lost and broken
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| Tue, 12-26-2006 - 1:42pm |
Hello.
I am new here and am looking for some sisterly advice. I'll try to keep this condensed-I was in a heterosexual, marriage for 13 years. I have 2 children, 8 and 11. In 2000, while still married, I met a woman, online. We then met in person when she was visiting my MA(she was from NC). There was an instant, mutual attraction however, I was married and I had no clue at the time that she was gay. The day we met, she was with another woman that she was sort of "with", which I later found out. After she returned back home, we talked ALOT. During these converstions, it took awhile, but things came out about her...finally. After about a month of conversation, she admitted that she was falling in love with me and that she was breaking it off with this other woman. I found it odd but I was definately having feelings for her too. Anyway, that statement turned my world upside down. We started sneaking around to see each other. In time, my husband caught on and made things very ugly for me. He told me he would still have me if I stopped all communication with her. I couldn't do it...I NEEDED her in my life. She knew what I had given up to be with her. She would tell me, "One day, I will be up there with you and we will be together". She once told me that she wanted my divorce papers as her b-day gift. Needless to say, I got divorced and started a life on my own with my 2 children. At some point, during the course of our 6 year relationship, her ideas about coming to MA changed. She said that her parents were aging and that they would one day need her - she now had no plans of leaving NC and I couldn't leave MA because of the divorce agreement. Despite her change of plans, we managed to be together every 6-8 weeks, without failure. It was very hard on both of us every time we had to part but we always hung on for the next time. I loved her with all of my heart and soul and it was what I had to do to be with her. Despite the distance, it was a beautiful love. However, the distance of our relationship forced me to live 2 lives - the life with my love and the life as single "soccer mom". I didn't discuss my "private life" with many people as I wanted my kids to feel as "normal" as possible. Anyway, at the beginning of this nov. it was becoming very clear to my love and I that due to many reasons beyond our control, getting together this christmas was going to be impossible. This, unfortunately lead us to agree that maintaining a LDR was getting VERY hard. We decided to chill a bit and see what would be best for both of us. In the meanwhile, one week after this discussion, 2 days after my 40th, she implys that she has met someone within the last 2 weeks and that she had fallen for this person and a week after that she was already "in love". She stopped ALL contact with me. I did manage to get her on the phone or through e-mail every now and then but she had become so cold to me, her voice showed very little emotion to was I was suffering through. ALl she could say was "I am sorry, I didn't plan on this". SHE had moved on and I was/am left in misery. As much as it hurts, I have to accept that she has moved on however, the one thing that I have asked her for, she will not grant me. I have asked her for a more personal break-up. After 6 years,I feel that she owes me the respect of a face to face. She tells me that she can't do that. Her first reason was that she now had to consider the feelings of her new love and more recently, she said that it would be too emotional for her. Of course it would be emotional! Am I wrong in wanting this? I left my husband and home for this woman, she is treating me no better than a one nite stand. Now, I sit here, in between 2 lives, not really knowing where I fit in. My everyday life does not lend me the support that I need to get through this. I find myself seeking the support of my gay, male friends, who knew us as a couple and unfortunately live in GA. Could she really have switched her feelings so quickly or did lonliness get the best of her?
My apologies for the lengthy post, Thanks for reading.

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I am so sorry for you. It is a lonley life when you are not living in your "real home". I don't care if you have the companionship of a husband or 5 kids, it can be the lonliest feeling in the world if you are not where you yearn to be. I knew that I had to change that for myself and nobody else although my X was the catalyst for this change.
I was about to turn 34 when I met my X-love, I just turned 40 this Nov. I was married 13 years and although I know that I was always curious, I never came face to face with the affections of a woman, until my X. I always wondered what it was about me that made her go out on a limb and profess her love to me...a married woman with 2 children. What sort of vibe was I giving off and why did no one else ever suspect anything? In a way, despite the pain I am now feeling, she helped to free me. I still have a long way to go in being true to myself...I tend to keep my "private" life on the down low unless I feel very comfortable with the people I am relating to. Sadly, I believe this is out of fear of being judged...silly huh?
Take care of you.
Hi Sweetlove2 and welcome to the board! Hope you'll introduce yourself, so we can get to know you better! Great to have you here.
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