Do all Lesbians Hate Their Moms?
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| Thu, 08-24-2006 - 6:03pm |
Apologies for the "eye-catching" discussion title - I just wanted to make
sure I got some replies as I am desparate for answers.
My daughter, age 26, came out to me and her Dad when she was 17, no surprises, we
suspected she was gay since adolescence, we embrace and continue to embrace her
sexual orientation - we just want her to be happy.
Problem that breaks my heart as a mother - she hates me!
Since she took her most recent girlfriend (last 3 years), she has become verbally abusive toward me,talks to me as infrequently as possible, is painfully mean to her younger 13 year old sister, no longer showers (she says soap is bad for her) and smells extremely bad, quits job after job, never misses a chance to tell me how I've screwed up her life (even after 12 years of private school PLUS 4 years of college (tuition and room and board).
I have searched many places for information on Straight Mother - Lesbian Daughter relationships and dynamics looking for clues as to why she has rejected me and is acting so unlike herself.
Does anyone have general ideas about how lesbians and their moms tend to get along? Have I lost my daughter forever just because I am straight?

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I am very close to my mom.
I don't think being a lesbian has anything to do with it.
I know many of my friends are close with their mother's as well.
Maybe there is something else bothering her or wrong with her emotionally. Maybe her friends?
I know you will find alot of thoughts, advice etc., here so please come back to check this often.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
(((((Gurillagirl)))))
No.
Pieces of My Life
I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your daughter. I have to agree that there are other issues going on with her, or so it sounds. Whether it is depression or something more, I do not think that your daughter's attitude toward you has anything to do with her being a lesbian. Just as the other ladies have mentioned, that is not the standard case between mothers and lesbian daughters. My mother and I are very close, in fact. And once I came out to her, she & I became even closer than ever because she was such a wonderful support to me. I hope you are able to help your daughter find her way and that your relationship improves in time. Don't give up.
Jules
Jules
Welcome gurillagirl,
I'm sorry you're having a rough time with your DD. I do agree with what the others have already said. Your DD isn't treating you the way she is because she's a lesbian and you're straight.
Thanks so much for everyone on this board. I really needed some information regarding mother daughter relationships with straight moms and lesbian daughters and I cannot find any books or any research.
My heart is breaking having to watch my child self destruct this way - she has accused me of being homophobic (although she KNOWS her biological father was Gay and I lived with him for 5 years, am currently member of PFLAG, have marched in 3 Pride parades with her, and am a very vocal gay rights activist in my community) - being accused of homophobia by my own child is truly crushing.
She also constantly puts her 13 year old sister down for NOT being gay - mocking her budding sexuality and relationships with opposite sex. It hurts all of us so much. Her little sister wrote a poem about her just 3 years ago and read it in a school assembly - saying she was her hero - now this.
I DID manage to get her to go to counseling WITH me on my nickel - I said I was the one with the problem and needed her help - she went, Therapist diagnosed depression (it runs in the family) and recommended antidepressants (I take them too), My Daughter said "Antidepressants are a product of a MALE oriented society - pills that MEN use to CONTROL Women" She said no self-respecting woman would take pills manufactured by MEN!
I am relieved to hear that not all Lesbians have difficult relationships with their mothers and I am every so grateful for all advice given me here. I will perservere, but my heart is breaking. I have had to take her house key back from her as she was coming over when we were not home and "borrowing" things.
The smell is so terribly bad when her and her partner are near that I become sick at my stomach. It is crushing to see your child in this state - yet thankfully no alcohol or drugs that I can detect.
I do so miss her last partner (who she was with for 3 years) and is currently a 7th grade teacher. I am so tempted to call her ex and ask for her intervention, but I don't dare do that. Since with her current partner, she does not speak or communicate with ANY of her friends (some she's had since 7th grade) - her time is spent ONLY with her partner - no one else.
Thanks so much for all your support.
((((((gurillagirl)))))
I can imagine how heart-wrenching this must be for you. I have two daughters myself, one who is almost 5 yo and one who is 9.
Sounds like you have tried to help her and set some boundaries. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what else you can do. For your own mental health, I hope you will continue to be active in PFLAG and go to counseling when you need it. There may be other support groups that you could participate in.
Take care.
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Hi, its me again.
Hi,
I'm glad that you came by to ask.
I have a wonderful relationship with my mom, as do
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Kim
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