lost and confused
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| Sun, 02-25-2007 - 4:31am |
Hi, everyone. I just read another discussion entitled "confused" and I feel like I could have written it myself.
I am 28 years old, and I feel a little too old to be wondering about my sexuality. I have always been attracted to men, I've even been engaged but I also feel like sex with men is not exactly "it" for me (heh, maybe it was just the men I was with ;o). Lately, I have recognized my attraction to women--exclusively. I have never been with a woman and I really have no outlet for these feelings. To be honest, I don't know if it's just about sex or if I am really attracted to women on an emotionally intimate level as well.
The reason all of this is a problem for me is that I live in a VERY religious, very conservative town, and have very conservative friends. But even while I was a conservative church girl, I was pretty liberal. ;o) I brought up the issue of sexuality with my best friend because of an anti-gay comment her husband made, and what it came down to is that our friendship would change if I were gay. To my friends it is a "choice" and an "abomination." I'm sure they would think it had something to do with negative dating experiences...and part of me even wonders if that's true.
I'm sure this happens to a lot of people. But how do I find people in my town who will accept me? How do I find someone to date? And, if I do, will they accept the fact that I have never been with a woman? Argh! Too many questions. I am just ready to find people I can talk to about this.
Thanks ;o)

Hello
As far as I'm concerned, if your friend says that her friendship would be lacking if you were to find yourself to be a lesbian, it's quite obvious that your friendship is conditional. I don't know where you live, but I'm pretty sure there is a lesbian and gay community. I live in a conservative state, DE and the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender community is here, and we are quite active.
I'm spiritual myself, but what church I go to doesn't dictate my life or my choices. Only you can know what you are and I hardly think that 28 is too old to find out about yourself. Self realization is a lifetime adventure. Plenty of people come out late in life.
More later..
Sebastian.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Hi Missalish,
I am glad you found us and I hope we can help you a bit along your journey.
Hi,
I just read your post and tell you that I can really relate to where you are coming from. Like I said, I have always been attracted to men, but something always seems to be missing when it comes to the sexual part. I guess part of my confusion is I do feel an emotional and romantic connection with men...but then again, I have never been with a woman so it's hard to say how I would feel about that. When I told my mom about my confusion, she told me it was probably because of my negative experiences with guys (I dated some not-so-nice people) and "not to worry." The counselor that I am seeing told me it might be worth it to see what it is like to be with a woman. In a way, that is really scary for me, because I never thought in a million years that I would be doing this. Anyway, just know that you are not alone in this :) Have a good rest of the weekend!
-Emma
Wow! I am sorry that you have such a conservative delema. I lived in a small conserative town once and belonged to a church and got saved and born again, but still remained gay. Even though the church and people were very conservative they remained my friends. I was even asked to be in charge of worship for the childrens church so, you never know how people will react to you. Of course your situation may be different. I have a friend who was actually told to leave her church when she came out.
I think we should look up some of gay pride inc. sites and see if there is a group in your area that can help you get to know people who are gay in your area or near you in surrounding areas.
Just search Gay Pride Inc. and see what you come up with.
I hope you stay here and talk with us. We are all here for each other so don't be a stranger.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Hi missalish! Glad you posted! We love having new folks join the board and share parts of their lives with us. You've already gotten lots of great advice, so I won't repeat anything you've already read.
Don't be afraid to explore and learn about the GLBT community. That will help you figure out whether or not you want to seek out a relationship with a woman. And you will know if it's the right thing, trust me!
As far as being accepted by your conservative community, I have to say that you have to be VERY strong in dealing with people in this type of community if you come out. You have to know ahead of time that you will lose some relationships, but in the end, it's their loss, not yours. And you have to be ready for that. It's unfortunate that in order to be happy you have to risk losing some things that are very important to you, but sometimes that's what happens in these types of circumstances.
Don't let all of that get in the way of your pursuit of happiness! You deserve that and I think that many of us would tell you that we waited too long.
Hugs