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| Sat, 03-17-2007 - 8:01pm |
I am not sure if it is okay for me to post here, but I am seeking some help.
Throughout my life I have had attraction to some women, as well as some men. I can't say as though either attraction is stronger than the other, but I only considered following my attraction to men as I was taught that was the right thing to do. I am married to a wonderful man and we have children together, but I also find my attraction to women to be coming stronger and stronger. I have talked to my husband about this in a round about way (hypotheticly) and he thinks it is perfectly natural for a woman to be attracted to other women. He even said if I ever met another woman and wanted a "relationship" with her, that he would not consider that cheating. Again, he said he thinks it is natural. He is not one of those men who wants to see it or be involved. He very much believes intimacy is between two people, and any extra causes problems.
Anyhow, I am not looking for a sexual relationship outside of my marriage. What I am looking for is people to talk to that know my feelings and can accept me the way I am. I feel like I can't even tell my best friend because I am afraid she would feel "weird" around me.
I have a few lesbian friends, and I haven't even let on how I feel. To them I am just the super supportive straight conservative chick that fights for gay rights. However, I feel more comfortable around them than anyone else. Like I can more closely identify with them that others. I want to make more lesbian/bi friends so that I feel like I have more in common with them. Is this making sense?
Are there any forums on the net that are active but private where I could talk to others?
Like I said, I do not a relationship. Just recently I was outright hit on by a woman, and she told me she wanted to have sex with me. I was offended. I didn;t even know her. I am not about sex, I am about personal chemistry and attraction. I am about relationships. My feeling that I am bi-sexual has nothing to do with action or sex and everything to do with my feelings deep down inside. It seems to me that too many people use the excuse of being bi to be sexually promiscuous (sp?). I just want to feel comfortable being who I am and not feel like I am some weirdo.
Any advice? Any areas you can direct me?
Feel free to email me through my profile if you don't want to post back here.
Thanks,
Lynn

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Hi Lynn
This is definitely one place where you can feel comfortable and accepted.
Hi Lynn!
I agree, don't let one experience with a woman who has a severe lack of social skills taint your feelings towards exploring what other women have to offer.
C >^. A .
Like the other's have said, I think you have come to the right place. We all come from many different places and many on this board have been married to men at one time or another.
I have been an out lesbian since I was 18 years old and am now 47. I never met someone and just asked them to have sex. I need to know someone first and have that relationship you talk about.
Again as other's have said, please do not let one bad apple spoil your thoughts about women.
Of course I am not trying to influence you in that way either since you seem to have a wonderful marriage.
I think there are so many people who are bi-sexual. You do not have to act on it if you don't want to. It does seem that your husband has given you a green light to experience your sexuality if you want. You should think about the emotions though. And the feelings. What if you fall in love with someone while you are married and having a relationship with a woman or she falls in love with you. It could get a tad messy for your marriage. Just something to think about. Otherwise, be true to yourself. Once you accept who you are it gets easier. Do you have one woman in mind? Or just thinking in general?
Your husband is a good man for being open to letting you find yourself.
I hope you stick around and I wish you all the best.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Thank you all for your replies.
My hubby is supportive, but I could never have a relationship while with him JUST for the reasons mentioned. I need a deep emotional connection, and to that connection I must be true. I could not live with myself by burning both ends of a candle. I would not want to hurt anyone else, or myself. To find what I am looking for would take more of a commitment than "thanks, I'm off to my husband now". I think that is cruel and I would not do anyone like that. I also don't think that would be fair to my marriage, no matter how "okay" with it my hubby is.
As for my attraction, no, there is no one I am thiking of in particular. I am more attracted to the more masculine type women, but some of the girly girls get me going too. It just depends on a person and how they carry themselves.
Thank you again, it really helps to knwo I have people I can talk to.
Lynn
You can always come here to talk. I hope you know that now. We all have things we talk about here. people are very supportive here too.
I hope you feel comfy here.
hugs, Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
It can be a rough time, when we question our sexuality.
But it sounds like you have a loving, supportive husband from whom you have no intention 'straying'. (LOL..
Welcome, Lynn! You've already gotten some great advice, so I won't add too much. I'll just say always be true to yourself. I hope you will be able to find some more bi/lesbian friends (it's really hard these days, especially if you're in the closet), and I hope that you will be able to sort out your feelings within the bounds of your marriage.
Good luck to you, and I hope you'll continue to post!
Hey Lynn,
Welcome to the Board,
I will just add to what everyone else has said and say for you to follow your heart. It is hard, as they have all said we all have similar stories, I have been married twice and I have been with my partner for almost two years, and it just happened... I was having feelings like you are and knew there was something I was missing so to speak but I couldn't really figure it out but I knew I was attracted to woman but I kept making excuses for myself and eventually I did realize what it was I was missing but it is hard.. I was married to a good man, our marriage definitely had it's problems and had for years but he is a good person and we are still best friends... He knows but we don't discuss, it is easier for him this way, we also have a son. Where I am going and I am sure that a lot of the girls here can add is that there are so many more emotions that you go through along with trying to realize who you are, the guilt, the fear of what will happen if that is what you want, etc.... just be true to yourself, the rest will fall into place. Good luck to you on your journey and please feel free to come here for support...
Take care,
Brenda
Lynn, I am in a similar situation, but I do not have spousal support. My husband is decidely homophobic, so I stay deep in. Today is my first day finding this site, and with this posting my heart has just leaped at the chance to find somebody else where I am. My therapist and good friend has given me a great book by Joanne Fleisher called Living Two Lives: Married to a Man and In Love with a Woman. It covers all aspects of the things that we might be feeling. She, too, came out years ago and has a committed relationship with her partner, kids and everything. If all that is not what you seek, at least there are avenues to explore and people to meet. I am preparing to come out this spring in my union as we have a GBLT caucus in it.
Her website is LavenderVisions.com and if you live in the Philadelphia area, she is based there and runs many support groups.
I came out three weeks ago to my best friend, whom I had a crush on, and things did not go well, to say the least. It's just really hard.
By the way, all the rest of you sound so wonderful and supportive. You have given me some hope and peace as I try to figure out what the heck I am going to do!
BluediamondLdy
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