Another Sad Confused Kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Another Sad Confused Kid
15
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 3:52am

Hi,
I'm new here. First post and everything, though I've checked a couple of the other topics to see how redundant this will be. I'm sure it's really redundant, actually, but... I guess everyone's case is different, and I need to get it out, so I might as well.

I've been wondering for a couple years now just where exactly I stand in terms of sexuality, and though I thought I'd been pretty convinced of my heterosexuality for quite a while, it's really been coming into question lately. And I don't even know why- I just don't feel attracted to men. I feel like I only care about men because I feel powerful when they give me attention, which really isn't what love or attraction should be about at all; but with that aside, I should mention that I'm currently in a sticky situation with dating a close male friend of mine. It's not working. I don't want him to touch me, and I hate the thought of kissing or being close with him or any other male.
I'm nineteen and have never had sex or even deep-kissed anyone, but I feel like something is amiss here. I hate that my lack of experience is making me even more confused, because people try to tell me that I can't know I'm a lesbian if I've never been intimate with a woman. But I've never been intimate with a man either. And I really kind of find the idea disgusting. I feel much more comfortable around women, and I find that I have fewer reserves about touching them and becoming emotionally close to them.
...I have to break up with my friend either way, but holy crap, do you think it'll make him feel any better knowing it's because I actually like girls instead?

Sorry to ramble like this, but I really don't know where else to go- I don't know where at this tiny college I can meet other girls who might feel the same way, so I've turned to the internet. I feel like I should have figured this out already, or that I shouldn't be figuring it out yet without getting more Data, so to speak, but... it's just an ugly situation.
I'd appreciate any advice you could give. As verbose as this may have sounded, I really just feel like a lost little girl right now, and I'm taking this very seriously because I don't know what else to do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 7:34am

Hi Queen, thwelcome2violet.jpg

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 9:14am
Hi Queen
Welcome to the board!
Please don't feel redundant.
I think you could be gay. Only you can be sure of that though. Maybe you should try being with a woman if it does not offend you.
I hate to see you feeling so lost. I wish you the best in finding yourself. Please stick around and talk with us. We are here for you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 11:02am

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Welcome, Queenofapology! It's great to have you here! Don't feel bad about posting anything redudant. Everyone's situation is unique, and we're here to talk with you and support you.


I wasn't able to without a doubt identify myself as a lesbian until I was 35 years old. I wish I had figured it out sooner, but really it's never too late. And I think many of us fall somewhere along the spectrum between heterosexual and homosexual. I know women (including myself and my partner) who've been attracted to men in the past (we were both married for many years), but the feelings we have when we're with women are so overpowering it's very clear which gender we prefer to be with.


I wish there was a magic answer for this. It's soooo difficult, I know. But it's good that you are doing this kind of self-reflection at such an early age. Be open to new experiences and find ways to get to know other lesbians. I think at your age you just have to do a lot of exploring until you can know for sure. Don't limit yourself to one type of person. . . be it male or female. . . you'll know when it's right.


Hugs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 2:51pm
Thanks for all the kind words, I really do appreciate them.
I think I'm mainly just stuck in a position where I feel like I have to make a decision in order to get on with my life- I hate getting hung up on things, and I'm afraid to have regrets. It's kind of silly, not to mention impossible, but that tends to be how my mind works.
I have a gay (male) friend who has been helping me through parts of this process, but I'm trying not to rely on him entirely, because that's unfair and it wouldn't make me a very good friend. I'm just doing the best I can~
It's a relief finding such support. It's not that I don't think my friends would be supportive, but they're probably just as up-in-the-air as I am most of the time. :P
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 11:05am

Glad we can give you some support. It's great that you have a gay friend to talk to. I'm sure he can give you an entre into the life of a homosexual.


The way your mind works is not silly! I'm kind of the same way. I had a plan for my life but at 35 realized I wasn't being true to myself. And I don't have any regrets. Everything I've done, no matter how difficult,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 2:10pm

I would like to welcome you to our board too!

Wow, so young and intelligent! My two cents is not worth a million, but everyone adds up! Take life slow and don't feel that you have to make a choice one way or another. Focus on your studies and when you have play time, play your hardest! It has always been my philosophy that we fall in love with the person were most attracted to. Someday, if a woman or a man is to be in your life, you will feel it most when they are all you can think about. When I was in college, I felt the same way as you described. I dated men because it was what we were supposed to do and I never felt any attraction to any of them. So, instead of questioning my sexuality, I simply focused on getting my arse to class and pass the college pub up as fast as my legs could take me! lol My Freshman year was a total waste because of that Pub! lol Eventually, I fell into a social groove at school and had a crush on an education major. She was totally beautiful and I knew then that I wanted to be with her. Of course that didn't happen, however, I was pursued by another girl, we hooked up and it was the best time I had in my life! So, like everyone here has stated, take it slow.....

hugs


halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 5:33pm

What's interesting about all this is, just yesterday I met someone who I can't stop thinking about! Her name is Margaret, and she approached me first, by complimenting me on my performance in a play that I've been in recently- I noticed how she met my eyes and stood closer to me than most people would in their first conversation with someone else. But what really struck me was how much I appreciated it, and how I didn't feel uncomfortable like I usually do.
Though we just spoke for a few minutes, tops, she's been on my mind ever since, and I think she's beautiful. The crazy thing is, I looked her up on Facebook (for those who don't know, it's like Myspace for college students and we use it to keep in contact when we're too lazy to call each other and whatnot), and she is actually into women! I was so surprised I almost fell out of my chair- just surprised at how lucky I was, I mean. But I'm extremely unlucky in that she's in a relationship already.
Ouch.
I'm not the type to try and break up a relationship- I think I was just proud that my "gaydar" wasn't off and that I might have detected genuine interest. The only thing keeping this situation from really being good is the fact that, of course, she's attached.
...and... well, I technically still am, too. I'm going to break up with him tonight, I think, but I've been holding off until I know I can be sincere and serious when I tell him that I want to stay friends and I mean it.

I'm tempted to take Halo's advice and just not bother yet, but I feel like this is something I need to dig into a little before I let it pass for a while. I agree, though- dating isn't my top priority right now. I just have some deliberating to do. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 6:03pm

Well congratulations I guess! (sorry she is currently in a relationship)


Obviously there is 'something' in you since you are attracted to this woman, and if she came on to you the way you say, then her gaydar may have gone off as well, and while she is attached and therefore may not be available, what she may have been doing was "the look" as we call it. A way that we as 'family' let each other know we know (so to speak)


What this may offer though is an opportunity to meet and be around other lesbians. Perhaps you can become friends with this girl and she can introduce you to others.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 7:35pm

Hey, at least you're asking/talking.

Welcome to the board. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 12:29am
Welcome Queen~~and (((((Hugs))))


 C  >^. A .

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