confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
confused
11
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 7:08pm

Hi everyone,

I'm not new to ivillage, but I am new to this message board and just needed somebody to listen to my story and maybe offer some advice about my current situation if possible. Anyway, I am 22 years old and have never been involved with a woman. I am attracted to men...I can never remember having a crush on a girl or anything like that, but at the same time, my sexual experiences with men have left something to be desired. I don't want to get too graphic, but when I masturbate, I usually think of women. However, I have never really been motivated to date a woman or experiment. I like being in romantic relationships with men, but I also like thinking about women. This has been bothering me for years, and I finally got the guts to discuss it with my counselor AND my mother. I'm just very confused as to my sexual orientation. I know it isn't always clear-cut and it's hard to put people into categories...but I'm not really sure where to go from here.
Thanks for listening!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
In reply to: emma_55
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 8:01am

Hi Emma, thwelcome2blue.jpg


First off know that you are definately not alone. Many of us went thru something similar to this at some point in our lives. (I can remember fantasizing about women when I was having sex with my XH many times, though

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: emma_55
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 10:51pm
Welcome Emma and ((((((Hugs))))))


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
In reply to: emma_55
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 4:43am
Hi Emma. I finally started looking for message boards or chat rooms where I could get some feedback because I am in the same boat as you. So...welcome--from one message board newbie to another.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
In reply to: emma_55
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 11:51am
Thank you for responding to my post - it's really nice to know I'm not alone. It's sometimes hard to talk to people when they don't understand where you are coming from or what you are going through, you know? I'm really thankful that message boards like these exist :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: emma_55
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 11:10am

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Hi Emma and welcome to the board! It's great to have you.


I would echo everything Caly said. Don't limit yourself at this point. You're still young, and as I said to Queenofapology earlier, most of us fall somewhere on the spectrum between gay and straight. The most important thing is the connection you feel to a person physically, emotionally, and mentally, whether or not it's a male or female. In addition to connecting that way, though, you will feel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
In reply to: emma_55
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 2:29pm

Welcome to the board!

I just love masturbation! lol....What a wonderful way to discover how your body should react when the touch is right! You sound pretty healthy to me. Fantasizing about women is an interesting take on things and yet you like being romantic with men? When you fantasize about the women, is it about them touching you and pleasing you or, you pleasing them? Are these fantasies based on skin to skin contact, general hand touching or full blown in bed rolling around and enjoying each others bodies? Yes, I'm full of questions! lol

I feel that just because your fantasizing about women, it doesn't necessarily mean that you swing that way. Sexual fantasies are a healthy thing. Perhaps they are women because you are pleasing yourself?

Guess you can say I like to get to the bottom of things! lol You don't have to answer these questions if you want! In my honest opinion, I don't think being a lesbian is something that we just wake up and decide. When you come face to face with a woman that is attractive to you and butterflies start floating around in your gut, then I would say you probably are a lesbian. When your fantasies become a reality, then I would find a sexual encounter with that person a great act of love and it will give you a clearer picture of where you stand sexually! I don't recommend going out to find a woman and get laid as a course of action. We aren't lesbians just because we want to have sex with a woman. Were Lesbians because we are in love with a woman and we want to be close to her in every aspect of her life!!! And that, is a sweet feeling and thing to have!

hugs

halo




Edited 2/27/2007 2:32 pm ET by halo_hvn

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
In reply to: emma_55
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 3:10pm

Hi halo,

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post! And I love masturbation too...I was just confused because when I started masturbating was when I realized I had some sort of sexual attraction toward women. My fantasies vary and surprisingly, don't really involve me. It's like I get turned on thinking about a naked woman...or if I were to see a picture of a naked woman, I will get turned on. I haven't really had that feeling of butterflies when I'm around an attractive woman, and I don't really have a desire to be with one sexually (this is partly why I am so confused - if I am turned on by women, why don't I feel the desire to be with them?) I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out. Do you think it is worth it to try to explore more into this??

-Emma

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
In reply to: emma_55
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 5:33pm

Hi again Emma,


Its starting to sound to me like you may be experiencing more of a sexual fantasy then a wake up call to being a lesbian, If as you say, you

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: emma_55
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 12:15am
Big Grin... or pleasant *Smile I should say... to the skin on skin pic in my mind!~
*Smiles~~~~~


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
In reply to: emma_55
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 2:54pm

Hi Emma:

At this point in your life I would continue to enjoy the romantic company of men that you feel. Let fate bring you face to face with a woman that actually does stir the butterflies. You will know that moment when it slaps you in the face. I see beautiful attractive woman all the time and yet never feel any attraction to them at all. Lesbians are not at all attracted to every woman that we see. Lol, I know straight woman actually think that it's all we do/fantasize about them....No, we fall in love with a woman and experience the pleasure of her with all aspects of her life....not just having sex. I hope this might eliminate the confusion for you.

As I agree with Ting, in that I wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings...unless that person knew that your intention up front is merely for sex! Maybe you should rent a porno video of women having sex with each other? This is probably as close as you should get.The video will turn you on and help you enjoy your moments alone with whatever stimulates you the most. Well, good luck!

hugs


halo

hugs

halo

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