Life according to Ven...

Avatar for mschiffven
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Registered: 04-25-2003
Life according to Ven...
15
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 4:28am

I have been a bad bad boardie, absent for so long... you all need to spank me for being so neglectful!

Life has kept me busy, with work, kids, a new relationship (i've removed my snorkel and come up for air!!), finances, computer problems and an ex relationship... I think I need a personal assistant to keep myself organised!

I am still seeing the mostly unavailable woman I met online back in September, kind of have a time share arrangement with her male partner (hasten to add here that she hasnt had a sexual relationship with him for some years, he is her best friend, they have a house, cat and car togther...) I understand that situation wouldnt work for a lot of people but its been working for me, for her and for her partner. I like my own space, to do my own thing and not have to answer to anyone else... she comes and stays a couple of nights a week, we have a great time while we are together and then she goes back to her other life. Neither of us expected this to be any more than a brief encounter but it seems that the more we see of each other, the more we want to see. She wants me to meet her family and eventually her partner- actually she wanted me to spend christmas with them but I didnt think that would be very fair. I could totally understand their not being comfortable with having me around and I think Christmas day would be a terrible time to lay it on them! They do of course, know all about me, but the reality isnt likely to set in until they meet me.

Which brings me to christmas which is something I really do NOT enjoy. I cant stand listening to people talking about what they are buying. I cant afford to buy my kids anything, I am not going to get anything and I really dont want to know!!! I cant compete with the commercial aspect, have no interest in the religious aspect and have absolutely no desire to participate in the family aspect, so really, what is the point?
Dont worry, I am not going to ruin it for my kids. I am sending them down to spend a week with their grandfather.
Hmmm what to do on Christmas day? well I cant think of anyone I would rather spend the day with than 220 of my closest friends. Yep I offerred to work!

I still see a lot of Nat. It's been really difficult because all through our relationship she told me she is not, never was and never will be an affectionate person but that didnt mean she didnt love me and it wasnt because I was a female blah blah. Well now she has a boyfriend. His redeeming feature seems to be that he has money. He does not believe in sex outside marriage and he does not believe in divorce.. his wife left him. So no sex AND money makes him a good catch. I'm glad she has found someone to make her happy, she insists she does not love him, is not in love with him, he is her boyfriend and that is all. (you are allowed to be confused!)
I am finding it very hard to be replaced so easily, so soon. She has no time for me at all anymore, I hardly have anything to do with the kids even after being their primary caregiver for the best part of 3 years. It seems that everything she said about how important I was to her, to her kids, how she never wanted me to be out of her life even when boyfriend came along because of the special bond we have etc etc, were all lies and pretty darned hurtful ones at that.
She uses the fact I am having sex against me, puts me down, talks to me as though she thinks I am dirty and not worthy of her friendship anymore, then texts me and asks if I mind driving her somewhere because boyfriend cant get time off work.
I guess it doesnt help that I use my bedroom as an adult lounge and last time she was at my house there was a bottle of Probe by the bed and a book called "The Box Lunch" under the pillow... (on loan from my gf)

My poor computer is chugging away on its 1.1ghz cpu- I am off to the big city tomorrow to buy a 2.4ghz job, wasnt easy finding one as socket A cpus have been superseded. Wish me luck!


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Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 1:43am

Thanks Lea. I am sure life will find its own path and I will find balance in my relationships with new girl, Natalie and Self. I expect things will be somewhat turbulent for a while yet but I'd like to think I am prepared for that.

Would have been a lot easier if Natalie and I had a big argument and vowed to never speak to each other again, but as it happens it was a mutual decision we reached after a good week of debating, a decision we came to because we do care about each other and didnt want to continue hurting each other the way we had been.... the caring part is something not easily turned off.


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Avatar for mschiffven
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Registered: 04-25-2003
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 1:44am
well thats a nice thought Nelle, but just as well dreams are free eh?

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Avatar for mschiffven
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Registered: 04-25-2003
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 1:48am
it's nice that someone understands how I feel about christmas because the general feeling seems to be I should suck it up, go without for a while in order to make an effort for my kids. I am sure they will have a nice week with their grandfather and a much nicer time away from my attitude, lol.

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Registered: 02-15-2004
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 1:52am

{{{{{{{Ven}}}}}}}}}

Ok Ven, we can agree to disagree. I guess I'm a strange person when it comes down to enjoying sex. I really guess it's not for me to understand someone that doesn't enjoy sex, and then turns around and condemns someone that finally has sex. In my opinion, friend or not, I wouldn't shave them. If she has a boyfriend why doesn't she ask him to shave her? In fact, in the hospital they will shave her. As far as I'm concerned, she's tormenting you. In my opinion, oral sex is sex. (Of course, according to former President Clinton, oral sex is not sex...yeah right. LOL!). I guess she enjoys being penetrated, and then have oral sex. She can't put your girl down, in fact, she couldn't hold a candle to your girl. Well, about your children, I can understand their confusion. I don't know if I told you about my little girl (well, she's no longer little)anyway, when her mother took her out of my life, I assured her that even though I'm not there, I will always love her, no matter what.

It's good that you're trying to make it eaisier on them, and I can understand about having a different adult come into your children's life, it is confusing. I should know. But this isn't about me.

Only you know when the best time to be introduced to your girl's family is, and it's good that the two of you can come to a reasonable compromise.

Hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 4:58pm

* perk *
did someone say spanking?!?!!


It's good to see you Ven. Been worried about you since your last post with the scary neighbor guys. But it sounds like things continue to look up for you, my friend. Congrats on your relationship, it sounds like

 

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