Okay Gotta ask this here..
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Okay Gotta ask this here..
| Thu, 04-06-2006 - 3:44am |
Instead of at my blog..Cause I want more input. I have these questions..
I am going round in circles at least once a day now...
If you were in a relationship for 8 years and you seemed very compatiable with your partner and yes you had your typical ups and downs but no major stuff...

((((((((((Cat))))))))))))))
I dont think there are any Set rules on what a person will do or wont do in any situation, I think it really depends on what that person wants deep down.
Relationships are hard work, even the good ones.
aka
I'm going to come as close as possible with what I said on your blog. When your girlfriend met you and she was happy with you 8 years ago, she flirted with you and paid you all kinds of attention until she won your heart and your hand, what's the big difference now?
If I have a hot, sexy woman to come home to, why would I need to pay any attention to any other woman? I can understand being friendly, but taking going beyond the boundary of friendship? NO. (Now, I know I'm being hyprocritical, but not really. Before I met my honey bunny, I flirted with everyone here like crazy. That's different. And I only flirted with the ones that are single. And I only take the flirtations to a certain degree with some of the ones that are in a relationship).
Beauty comes from within and not from without. All of us have our choices of what we want our partners to look like. I'm no exception. But when I begin to compare my honey bunny with some other woman that I might be working with or be friends with, then where's my loyalty, dedication, and devotion? The only other woman I would give gifts, birthday cards, or anything else, is my best friend.
I'll say it again, she obviously has a different taste in women, because there would be no way that I would take any chances to lose my honey bunny, just because there's some silly woman out there that thinks she can take me away. It's not possible. (but I do have eyes and yes, I'm a man, but I do have self-control, she knows this and understands that. And I know that she's a woman, has eyes and I do know that she has self-control, it would be totally stupid for us to assume that the other isn't flirting).
Of course, we all flirt, we would be lying if we, as human beings, say that we don't flirt. But when that flirtation goes beyond that, a flirt, then there's a problem.
When the person that's doing the flirting, begins to get an attitude, then something's definately not right. And there's no excuse for it. You have a right to feel how you feel. Don't deny how you feel, don't hide it, don't make excuses for how you feel, go with it. Have the both of you gone to counseling? It's really none of my business about what was said, but there's no way that she could hide or be deceptive --- that is if she really wants to keep you in her life. I would think, that she would take full and unconditional responsibility for the damage that she's caused or leave you alone and go on with her life, so you can go on with yours. You are being honest with yourself and going through the emotions and feelings and writing things out, instead of being in denial and running away from yourself --- and us. I'm not going to let you run away, you are my friend and sister, and I do care about what happens to you. No one should go through this, Cat. No one and it's not fair to you. You are a good woman and dare I say that you deserve a woman that's going to love you be devoted, dedicated and emotionally faithful to you. So, keep posting and keep writing in your blog, don't hold any negative emotions inside, or you'll end up being really sick, and believe me you don't want to go where I went. And all over someone that has no idea about what she may lose: a woman that's beautiful, in and out, you.
I'm always going to be here for you, my friend, and my sister.
Hugs,
Sebastian
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
(((((((((Cat)))))))) I'm sorry you continue to feel pain over everything that has happened in your relationship. Like Caly said, communication is so important and you've struggled with that for quite a while. Are you still going to go to counseling? That will open the doors of communication if nothing else will. But, you both have to be committed to working hard on the issues that counseling exposes. If you just go and sit and listen but don't do anything about the things you uncover then the feelings and hurt will continue. (I know you're committed personally, Cat, I was referring to the universal "you".)
The trust between the two of you has to be rebuilt or you will continue to question and wonder. What do you think needs to happen to do that? What does ~S~ need to do to earn back your trust? The past can't be erased, and what's done is done. The question now is how do you move forward. And only you can answer that. I think it's wonderful that you aren't just letting go and giving up, that you're really trying to make it work. Is she willing to do the same? How long are you willing to wait?
I guess these are questions I would be asking if I were in the situation. I do hope the clouds will start to go away and that you'll gain some clarity about things.
Big hugs to you.
(((((((Cat)))))))
I don't think I could give you any better input than Caly, Ting, and Gigi.
Pieces of My Life
One of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship is a breach of trust.
Well, I can't say much that hasn't already been said. I am sorry that you are hurt, trust takes a long time to rebuild
Sandr
(((((((((((((cat))))))))))))))))) Big hug. I can't say much except that I agree with the other posters on this question. It is sad that you have to go through this after 8 yrs with Shaw. Only you have the right answer to this problem.
This is a tough one. Sheila and I have been together going on 9 years now. I think sometimes long term relationships can go through ruts. I would hang in there if you still want to work it out and she wants to work it out. The thing I would change would be me/ you. I would do things I wanted to do and allow myself to grow out of my rut. You cannot change her.
Just do things that you have an interest in that you have left behind or quit doing for one reason or another. Things that make you, you. Maybe as you have more to do and be interested in things in your relationship will change.
For some reason it seems to work that way for us. We have more to talk about and we seem to grow more in our relationship when we pull ourselves out of our ruts.
It is so easy to just get caught up in the have to things like going to work coming home cleaning the house eating and going to bed.
Let her wake herself up and go out shooting some photos or something. Or go out shooting photos when she is sleeping.
Just work on you. And see what happens. Make yourself happy. She will have to work on her own self, but maybe she will be motivated by seeing you and things will begin to get interesting again.
She will do whatever she wants to do no matter what you do.
Make yourself happy with yourself and don't let your happiness depend on her.
Maybe then you will be able to decide to move on or stay.
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
((((((((((((((((Cat))))))))))))))))))
Everyone has put in great thoughts so far....I really can't add much other than that I wish you could find more peace in your relationship.