What would you do ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
What would you do ?
4
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 10:28pm
This is the story in a nutshell
-met a wonderful beautiful (too beautiful maybe) woman- 30 years old- who had a girlfriend, became friends
-knew she found me attractive but didnt want to mess up his relationship- we also live 2000 miles away
-she lives far away and we emailed about work stuff- then she broke up with this girlfriend because she broke her heart a month ago- or six weeks ago- by cheating on her with her friend
-we started flirting on email/ flirting on the phone
-we started to become very close very fast- very compatable on the phone, telling secrets, desires, fears, very intense
-decided to have a visit
-visited on last week- met, very awakward, nervous- esp. me- but worked through it- kissed
-second night, fooled around, I tried to go a bit farther- she knew I hadnt been with women a lot, hardly at all, didnt seem to mind, knew I didnt want a casual fling, swore she did not either-she said "I cant sleep with you this soon because I have to make sure my feelings are in check- I just got out of a serious heartbreak and I dont want to f**k you or anyone else over- I know you dont have casual sex- I said I understood, pushed on a bit, flirted in bed, maybe temped a bit too much, she said she wanted to keep going...then we almost did have sex but again said its best to wait..but that she really wanted to.
-next day sent her a text that said"had a nice time with you last night"- his responses were about other things, dinner, etc. didnt respond about that..and then we met with a group for dinner- that she orchestrated so I would have a nice last night in her town - important to mention, she lived around the corner from the restaurant.
-he didnt save me a seat but I sat next to an old friend one seat away from her. I was a bit upset about that and everytime she got up, she didnt touch my chair or anything, last night she was all over me like white on rice in public and in private
-I saw she was warm to me but not like he was the night before, but very nice and kind- but when she passed me no eye contact
-my friend said she could see on my face I was angry/hurt and so could she
-we left and she said, I will see you in DC in a day (on business)- I will ring you then- we had planned to hang out for two and a half days- she had one fitting to go to but was free to hang out, even stayed at a hotel in my neighborhood- it was to be our trip
-back to the dinner in her home town- she didnt ask me out for a drink or anything for alone time- just said see you in DC
-I was then visibly pissed and angry and when she said"come here" like for another hug goodbye I pulled away. She seemed angry-
-got back to the hotel- she called and said "what was wrong with you at dinner? you were weird and quiet- I said I had a migrane , which she knew
- she seemed mad- very cold.
-then I sent her an apology to say I was not myself and I was sorry-my migrane made me quiet
- she sent an email that said that I get it, its actually that I pulled back because of what I said to you about relationships- i hope we can be friends- ended it just like that
-also, the trip she talked up about we are going to do this and that when I get to DC when we met in his city..well, suddenly she sends me a text that says suddenly plans were going to be "busy"...telling I know
- I was devestated!!!!!! I sent a nice email to say that I understood but didnt really say how hurt I was...she had sent me on a whirlwind and then clipped it- I thought everything was going so well
- sure enough the next day she came to town, never called. I sent an email that said i hoped the trip was going well. her responses were cold - Im tired, blah blah. I said are you sure you want to be friends, because it seems like you are upset with me. She just said, yes, I do want to be friends. But never saw me. Now she is back home. I am so upset. I have been told by my friends i am by no means allowed to call or email her at all - and if I do I have to wait for a month or longer??? I dont see how that will help. Part of me wants to be honest and say, really, what happened? but whats the point right? I want to salvage something but feel like my hands are tied. Any opinions? thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 8:04am

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 9:05am

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Hi Stacy and Welcome to the Board!


I'm sorry you are in such a predicament. Sounds like the woman you met may not be in a good place to have a relationship right now. I'm sorry she left you so confused, but perhaps give her some time and as Caly said send a quick note in the next few weeks asking how she's doing. In the meantime, try to focus on moving forward.


Hugs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 11:13pm
Well, its been a few weeks and I sent her a few tapes- things I had done when we were becoming friends- I told her I would continue to do that (I work at a sports channel and shes a big tennis fan)- we recorded all of the recent tennis matches and I used to send them to her. I continued to do that and she never even sent a thank you. I know that she once told me that if someone made her angry she made them disappear- its the way she said she handled things. Maybe what happened at dinner really enraged her- I dont know but yes,I have become invisible. Occasionally I sent a quick, no questions asked email, "hey, just to let you know your shippng dept has the tennis matches- hope you are well- kind of emails and nothing. Not one response- so humiliating and so confusing. I continue to send them (we only have two more weeks where we crank out these things) but now when I send them I dont put a note in. I feel too much like a sucker. I think of her everyday and keep hoping she will come around and be friends but I guess she is spending her tme texting someone else..Stacy
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 2:45am

I have to jump in on this one cuz it's my favorite subject.

hugs

halo