Spring Growth and Rebirth
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Spring Growth and Rebirth
| Mon, 04-17-2006 - 9:49am |
This year, spring has really been a wonderful time where we live. The trees and flowers are blooming, and we've had lots of bright, clear sunny days. It's been so refreshing. I'm feeling like the light of the season is bringing a renewed sense of happiness and contentment to my life.
We watched the movie "Sylvia" (about the poet Sylvia Plath) this weekend and I was reminded of the very, very dark period I endured a couple of years ago. I am happy to say that my journey through that darkness has ended, and I can't imagine going back to that place again. I finally feel detached from it.
I hope you are all feeling content and happy in some part of your life. Have you been travelling on


This hits home for me.
I have been on such a journey. I have come out of a long time depression and darkness myself and I have discovered that I can do things that I love to do. Comedy being my one true love.
Nearly losing my mom to cancer has given me a whole new perspective on life. I need to live life for me too. I need to move on in my life and do the things I can and want to do. My mom loves life and living. I do too.
My parents won't always be here and I need to have a life of my own so that if and when I am left here by family and loved ones I will have a nice life of my own to continue living. I think that is why they keep telling us that it is important for us all to keep doing things for ourselves too.
My counselor has left and I am starting with a new counselor this week.
I have started doing comedy and doing very well. My life is becoming exciting again.
I do not want to go back to that dark place where I can't leave my house or do anything and do not like living due to fear.
I just want and need to push through all of my fears and that is what I am working on. And it feels good!
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
((((((Laurie)))))
I'm SO incredibly happy to read this. Thanks so much for sharing. You are right on so many points.
Sounds like all this time with your mom has taught you a lot. I'm so glad you are able to get out and enjoy life now.
Take care. I hope you will like your new counselor.
Hugs!
Great topic, Ting.
I would really like to see this thread continue. And not stop with just few people's input. Well, most of everyone that has a my frapper blog, knows about me and my journey. Some of which will not be repeated here, but, I am going through some great emotional changes. But I will reveal something. I came out to my mom over the weekend, about me being a transgender. For those that haven't read it, I was sweating bullets when I talked with her over the phone and the best part is she didn't freak out like I expected her to.
I have an appointment with my primary care physician to have a complete physical. I have other reasons why I'm doing it. the first reason: I have to get a driver's license, but I have to prove that I'm capable to drive, safely. The second reason: to have my testosterone levels checked. And to let the doctor check out my improved physical health. I'm a member of a different community. They are similar to iVillage, except it's way different. The chat room goes on 24/7. Sometimes the place rocks, and sometimes there is pandemonium. I love it. So far, I've been flamed twice, lol.
I didn't do or say anything wrong. All I did was give my opinion about a few things and ka-pow! LOL! But, like there, I'm respected and loved. I've been reading this anthology. It's called Genderqueer. It is real deep. I read it, then I have to put it down. I think the more soul searching I do, the more I understand myself. I've attended several conferences on gender issues and they have been very intriguing. Not too long ago, I went to a conference at JP Morgan. (That's right, you read it correctly). It was really deep. I went with a sex therapist friend of mine, she gave a presentation that was mercifully short. As far as employment is concerned, nothing. I gave my voc rehab counselor an earful of hostility. She tried to calm me down, but I just let loose. But, so far, it's now my main focus to get my driver's license back and begin to move around. I've been battling with my depression, and I know that just sitting here is the reason why my depression is coming over me. Just riding on the Paratransit bus isn't good enough,any more.
At the risk of sounding theatrical, I want my wings back. It great just sitting home and being on the computer, I just want to get out and do what I doing before, riding around town and going where ever I wanted to go and be freeeeeeeeeee!!!!! LOL!
So, I've decided instead of pounding away on my keyboard, I put some things into motion. I must be patient for Wednesday to get here. But first, I have to let today do it's thing.
Anyway, that's my road of self-discovery.
Hugs!
Sebastian
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
I agree, Sebastian, I really hope others will join in and share. Sounds like you have a whole lot of stuff going on but lots of good things. I hope you'll have luck getting your driver's license. You've done SO well getting to a place of independence.
Wow! What a huge step you took with your mom. I'm so glad she didn't freak out. I hope you will get your wings so you can soar!
Hugs!
You know you will always have my support and love in all you do. I am happy to hear that your Mom did not freak out!
I wish you well in all you are doing. It sounds like you are really taking ownership of your life right now and I hope that it will help you break out of that depression.
It is so easy to want everything to hapen right now, as I know personally. I guess sitting back and relaxing while working on things to come is ok too. At least it is progress, right?
You will find that job, I just know it Sebastian!
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Thanks Laurie and Ting. Everyone here has been instrumental in helping me looking at my life and what I can do to change it. As the saying goes, be careful of what you ask for because you just might get it. So, when I do get my wings back I have to keep my sense of stability. It's too easy to go crazy with it. But it's a craziness that I'm willing to welcome back.
Thanks again, ladies
Sebastian
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Great post idea, Ting--thank you! And I agree with Sebastian, let's keep it going if we can!
Okay, I'm gonna try to keep this brief--a novelty for me--lol! Lately I've been feeling dissatisfied with my life in general. And while it's true that where I'm at now in life is in part due to my past abuse, I feel that blaming the past can be a crutch at times that prevents us from moving forward and so I try to say instead that my past INFLUENCES my present --sometimes more than I care to admit, but it doesn't DEFINE me, my present situation or my future! That said, I will share that due to childhood sexual abuse by my then stepfather--that lasted many years, and the subsequent court case I filed against him as well as my experiences with depression, anxiety and PTSD it has at times been a struggle! So much so that back in the mid 90's, after a hospitalization and before the case went to court I had no choice but to file for disability. For the first time in my life I found myself unable to work and pretend everything was okay so on the advice of my lawyer and therapist I filed and got it. However once I was a little better I refused to just sit home and isolate. I attended school part time---took a semester off here and there when absolutely necessary and ultimately in 2003, graduated with deans list/high honors with two degrees and 3 certifications in the mental health field.
Well to support Sebastian with his suggestion that we keep this thread going for awhile, I
aka
(((((((Lori)))))))))
I'm so glad this thread inspired you to post. It's good to hear from you.
I'm really sorry you're going through a tough period. I hope that you'll find some way to work. I'm sure that would help you mentally and emotionally a lot.
You and Sandy have been through a lot but have done an amazing job at staying together and being supportive. True love does endure. Caly and I went through a lot to get where we are now. It was NOT an easy road to travel, but we persevered. It's still not easy at times. Blending families is hard. It takes a lot of work, trust, and communication.
I have said many times like you that I just wish everything could be easy, and sometimes I ask myself over and over why happiness has to be so hard to achieve sometimes. But, you're right in realizing that life isn't easy. Be true to your heart and it will all work out. I do hope you will see some light at the end of the tunnel soon.
Hugs!