this is difficult

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
this is difficult
3
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:26pm

Hello. I wasn't sure which section to put this in, since i'm new here, so i just plopped it down on this one. sorry if it's in the wrong place.

i just wanted to say hello and explain a little about myself and why i'm here.
My name is Krystal and i'm 20 years old, from Indiana.
I start dating guys around my freshmen year of high school, and i pretty much have been ever since. During my junior year of high school I started to think maybe I was a lesbian. even though i'd had a few boyfriends, i never really felt attracted to them. i never wanted to go any farther than kissing (it drove them nuts as you can imagine, haha), and i thought about girls a lot. I'd see a girl and think "wow she is gorgeous" but i never really thought anything about the way any guy looked. When I became a senior I started to have a major crush on a girl on the soccer team with me. I thought about her a lot and I was nervous as hell around her. Then I started dating Dan. It just kind of happened, but I really did fall in love with him. I always still knew that I was attracted to girls, but I found one guy that attracted me and I liked to do things with.
We broke up a year later and I was devasted but okay.
I then became really good friends with this girl, Ashley, and I became head over heals for her. We spent every day and night together. She never said anything about liking girls, in fact there was this guy she kept trying to date, so I never tried anything. But one night she and I drank together, and soon she was leaning over me telling me she wanted to kiss me. I was drunk as well and so we did. Everything.
After that we were still friends but she just referred to that night as us being silly and drunk. We never did anything else after that and it was hard but it confirmed what I had known all along, that I was definitely at least bi.
Since then I haven't done anything else with a girl. Dan and I got back together, and I am now pregnant with his baby. We decided to separate (but are still really good friends) and that's why I've found this place. I want to find a good girl to be with, like I always have, but I don't know any lesbians or bisexuals. I'm also pregnant, which definitely complicates things (but what girl doesn't like a baby? heh). But I see all these people with partners, and I just wish that I could find one. But I just haven't come across any. I know there was a girl that liked me in my grade when I was a senior, and she is one of my best friends now, but at the time I was dating Dan and now she is in the army where it's a big No-No.
Well I know this is confusing, I guess I'm just losing hope. I wish I knew where to "find" people like me.
Thanks for reading, I know it was long!!
<3 Krystal

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 7:20am

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 9:01pm

Hey sweetheart...just wanted to say hi. I am from Pennsylvania. I know your far away but I would love to get to know you. My names Crissy and I am 21. I am sure you have myspace so you can look me up. My e-mail that you can search with is ciler160@kutztown.edu. If you have aim my screenname is ckuluv. Anyway if you ever need to talk about anything just hit me up. <3

Crissy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 10:50am

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Hi Krystal! Welcome to the board! So glad you posted.


I have to echo what Caly said. Getting through pregnancy and dealing with a newborn are going to consume your life for the most part for a while. But that doesn't mean that you should stop having fun or meeting new people. Unfortunately, relationships take time to find and develop. Getting yourself into the GLBT community through church or other social activities will give you a great start.


Good luck and hope you'll stick around!


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