Do you ever get crushes on...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Do you ever get crushes on...
13
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 2:28pm

Lesbian women in Authoritative positions in your life ? Just a funny topic, I know. But I wondered if I am the only one.?
In a couple of "recovering places/institutes" as well as the place I am living at now...I seem to develop secret crushes on these women. I'll bet Freud would have a field day with this,but ahhhh, the memories. (smile) One was a very jock-ish soft butch woman who was a counselor...she could play a mean game of basketball. Another was a total butch, weekend house manager at a recovery house I lived in years ago. Turns out that she overstepped her boundaries with a few women after I left and became quite abusive with her new partner. Phew! Narrowly missed that one !

Another was a counselor that told me to try and have a Intimate but non-sexual relationship with a str8 woman and it would do a lot for my own self-healing.

I have a case manager here that is really cute, partnered and , ahhhhhh, I can dream can't I ? And no, I have never thought about crossing any inappropriate boundaries.

Just wondering ...any of this happened to you?

Designergrl47(Brandy)

"Thoughts are things! Think Good ones!"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 3:10pm

I have only known a handful of lesbians in authoritative positions and most were very nice and not overbearing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 4:51pm

Not sure exactly what description I would use for the women I'm attracted to. Melissa Etheridge, Nancy McKeon, Katherine Moennig (Shane/The L Word), Sarah Shahi (Carmen/The L Word), but as far as "authority figures", no, not really.

Your question also has me wondering how I'm viewed. I have pretty good "gaydar" (I think) but the few people who know that I'm in a relationship with a woman seem surprised. I'm feminine in appearance, although not a tiny little girly-girl. I'd call my build "rubenesque", and I have long wavy red hair. My career choices until recently might give cause for raised eyebrows, (law enforcement, construction, EMT), and my activity preferences might suggest it as well, if you like stereotypes. I like to fish, kayak, whitewater raft, shoot archery & handguns & play paintball. My musical preferences might be the biggest indicator, as Melissa Etheridge is my favorite, followed by Indigo Girls & Melissa Ferrick, etc.

Throughout all this, only once has anyone ever asked if I were a lesbian. (I wore a t-shirt I found in the boys section that said "Chicks dig me" to a Melissa Etheridge concert...still my friends said nothing!) Now I understand that you don't just go around asking, "So hey, are you a lesbian?" but it seems that I might have garnered more than one inquiry over the course of 41 years.

Anyway...just rambling...you made me think.
(Hmmm...wait a minute...maybe I AM the authority figure! Ha ha!)

~Storm

Spring SiggyBlinkie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2003
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 11:25pm
Hi girls. I too AM the authority figure and have been for many years. But I have found myself attracted to my superiors which always seem to be str8 females. So I can see the importance of the question. Fortunately I have maintained my ethical boundaries and have not slept with any of them, although the fantasies have been nice. My current superior, a vivacious woman that i would, and probably will loose my E-boundaries with at some point. She has shown interest in me and I have been trying to keep it completely business..but i know at some point we will surely cross the line. The connection between us is too strong and we are...surprise, best friends on top of everything. She knows I am seeing another woman at this time and hasn't pushed. But as I said, the connection is too strong. Funny enuf..she is married str8 woman.
Funny how the world spins.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 8:24am

I can't say that I had a crush on anyone because they were an authority figure, but I do remember before I came out and when I was younger, I once had a crush on my boss where I worked (though she was married and straight) and I once had a crush on one of my son's teachers. hehe (she was also straight)


I do think sometimes when we look up to people occasionally

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 9:25am


When I was younger- teens and early twenties, I had crushes on authority figures. I once had a crush on a boss- she was straight. All the women were straight actually.

Now that I'm much older, I am most impressed with the way a person treats them self and others. Job positions, degrees, etc. do not make the person in my humble opinion. Once the glitter is gone, all you really have is the person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 4:29pm
I currently have a crush on my counselor. She is "supposedly" straight and she is married. I say supposedly because I do not know her sexual perference. She seems to have a bit of a crush on me also. She is about 49 and I am 32. No matter how bad of mood she is in if she sees me or hears my voice her whole face will light up. For example my sister saw her at walmart we have very similair voices and when my sister said hi she went from frowning to smiling. Her eyes even sparkled my sister said and she turned around seeing it was not me her face changed. She talked it about me and said how she really liked our sessions. She said I was an amazing person. She will cry in our sessions sometimes when I tell her how I wish it could be more. I wrote her poems and she sighed and cried. I know someday we may go over the boundaries. (well we have a little bit.) It is confusing yet wonderful at the same time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 5:11pm

Uh-oh...um Michellelynn....just my H.O., but this sounds scary to me. Not as in spooky movie "scary" but way inappropriate. Not only for you to share your "crush", but for her, as a Professional, waaaaayyyy overboard to share (tears?) w/you.....or any thing really personal. When I wrote here about this and the current case manager I have a "crush" on...it's simply a passing flash of desire, ya know ? And I would never share it w/her or allow my desire to show. And it's not that big of one anyway. I believe what *I* am feeling is just the desire to be around other lesbian women...and I am hoping that once I am living elsewhere(and she is no longer my case manager) that she (and her partner...who is really nice)....and I can actually befriends. if not, that's ok, too.

Perhaps you will take issue with me saying my opinion here, but I've only spoken up out of caring...and have seen a few situations(with other people I knew) who had experienced this and it was disasterous.

If I was in your situation, I would go to another counselor. :)

Designergrl47

"Thoughts are things! Think Good ones!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 5:24pm
Why is this a bad thing? Sure we have a crush on each other but she has never really admitted it. She just seems to have a crush on me. She giggles around me and laughs at my jokes even when they are not funny. She flirts with me and winks at me. Yet we have boundaries because we agreed that there will be minimal touching. She is a great counselor and really inspires me. I do not think I can find a counselor to replace her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:32pm
I have to agree with Designergrl about this.. Only sharing my opinion also since you shared..but you state you write and read her poems and she crys cause you say you wish it could be more and she flirts with you and winks at you.. You say she doesn't admit she has a crush on you but that you both agree on miminal touching?.. Hon.. This is way not professional of her and.. Hon... you really have to ask why?... it's a bad thing?.. It's just not good.. How can she be a professional Councelor and be there to help you and be taking part in such conduct?.. If she can't control herself she

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 5:57am

Hello michellelynn,

I will give you some experience on this from me. I used to work for a couseling agency, and one of my co-workers, who is a counselor agreed to help me with some of my personal issues.

In the human services field, specifically, counseling, psychiatry and psychology, there is a term for what's going on. It's called transferrance(sp) and countertransference(sp). It's a normal occurance between therapist and client.

The only thing about this situation, it's dangerous and unhealthy, for you and your therapist to be that physically and emotionally close.

Going on with my experience, I fell in love and had a crush on this woman. Before my transition, it was known where I worked at that I was a lesbian, and they loved me and accepted me anyway, not because of the nature of the job, but this is how these people actually are. This woman is straight, and she knew exactly what was going on with me, because, I was paying too much attention to her. She did the what any good counselor and friend would do, she confronted me about it, respectfully, though, and we talked about.

Even though it broke my heart and the counseling for me had to stop, she put a respectful boundary between the two of us. I don't see her anymore, because I no longer work for the counseling agency, but I love her and I respect her to this very day, for her professionalism, and her friendship, and for her being honest with me about what was going on between the two of us.

Think about it, your counselor has professional boundaries that she must put in place. The rules between client and whatever professional person that's involved must be respected. When you said that your counselor suggested that the rules that she must abide by are screwed up, well, to tell you the truth, all I saw were red flags.

Any counselor worth their salt won't let anything "sidetrack" them. We all are human beings and we do become attracted to each other, but what's going on with your counselor is dangerous and unethical.

It's your choice. But if I were your counselor and if I knew I was going overstep a boundary, I would pull back and reestablish healthy boundaries, I wouldn't just brush them off.

This is just my experience that I'm sharing with you, only you can change things.

Thanks,

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

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