check in & somewhat long
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check in & somewhat long
| Wed, 01-18-2006 - 9:39am |
Hello ladies, thank you for those who answer my ?'s about the money issues. I was in agreement as well. Interesting Carol and I had a conversation that night. I told her I apprecipated her wanting to help, but no thank you. I said if we were in a long term relationship that it would be different. She agree and thank me for being honest.
Another ? for you ladies: Carol saw someone 2 yrs ago who was married but separated,still living with her husband, this woman had older children and was not out to family. Carol stated she felt like the mistress and she was in love. But this woman mantipulated her and they broke it off several times. They dated for a yr.well last fall at a event Carol ran into her,unknown to me, this woman was mad that Carol had not waited for her.
Since that time, I felt Carol had finally moved on and let that go.I know Carol loves me and she tells me all the time. She appears to be happy. We both have an open and honest relationship. So you are wondering what that ? is, well, I overhear from C something that bother me and I asked her afterwards and she said we were. What I overheard was that she was missing the chemistry between us sexually. She tells me we are sexually compatible. I am not quite sure of what I am asking or seeking. I am so new at being in a healty relationship with someone that I sometimes get doubts. Is that normal? I wonder if this woman from the past say in 3 or 5 yrs,once the kids have left and she divorced her husband if she would call Carol to come back. I don't beleive that Carol would go back based on our conversations. But I asked Carol if she told her therapist that she was in love with me, she said she hadn't. I asked if she had said anything to her close friends,she hadn't and felt that was private between us. I trust her and do beleive her,but I wonder if someone can appear to be happy on the outside and be something totally different in the inside. Carol is talking about perhaps living together at the end of the year. I quess this is a bit of rambling. I am sorry to be a bother.
Hope everyone have a great week! gracemae59
Another ? for you ladies: Carol saw someone 2 yrs ago who was married but separated,still living with her husband, this woman had older children and was not out to family. Carol stated she felt like the mistress and she was in love. But this woman mantipulated her and they broke it off several times. They dated for a yr.well last fall at a event Carol ran into her,unknown to me, this woman was mad that Carol had not waited for her.
Since that time, I felt Carol had finally moved on and let that go.I know Carol loves me and she tells me all the time. She appears to be happy. We both have an open and honest relationship. So you are wondering what that ? is, well, I overhear from C something that bother me and I asked her afterwards and she said we were. What I overheard was that she was missing the chemistry between us sexually. She tells me we are sexually compatible. I am not quite sure of what I am asking or seeking. I am so new at being in a healty relationship with someone that I sometimes get doubts. Is that normal? I wonder if this woman from the past say in 3 or 5 yrs,once the kids have left and she divorced her husband if she would call Carol to come back. I don't beleive that Carol would go back based on our conversations. But I asked Carol if she told her therapist that she was in love with me, she said she hadn't. I asked if she had said anything to her close friends,she hadn't and felt that was private between us. I trust her and do beleive her,but I wonder if someone can appear to be happy on the outside and be something totally different in the inside. Carol is talking about perhaps living together at the end of the year. I quess this is a bit of rambling. I am sorry to be a bother.
Hope everyone have a great week! gracemae59

((((Gracemae))))
I think my response will be somewhat jumbled, but I'll try to make sense. LOL
First, before you consider moving in together, I would suggest working through the doubts you have about the relationship and figuring out what it is that you do want out of it. Constant communication, trust, and true love
Carol was saying last night, that she feels like a teenage around me and tends to act goofy. I told that was what love does to you. We both have said this feeling/emotions are much different than either of us has experience before. We really do have excellent communication, trust and clear boundaries within our relationship. Oh, yes, the Wednesday nite sleepovers are going well. Also, Carol wants me to meet her therapist and likewise with my therapist. So again, thank you for the advice. I will try to remember to breathe and enjoy each day.
Have a wonderful day:) gracemae59
You're not a bother first of all, you're fine. It's good to hear from you. Despite my past unhealthy relationships, I've learned many things. 1. Communications about all things is absolutely necessary. If I remember correctly, when you wanted to have sex with her, she didn't. She had issues that prevented her from having sex. Is she being honest and direct with you about sex? Sometimes our partners make us doubt ourselves when it really isn't us, it's usually their doubt coming out. 2. If I'm having issues with partner, I go to my partner, not someone outside of my relationship. I may go to my best friend to see if I'm wrong. But usually, I would go to my partner, sit in separate seats, no touching, and talk it out. No yelling, no screaming. Talking like a rational being. No accusing, fingerpointing or any other destructive behaviours. Before you live together, get this straightened out, it's best to be able to focus on self in the privacy of your own home, then have to deal with someone that isn't sure of what they don't want. 3. If my partner can't be real and honest, open and honest is fine, but I always ask my potential partners to be real. Fake and false faces, don't work with me. 4. If my partner is in therapy, what she talks to her therapist about, unless I'm alowed to be there, it's none of my business. In my opinion, that's prying. Unless my partner wants to tell me, I stay out of it. 5. I would always ask my partner if we are sexually compatible, I don't like mixed signals, that's what I mean about being real.
Give it until June (six months) or around your birthday, lol! To see if she can be real and tell you the truth without the false face. Look into her eyes to see the truth. There's nothing worse then having someone use sex against you, or to make you feel bad about sexual combatibility, that is abuse.
Hope that helps.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Neither one of us have had a healthy relationship, so we continually working to making that happen. Again, time and patience. Our love grows and deepens as we learn about each other and we are both completely honest with each other. There are many ways to be intimate without having a physical relationship. I have no deadline for this issue, I was just pondering and having some self doubts. Both of us have never had false pretenses. Carol has experienced a great deal of trauma, mistrust in past relationships and realizes it just wasn't working for her and change had to happen. She knows that she is deserving of healthy relationship. That loving someone and experiencing love in a healthy manner, is a scary and unfamilar for not only her ,but for me as well. Perhaps for her to tell a friend or her therapist that she loves me is scary, overwhelming and might make it real and perhaps it will be that it will fall apart before it begins. If that makes any sense. I respect her wishes for not saying anything, our pastor and friends, know there is something special between us. They have also said they have never seen Carol so happy and in the present. So that pleases me.
Take care and have a good week , gracemae59