Seeking guidance

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Seeking guidance
54
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 8:01pm

I am not sure if it is okay for me to post here, but I am seeking some help.

Throughout my life I have had attraction to some women, as well as some men. I can't say as though either attraction is stronger than the other, but I only considered following my attraction to men as I was taught that was the right thing to do. I am married to a wonderful man and we have children together, but I also find my attraction to women to be coming stronger and stronger. I have talked to my husband about this in a round about way (hypotheticly) and he thinks it is perfectly natural for a woman to be attracted to other women. He even said if I ever met another woman and wanted a "relationship" with her, that he would not consider that cheating. Again, he said he thinks it is natural. He is not one of those men who wants to see it or be involved. He very much believes intimacy is between two people, and any extra causes problems.

Anyhow, I am not looking for a sexual relationship outside of my marriage. What I am looking for is people to talk to that know my feelings and can accept me the way I am. I feel like I can't even tell my best friend because I am afraid she would feel "weird" around me.

I have a few lesbian friends, and I haven't even let on how I feel. To them I am just the super supportive straight conservative chick that fights for gay rights. However, I feel more comfortable around them than anyone else. Like I can more closely identify with them that others. I want to make more lesbian/bi friends so that I feel like I have more in common with them. Is this making sense?

Are there any forums on the net that are active but private where I could talk to others?

Like I said, I do not a relationship. Just recently I was outright hit on by a woman, and she told me she wanted to have sex with me. I was offended. I didn;t even know her. I am not about sex, I am about personal chemistry and attraction. I am about relationships. My feeling that I am bi-sexual has nothing to do with action or sex and everything to do with my feelings deep down inside. It seems to me that too many people use the excuse of being bi to be sexually promiscuous (sp?). I just want to feel comfortable being who I am and not feel like I am some weirdo.

Any advice? Any areas you can direct me?

Feel free to email me through my profile if you don't want to post back here.

Thanks,

Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:05pm
Welcome((((Bluediamondldy)))) Glad you found us and this spot..Well if we've given you some

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:41pm
Welcome bluediamondldy. Sounds like you have been doing alot of soul searching.
I am sorry things did not work out better with your bestfriend, but maybe she will come around later and realize that she can still be your friend.
I wish you all the best and please stick around here. We will always be here to support you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 7:57pm
I can't beleive this place really exists!!! I am feeling wonderful. People actually TALK to you, because I have been feeling pretty much alone and crazy. I would like all of this to be easier, but that isn't going to happen. Gotta take it slow and let it happen.
BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 7:31am
~ Smiles ~ Just take it a day at a time like you said, take it slow and let it happen.
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 2:11pm

Afternoon Bluediamondlady,

Welcome to the board. I dont post as much as I should...I lurke a lot until something peaks my interest.

I, like the woman in the book you mentioned, was with a man for 18 years before I decided to be true to myself. I have been marreid twice in fact! My partner and I have been together for 3 years now. She had been married for 24 years. We have 5 daughters between us. I knew "J" for 12 years before we got together! It happened slowly...for me anyway! I had feelings for her long before I let her know...I was too afraid to loose her entirely. To my surprise, on the day I was going to tell her....she told me!! It was pretty crazy.

So....I guess what I am trying to say is, if its meant to happen, it will! You will know when the time is right! I always find myself wishing my partner and I had come out to each other sooner and not wasted so much time. But ya know what...it wasnt time wasted at all. If we had gotten together earlier, i would prob not have my two youngest daughters and life would be very different. I am a true beliver in fate...it happened when the time was right and not a minute sooner!!

Good luck and I hope to see more of you,
Daronda

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 2:14pm

Oops,

I just realized I address my post to the wrong person....sorry Lynn! I was reading and writing at the same time and put the incorrect name! It's Monday what can I say?

LOL.....Daronda

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 3:22pm

Welcome, bluediamondldy!


Glad you found us. It's been amazing to me to realize just how many women there are in your situation. I was in it too and am now with the love of my life, whom I met here (my co-CL, Caly). You're right...you gotta just take it one day at a time, and when the timing is right, things will fall into place.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket



Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 5:14pm
I am trying, but it seems to be rushing at me so fast. Plus, the future is NOW and I don't want to head into the rest of my life unhappy. This is crazy.
BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 5:30pm
Wow! What happened to slow? Lol.
It sounds like this is bothering you more than you really want to admit.
What are the reasons holding you back? And what are the reasons making you unhappy?
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 8:05pm

Oh, no, things do bother me and I admit it. No trouble there. You are absolutely right about slowing down. I will lose friends (more than I have already), family, etc. Anyway, I have always been calmer than I am now, and this is wild for me. I have a great need for people to know, and then I feel panicky when I tell somebody. The whole "you can't unring a bell" thing. Once it's said, there is no going back. This is all new, but not new, if you can read between the lines.

Anyway, the computer question was fun!

BLUE DIA