Ex Girlfriends

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Ex Girlfriends
6
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 4:24pm
Having a bit of a problem at the moment. I'm having a problem accepting that my girlfriend is starting up a friendship with her ex. They were together for 4 years and lived together it was a really bad breakup and every time they've seen each other since have ended up sleeping together. They split up in April and haven't seen each other since October, we got together late November. Until we got together I know my girlfriend was still in love with her, but now she says that she's not at all because she's in love with me and couldn't be like she is with me if she was still in love with anyone else. Thing is they've recently started talking again and I'm worried she'll cheat on me with the ex (although the ex lives 100's of miles away). This has really upset my girlfriend that I don't trust her, So what is it with staying friends with exes? This is my first real relationship (I'm 21 she's 24) and it's quite a hard thing for me to accept, my girlfriend being friends with her ex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: louise239
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 5:55pm


Welcome to Lesbian Life, we are a welcoming community.
{{{{{{louise}}}}}}}} Are you sure she's just being friendly with her ex, or is she just using that as an excuse to do what she wants to do?

I'm not friendly with any of my ex's. The is one ex that that has my child, but that's a long drawn out story. Once my ex becomes my ex, that's it, there is no coming back for a second or third try. Respectfully speaking, if my girlfriend is still in love with her ex, I very nicely and politely, help her pack her bags, take her bags to the door, open the door, and tell her goodbye and wish her a happy life and cut all ties with her.

If your girlfriend says that she loves you, make her prove it, tell her to leave her ex alone, or do what I would do. Life's too short, too many true and good women, and too many chances of going to jail for domestic violence.

Hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: louise239
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 7:42pm
Hi,well I am not friends with any of my ex's but I love my gf dearly and would not send her packing if she talked to an ex or became friends with one...
I can't say I would like it ...
not sure what to advise you here....
I love my gf and trust her with all my heart,I have never doubted her,what she says...or anything like that...
I just know alot of her ex's probably do want her back and well I can't blame them they have good taste...
If the tables were turned and well I became friends with an ex and my gf didn't like it I would end that friendship....I have plenty of friends and well there is only one woman I want ...
I think it is more intelligent to meet couples and have them as friends....
I would never let ANY ex or anyone for that matter effect my relationship with sadie....
that is how I feel...
good luck and well maybe the first step is telling your gf how you feel...
my two cents,Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: louise239
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 11:02pm

Welcome Louise!


I'm sorry you are upset. Haveyou tried talking to your girlfriend about this? Maybe it won't be an issue at all if you tell her how you feel.


Personally, I prefer to remain friends with my ex. But

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: louise239
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 1:18pm

Welcome, Louise! Glad you found us. You're in a tough spot, especially since it's your first relationship. I agree with Jo on this one. I haven't ever dealt with this, but I wouldn't demand that my gf never speak to her ex, and I wouldn't want her to do that to me. I would, however, tell her if it made me uncomfortable. As with most relationship issues, trust and communication are key. If your gf doesn't respect your feelings and wishes, as long as they are reasonable (which it sounds like they are), then you might want to reconsider your relationship wtih her.


I hope it works out for you, and I hope you'll continue posting!


Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
In reply to: louise239
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 2:49pm
Well I spoke to my girlfriend last night, we had a really nice talk about everything that's been bothering us, like her ex and me being paranoid. I think part of the problem is we've both been so busy with work that we've only seen each other a handful of times over the past two weeks. I am now pretty sure I have nothing to worry about on the ex front and she's explained how upset it made her that I didn't trust her. She's not going to be seeing her ex any time soon just the occassional text or phone call, I had no intention of telling her she couldn't see her, that's not me and definately not fair on her. But now all is well had the talk which I was dreading but now everything is great and made up in the best way possible. Thanks for all your help I'll be sure to keep posting! :D
Louise
xxxxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: louise239
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 4:29pm

Thank you, Louise. While I could never ever tell my girlfriend that she can't talk to her ex, that's totally up to her, that goes along the same lines of me talking to one my former girlfriends. We are working on trust and telling each other the truth.

We also are fair with each other. She tells me what she's doing and I give her the same respect. Even though we don't have to, we do. I know who I'm giving my heart to and if I'm wrong, then another lesson I've learned. But I trust her and know that she wouldn't hurt me.

I'm glad that you and you're girlfriend has gotten things straighted out and everyone is happy. Come back and visit with us or just come and hang out.

Hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce