Thursday Thoughts... Holding Hands...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thursday Thoughts... Holding Hands...
77
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 7:25am

Greetings ALLAPoint.gif


Well I got lots of great feedback about discussing some of the day to day issues we face as lesbians so I am looking forward to this weekly thread.


And, since we had

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 1:36pm

THAT is the best news I have heard in a long time Kim! 8-)
*Hugs*
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I didn't know what Caly was excited about so I went back to your post. It's a good thing too. I thought maybe (1) you won the big lottery, (2) you won the bet against Angie Jolie and supporting 1000 babies like you and your love planned, (3) you were elected to Strum Thurman's seat and going to The Capital to give them Help. *grin*

I'm going to CT this sunday to the casino. Funny thing about CT, I never been anywhere else in that state beside Foxwood or Mohegan Sun. *l*

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 4:27pm

I'm new here (just stumbled across this board) and so a little late to this party, but I thought I'd throw in my two cents.

My girlfriend and I live together in Atlanta, and we are affectionate in public on a daily basis. I never even give it a second thought. We're both pretty cuddly/affectionate by nature, and it never occurs to me to tone it down in public. We aren't inappropriate by any means, but we contantly hold hands or have our arms around each other or whatever. And we do kiss in public fairly frequently -- I'm not talking about making out, just a quick peck on the cheek or lips. We've never had a bad reaction...or any reaction at all, really. I've never noticed anyone taking any notice of us, at least not any more than they would a similarly-affectionate straight couple. If someone said something negative to me about it, I'd be absolutely shocked.

I could never live anywhere that made me feel like I had to monitor or change my behavior. I know there are tons of couples around the world who choose to live semi-closeted because they fear public reaction, and I totally respect that they are making the right decision for themselves/their family, but that's not something I could live with. I like that I never even give it a thought before reaching for Jamie's hand or giving her a kiss.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 11:45am

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Hi Annie! Welcome to the board. I grew up in Athens and lived in Atlanta for several years before moving to Knoxville, TN. My partner Caly (co-CL of the board) and I still live in Knoxville but would like to move back to Athens someday.


You are lucky to live in a city where you feel so comfortable being open/affectionate with your girlfriend. I know in the more conservative areas of Georgia and the Atlanta suburbs, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with it. We live in a very closeted community, and it's mostly because around here you could lose your job if you're out and you're likely to be singled out and shunned if you are openly affectionate. So, it's hard here, especially having children. My own DD1 is trying to find her way with our relationship w/r/t her friendships. So far she's encountered teasing from only one friend.


Sorry to ramble on! It's great to have you here, and I hope you'll stick around and become part of our community!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:23pm

Thanks for the warm welcome!

I definitely know how lucky I am. It's not really a matter of luck -- it's a matter of spending years researching how gay-friendly various communities, choosing one that was perfect for me, and then making a big move. I grew up in rural Ohio, which is about as tolerant as rural Georgia. My entire family basically disowned me when I came out. They are evangelical Christians (southern baptists) who have on various occassions told me that I am "possessed by a demon" and "doing the work of satan". So my road to coming out had its share of bumps.

My real luck came in the fact that I was able to accept my sexuality fairly young (21-22) despite my family. By that time I was a student at the University of North Carolina, and Chapel Hill is a little oasis of liberal acceptance in an otherwise bright red state. I was surrounded by freethinkers who barely batted an eye when I confessed that for years I'd been attracted to girls and that's why I never dated much despite all the dates they set up for me. I spent another four years in Chapel Hill and then moved to Atlanta because I thought I'd be most comfortable there.

I knew from research -- websites, magazines and word of mouth -- which areas were the most gay friendly and I sought out one of those neighborhoods. I also sought out a job where I could be completely open and accepted. As a nanny, I need to have a strong bond with the family I work for, so being in the closet is just not an option for me. So when I started looking for jobs in Atlanta, my portfolio contained a disclaimer that basically said, "I believe nannying is more than just a job. I am looking for a family who wants more than just an employee. I see the nanny-employer relationship as an extended family. In that vein, you should know that I am a lesbian and will only work for families who are completely accepting of my sexual orientation."

As it turns out, my sexuality was a plus for me because I wound up with the best job I've ever had and employers I like more than any I've ever worked for. They are a gay couple who recently had their first child via a surrogate. When they contacted me, the surrogate wasn't even pregnant yet, but they were so excited to find a nanny with my credentials who also happened to be a lesbian. They were convinced I was the one for them and made it worth my while to commit to them early on. The contract was signed before the surrogate was out of her first trimester.

When I came out, I made a promise to myself that I would never live anywhere that I didn't feel comfortable. I might be a minority, but I could surround myself with others like me so I didn't ever feel alone. And I feel especially strong about that when it comes to having kids. Jamie and I are planning to start a family in the next couple of years (we're not ready yet, hence my cl position of the Waiting to Try board) and we both feel very strongly that we don't want our kids to grow up feeling like there is anything strange about having two moms. We want them to live in an area with lots of same-sex families.

I definitely feel for you, dealing with your DD's teasing. Being a kid can be so hard sometimes, and I think it's just as hard for parents to watch their kids dealing with the hard stuff. Does she know any other kids who have gay parents? If not, you might want to look into a support group, even if it's online vs. real life if there isn't one local. I'm sure it would help her to talk to kids who have been in a similar position.

Okay, I'm not sure how this turned into a novel. Anyway, thanks again for intro and I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone on the board!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:53pm

I enjoyed reading your "novel", Annie! lol I want to definitely reply back but will have to wait until we get back from our camping trip this weekend (in Georgia, BTW!). Maybe someday when we are in Atlanta, we can hook up with you - maybe even with some friends of ours from No. Georgia.


Love the pic of you and Jamie! You make a lovely couple!


Hugs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:09pm
Glad I didn't bore you too badly! Have fun on the camping trip. I'm jealous -- Jamie and I keep talking about going camping, but we haven't gotten around to it yet. And I'd love to meet up sometime if you get down this way!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:19pm

Welcome to the board, Annie! *Smile*

Love it! It great to read the enthusiasm on your life. I think we have a broad range of ages on this board to tell of our experiences and the environment we grew up in. It’s great to read someone in their twenties choosing her own life and actually finding support too, granted it’s outside the immediate family but still being supportive anyway. *S*

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