Break Up
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| Fri, 02-23-2007 - 10:50pm |
My girlfriend of six months decided to call it quits on me today. I didn't see it coming at all. I was so in love with her, and I thought she was so in love with me. We have only had one problem, and the issue revolved around the "l" word. One morning I was really depressed when she woke up to head off to work (at 5AM), i told her that i felt like crap and that i was probably going to be up for the day. So she calls me around 6AM and tells me that she hates to see me like that because she really loves me. i couldn't reciprocate that, and i felt like crap for saying that i couldn't. she thought that was it. she thought i was going to leave her because i wasn't as much into her as she was me. so anyways, that was a few months ago. a couple of weeks ago i felt the most love that i have ever felt, and i told her. she barely responded, but i thought things were okay when we held each other for the rest of the night.
we had an excellent v-day and a great past couple of weeks. in fact, we had probably the most amazing sex (sorry if too much info) monday night. we held each other throughout the night happier than ever, or so i thought. today she decided to tell me that the minute i told her that i loved her her love for me turned off. she doesn't think she can be "that girl" for me. i tried my hardest to keep her, but she just said that it was unfair to me, and that i deserve more than that. so i left her house without saying a word.
that was the last we spoke.
i love her so much. i can't be away from her. it's been less than 12 hours and i already miss everything about her.
i just need help coping.
Edited 2/23/2007 10:57 pm ET by serafinac

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Hi Sera,
I am very sorry to hear about your breakup. It sounds to me like your girlfriend was the one that had intimacy problems. It can be scary for some people to take that next step in committment, it takes maturity that not everyone has depending on their age and situation.
C >^. A .
Welcome, Sera! Caly and Cat gave you some great words of wisdom. I know it's hard, but time does heal all wounds. The good thing is that you've been honest with her. That's such an important part of communication in a relationship.
Perhaps it's still too early to say it's over, though. As you said, it had only been 12 hours when you posted. That's not a lot of time, and your g/f may have just needed some time to think. If you really want to make it work and think you can work on your issues AND are willing to wait a little bit, then don't give up just yet.
Good luck to you and hugs!
UPDATE:
Last night we talked and I put my heart on the line. I told her what I was feeling and where she stood in my mind. I told her to think about a couple of things:
-When you lose something, you try to find it.
-When I wasn't so much in love, I didn't quit. I knew that I had to at least try to get there.
-If we work together, we might figure out a way to fix this... but if we work alone, we're likely to go nowhere.
So she told me she would think about these things and decide what the next plan of action is.
So she called me tonight and told me where she was at. She doesn't think it's fair to either of us to consider ourselves girlfriends right away. She thinks she hurt me too much, and that it's going to take some time to build trust. She told me also that she does not want to sleep with me until she knows where her emotions are. ... I'm okay with this (I guess) ... She also told me that we are still going to go with our plans of going to NYC together. We will see where things are then.
I was thinking of a really romantic idea to try to spark up the flame we had... I'm thinking of recreating our first actual date. We went on a wonderful little picnic and i told her that i regretted something that happened the week before (when we just went out as friends)... she got really nervous, and then I said something along the lines of: I really regret not doing this... and i leaned over and kissed her. (that was a bit of a tangent, but whatever :P)However for my recreation, it will not be exactly the same since it is winter now and we probably don't want to picnic outside. I also am going to try my best not to kiss her, but that will be hard.
What do ya'll think of that idea? cheesy?
I think the idea is really sweet Sera, as long as you don't push things too fast and force her into a corner. The conversation you had was great and I think the reaction she had was good too. It sounds like she wants to give this a try and figure out feelings before you go back to having sex. I can see where that is a good thing.
Being romantic and flirting a bit is fine as long as you keep the lines of communication open too. See how she reacts and if she seems uncomfortable then explain what you were trying to do.
I think most of all right now just give it time, work on your friendship and talk, talk, talk. Its the foundation of a strong relationship anyway.
Good Luck
*Hugs
I'm so glad you two talked and are going to give it another shot. I'm sure it will be hard not to be physical, but perhaps it's a good idea to work on the trust issues first. That's the foundation of any good relationship, and once you've got that, you can move on to other areas.
Good luck and hugs!
I think it is a great idea to do the date thing.
One of my Ex's did a picinic in a motel room for us once in the winter. She had bread, wine, cheese etc. she had a picnic table cloth on the floor and we sat on the floor and ate. I thought it was very romantic and cozy. I loved it.
She was abusive which is what ended our relationship. So, don't worry that she became my Ex after that.
We did have a wonderful date that night though. I think you should do it. Send her in to take a hot shower and while she is in there set up the picnic. Don't forget the candles.
Good luck and keep us posted I am rooting for you!
Hugs, Laurie
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I did the indoor picnic today! We had planned to see each other, so I asked her if she wanted to do lunch at my place. When she got here she asked me what we wanted to make. I told her to follow me. Leading her into my room (so as not to disturb my roomates), I told her that "this doesn't mean anything big, but I just thought it was a nice way to begin again." I had set up a picnic, complete with a tree (like we had on our first date) and all the foods and drinks we had on our first date. I even went so far as to wear the same outfit. When she opened the door, her eyes teared up and she gave me a huge hug. We had our lunch and sat and talked for a while. We talked about us. We talked about our trip. We talked about a lot. We cleaned up, went for a walk, and came back and sat down on the couch. She told me that what i had done "took her breath away." Then she continued to talk about us and said that she thinks now that it was because she was really scared that we were both in different places (she's 30, i'm 20...). And i talked about the place i was in. We agreed that we would continue to work on things.
:)
WHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO Sera!
Sounds like it couldnt have gone any better! Congratulations!
*Hugs
*Smiles~
C >^. A .
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