'm really proud of how well she has stood up for herself and has refused to take criticism for her choices from her mother anymore. Her mother knows not one iota about me but has assumed from day one that I'm a bad person, that I took Caly away from her DS, and that I've destroyed my own DDs' lives.


So, that's a bit of history and perspective

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Avatar for nursepam2000
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Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 10:48am

Although there are dozens of reasons that Caly's mom might be so cold and unbending when it

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 10:59am

Caly definitely has more insight on this than I do, of course, but I do think your second paragraph is spot on. In fact, there are things that Caly and I have discussed that speak to opportunities she missed and choices she made that she may now regret.


Thanks for your support and hugs...


Ting

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 11:02am

Thank you, Ting.
Ting, my mom is from Georgia, so you know what I've been up against.....

I can understand completely what Caly has gone through with her mom and her Lesbianism. I've gone through periods, in the beginning, of not communicating with my mom, and we've gone through the wringer about my life, and how I wish to live it. My brother has had to intervene on many an occasion, and through a lot of time and patience on both parts, the both of us have come together in peace and harmony (but I still can't live in the same house as her, lol! But that's normal!)

Every girlfriend I've ever had, for the exception of one, has felt my mother's frost. And I've had to apologize profusely to them. I've always stood up to my mother, respectfully, of course. I have gone to her countless times, when my heart has been broken by every one of them, and I've been surprised countless times at her willingness to listen and give me suggestions, and try to open my eyes. Those are the times, that gave me hope that she was coming around.

I still kept trying, and eventually, (I said this before)at the risk of being dramatic, it took a major event to wake her up. She came around. When I was in her home, I asked her if my friends could come and see me, and she said, "Yes." My mouth hit the floor. After gaining my composure (My mom was ever conscience of what the neighbors would say, (Gigi rolls her eyes)) Anyway, I relaxed completely, but I knew something wasn't right about that picture. So, in a conversation with my brother, on the phone, I told him what my mother said. Well, he said, "She's just doing that to make you happy." So, I concluded, "She's not doing it for the right reason." And I never invited my friends over to my mom's home. Ever since I've moved out of my mom's home at an early age, I have always had an open door policy with my mom, and it's still in place. If my mom lives long enough to see me marry whoever consents to be my sweetheart, she is invited to my wedding.

The funny thing about my mom is this... Not too long ago, she called me up, and asked me, "Gi, have you heard from ......" I almost dropped the receiver on the floor. I caught myself, and stutttered, "Uhhhhh, no, I haven't, why?" Her response was, "Oh, I just thought I would ask". And then we got off of the phone. I was in partial shock all day. So, I know that sooner or later, Caly's mom, will come around, and she will open her arms wide to you, and will be genuine about it.

Thanks for sharing that, and if you've gotten this far, and I haven't bored you, Thanks for reading.

Hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 11:16am

((((((Gigi))))))


Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It helps to read what others have gone/are going through. Do you mind sharing where in Georgia your mom is from? I was raised in Athens and lived in Atlanta for a while before moving to Tennessee.


Most parents want to see their children being happy and living the life they want to live. I understand that sometimes our choices aren't what they expected from us, so there is lots of reframing to do on their parts. I give Caly's mom lots of credit for coming this far.


Hugs,


Ting

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 11:29am

Sure, my mom is from Valdolsta, Georgia. I think it's a very small town in Georgia.

I'm always willing to share my experiences. Not a problem.

Hugs!

Gigi

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 11:36am

OMG! Valdosta is where my parents grew up. My grandparents stayed there after my parents left home. I have soo many great memories of spending holidays and summers there. It's too dang hot, though.


Very cool!


Hugs,


Ting

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Avatar for tookie12
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 11:55am
Ting-
I am so glad that the rest of Caly's family made you feel welcome and comfortable. It could be a very long road with Caly's mom but as long as you two walk it together hand in hand you'll always be the winners.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 12:03pm
Ting and Caly,
This was a huge, brave break through and step for everyone involved. I am proud of what you did and even proud of Caly's Mom for putting forth the effort even though it is hard on her. And sending ting's dd's Advent calendars as well.
She is trying. Caly you keep on standing up to her, you deserve respect. I have had to learn to stand up to my parents as well. It was emotional at first but they get it now. I believe yours will too.
It seems to be working for you. It really has not been that long as far as all the heavy duty stuff laid on your Mom.
In the Navy we formed a Cardiac Mother's club, lol. for all of us putting this on our parents.
It really is not funny but, it does work and you do need the support.
We are here for you both. Thank you for the update.
Hugs,
Laurie
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 12:33pm

You know what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 12:59pm

Thanks, Soozi! What you said is true. I do believe that someday she will ease up.


Hugs,


Ting

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