Protocol

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Protocol
10
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 6:54pm

I'm a little embarassed to be asking this, so I hope you guys won't think I'm stupid; I'm just new to this. I've always been bi/lesbian. (I think I'm more bi than really lesbian, actually. Not sure. Label's not that important. I'd be willing to be with another man, and have, but I'd just prefer having relationships with women. Not just the sex, but the whole of what a relationship entails. Does being open to both mean you're bi, even if you prefer one over the other? j/w.) <---- Not the protocol question.


I have terrible "gaydar", as Jack from "Will & Grace" would say. How can I tell if another woman is flirting with me? How can I tell if they're lesbian? I know it's (usually) not tattooed on their forehead, and other than the tell-tale "Gay Pride" type items on their person, it's hard to tell. The best way to find out is to ask, but how do you do that delicately so as not to offend them if they're not? j/w. Like I said, I'm new to this, but I've always wondered that. With guys it's easy. They look at you and drool or they move on. Simple. But women, as a whole, are more subtle. What are some of the subtle signs to be watching for, in general?


Thanks, ladies!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
In reply to: kristinmariem
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 7:23pm

Hey Kristin!


Do not ever worry about asking questions, that is what we are here for and we all had to start somewhere.


That said, I have to admit I can't answer this one very well.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
In reply to: kristinmariem
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:41am

Thanks, Caly. (I just noticed the screenname you posted this with. :) Kewl.)


I absolutely meant relationship to mean the whole "kit-n-kaboodle", not just the sex. A relationship encompasses the whole person, not just the physical. (moment of thought)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
In reply to: kristinmariem
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 7:03am

pride ying yang


You're very welcome!


Glad you like the screenname.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: kristinmariem
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 11:15am

Hi Kristin,


Glad you feel comfortable asking for help and support! That's what we're here for!


Regarding flirting, I have to say that except for Caly I have never flirted with another woman in person. I'm pretty shy and would have to know the person well as a friend (as Caly mentioned) before I'd move into the flirting stage. But, I have been around enough lesbians/gays to conclude that flirting is flirting, no matter what labels you apply. If you have a connection with someone, be it man or woman, you will know. The chemistry will be there. For me, the chemistry with Caly was stronger than anything I ever expected.


I like to think that I have excellent gaydar. In a lot of cases, I can just sense something about a person that makes me think he/she is gay. There is a connection that I can't explain. I don't know why some people have better gaydar than others...maybe it's because people like me are always looking for lesbians, so we are accustomed to noticing almost every person who crosses our paths. It's an interesting concept, but you really can't judge a book by its cover. That saying is so true.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2005
In reply to: kristinmariem
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:44pm

OMG! I am so confused about that too!
I, for instance, thought I was being hit on when in reality, she didn't know I was gay!

It doesn't even matter right now cuz I can't date for about a year, but it's good to know this stuff!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
In reply to: kristinmariem
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 5:26pm

Another protocol question. (I've been dreading asking this one. About the stupidest I'll sound since I've asked my black friend if she tans. lol - And yes, African Americans can tan, just so you know.) :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: kristinmariem
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 6:04pm

Hello, my name is Sebastian Bruce, my introduction is in the Fun and Games folder. If you look at the Board Website you will see my picture. I am a transgender, I'm a female to male. My feminine name is Gigi. Yes, I know that black folks tan, I'm an African American, and I think these ladies do know that. I don't think they care. Anyway, on to your question. You may have many different answers to this.

We have a lesbian couple in this community that was just married. They call each other "wife".

It really depends on the couple or the person on how they wish to identify themselves, or their relationship with another person. The best thing to do is to ask the couple or the person on how they identify themselves.

Keep asking!

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
In reply to: kristinmariem
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 6:12pm

Hey Kristin!


Your question is a very valid one but like most labels doesnt have a 'set' answer in the GLBT community.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: kristinmariem
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 12:35pm

We should share the Secret Lesbian Handshake with her....


LOL, sorry! I wished with all my heart that there might be such a thing, back when I first came out.


*welcome to the board* ~ Nony

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
In reply to: kristinmariem
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 1:46pm
:) Thanks, Nony. I wish there were such a thing. But, life is an experiment...you make some mixes that work, and some that don't. Life and learn.

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