Seeking guidance

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Seeking guidance
54
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 8:01pm

I am not sure if it is okay for me to post here, but I am seeking some help.

Throughout my life I have had attraction to some women, as well as some men. I can't say as though either attraction is stronger than the other, but I only considered following my attraction to men as I was taught that was the right thing to do. I am married to a wonderful man and we have children together, but I also find my attraction to women to be coming stronger and stronger. I have talked to my husband about this in a round about way (hypotheticly) and he thinks it is perfectly natural for a woman to be attracted to other women. He even said if I ever met another woman and wanted a "relationship" with her, that he would not consider that cheating. Again, he said he thinks it is natural. He is not one of those men who wants to see it or be involved. He very much believes intimacy is between two people, and any extra causes problems.

Anyhow, I am not looking for a sexual relationship outside of my marriage. What I am looking for is people to talk to that know my feelings and can accept me the way I am. I feel like I can't even tell my best friend because I am afraid she would feel "weird" around me.

I have a few lesbian friends, and I haven't even let on how I feel. To them I am just the super supportive straight conservative chick that fights for gay rights. However, I feel more comfortable around them than anyone else. Like I can more closely identify with them that others. I want to make more lesbian/bi friends so that I feel like I have more in common with them. Is this making sense?

Are there any forums on the net that are active but private where I could talk to others?

Like I said, I do not a relationship. Just recently I was outright hit on by a woman, and she told me she wanted to have sex with me. I was offended. I didn;t even know her. I am not about sex, I am about personal chemistry and attraction. I am about relationships. My feeling that I am bi-sexual has nothing to do with action or sex and everything to do with my feelings deep down inside. It seems to me that too many people use the excuse of being bi to be sexually promiscuous (sp?). I just want to feel comfortable being who I am and not feel like I am some weirdo.

Any advice? Any areas you can direct me?

Feel free to email me through my profile if you don't want to post back here.

Thanks,

Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:22pm

I think your friends are just trying to shield you incase your Mom's initial reaction is not a good one.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:24pm
Well my reply to that is, "come in the water is fine!"

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:27pm
Well, it's all very mind boggling right now. I am gonna go and stew in my head for awhile and work out.
Everybody have a great evening!
BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:29pm
Thanks, sista. I might just take a swim sometime!!!
BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 9:56am
It can be done with the right person and if you are honest about it with the person upfront. There are alot of people who feel the way you do. Yes, I think it can be done. ; )
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 1:18pm
More guidance needed.......
In a short time I will be at a high level union meeting on a regional level. We have a GBLT caucus and mostly I just hang around the door kind of watching. My friends tell me I should come on in. These two men have been very supportive of me for awhile now. The rest of the world won't know, they say. They will just think I am a supporter. I am thinking about attending the next meeting. It will require some discretion on my part as the rest of my local does not know my situation. I am very tempted, but this would be a big step in my life.
BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 1:28pm

I understand how you're feeling, bluediamond. I work for a public university, and the Chancellor established a commission for GLBTs to promote support and acceptance. It is something I would like to get involved in but am not sure when I will. I'm only out to one person at work. Some others may suspect.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 1:43pm

I work in the public schools and my immediate bosses would be okay, but I am not that settled, yet. They would never know, because this is not actually in the school, but the union setting. My own people(the members of our local) might find out. The only person I am out to at work is the one who rejected me. Thank God she is keeping her mouth shut. The area of my expertise has always been suspicious, but the marriage thing has kept the suspicions low with me.

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 2:10pm
Oh I hope you do go in. You could just go as a supporter should anyone ask.
It would be like sticking your toe in. Let us know how it goes.
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 10:29am

My gut on this one is to tell you to go, but only you can know what you are going to be comfortable with. The thing to remember is just because you support a GLBT cause doesnt mean you Have to be Homosexual. (though of course in this case you are hehe) But what I mean is many times I see people at Pride events with signs or shirts that say "Straight but not Narrow".

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44