Why are lesbian relationships so intense

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Why are lesbian relationships so intense
5
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 12:16am
I am in my first lesbian relationship and every part of it seems so intense. From the sexual aspects to the emotional parts seem so strong whether positive or negative. Is every lesbian relationship like this? Is this a bad thing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 7:38am

HI and Welcome to the Board!


I am running late for work, so don't have time for a long post. However my feeling is, intense is not a bad thing.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 12:24pm

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Hi Mehlville! Glad you posted!


Interesting question you have. To me, having an intense relationship is a good thing. I like the passion that my partner Caly and I share. It makes for love that is deeper than I ever dreamed of, and we take each other to places that I never imagined we could go.


Also the previous crushes I've had on women have been very intense and they felt so "right", definitely more than with men. So, to me that means that being a lesbian is definitely what I'm meant to be. Recognizing that was freeing and helped me gain the strength I needed to live the life I've wanted to live for so long.


I've heard other reasons for why relationships between women are so intense, including hormones and that women connect more emotionally to others than men do. I'm always careful about making broad generalizations, but I do believe this is true

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 4:00pm
Well, I am happy and I think I'm in love, but I thought I had been in love with a man before and this is nothing like it. Nothing! Our every conversation is so full of possibility and new or fresh ideas. She doesn't let me shut down, (defense mechanism) and truly listens to what I need from her. She is younger than me, (I'm 27, she's 23) but so wise and simply amazes me often.
My greatest dilemma is that I don't have other lesbians in my life that I can talk to about this. I have one friend who is a lesbian but whenever I try to ask her about relationships I just get the whole "you're so lucky you found someone" rap. My straight friends don't know what the hell I'm talking about and I'm not out to my family yet. I think that's also where some of my stress comes from. It's an entirely different topic but still one I need advice on. I am a single mother raising a son. How do I incorporate my new lifestyle into my current roles as a elementary school teacher, a mother, a daughter and a sister? As hard as I try to avoid caring about what other people think, the bottom line is, people do treat lesbians differently.
I had my first oddly negative experience at the book store looking for books on lesbian parenting. I couldn't find one single book on lesbian relationships or sexuality or anything lesbian! So I mustered up my courage and asked a clerk who looked at me as if I had 10 heads. He muttered under his breath, "Never thought I'd have to look that up!" and then shook his head as he typed it into the computer. I understand that there are bigoted nuts every where you go, but does being a lesbian mean I my life is about to become this epic battle with society? The disapproval, the stares, the judgement and rude comments. It seems like it's all part of the package. I've been considering coming out to my parents and my brothers, but holding back because I am unsure of their reaction. We are a Black Catholic family and I don't think this will blow over any time soon. There will probably be questions I'm not ready to answer or haven't thought of. Judgment that makes me feel hurt and even a bit of rejection. A friend of mine did have the wisdom to tell me that no matter when or how I decide to tell them, it's going to create tension. My partner is standing beside me all the way, but at the end of the day, it's my life and my experience. I guess I'm just venting, but any advice on any of the things I'm struggling with would be so greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 6:08pm

Hi again!


Sorry I was in rush this morning.


First off I want to say congratulations on your relationship and finding someone so wonderful and supportive.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 1:04am

Very simply....

Thank you!