Would You Ever?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Would You Ever?
45
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 10:12am
I'm a bisexual woman. 19 years old, silly, funny lively and positive. I've gone on countless message boards even watched t.v. shows where lesbians said they would never date a bisexual woman.... They would however befriend one. As a few of you may have read my other posts where i've gone to say that i've never went to lesbian bars or clubs. It pisses me off to GUESS that lesbians would look at bisexuals as a "warning sign". I don't know how true it is but maybe you lesbians can clear this up....WHY DON'T LESBIANS DATE BISEXUAL WOMEN?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
In reply to: bi_candi
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 10:02am

I had a conversation about this issue with some friends (all lesbians) not long ago. Our consensus was that all of us were perfectly okay with dating a bisexual woman. The fact that a bisexual woman might leave me for a man doesn't scare me or upset me anymore than the thought of her leaving me for another woman. If she leaves...she's gone. It doesn't matter why she left.

However, I think that WITHIN the bisexual community there is a lot of variance in the definition of that term. When I talk about bisexuals, I am thinking of women who are physically and emotionally attracted to members of both genders. They are open to dating and eventually marrying and forming a life with someone of either gender. However, I know (personally) many women who call themselves bisexual yet have no intention of ever having a long-term relationship with another woman. They enjoy the fling, but want to marry a man someday. And I also know bisexual women who want both at the same time. They want to have a public relationship with a man and a private relationship with a woman. Or, sometimes, they have a public relationship with both claiming that it's not cheating because their male partner is aware of the relationship.

I have not and will not ever so much as contemplate a relationship with someone who has no intention of being monogamous. It would tear me apart emotionally and there are too many high-risk factors physically. I'm not just talking about bisexual women here -- I would not date a lesbian who was polyamorous or who had a history of cheating.

Therefore, I would be willing to date a bisexual woman as long as she wants to be in a monogamous relationship with me. (Would have been, rather. This is all theoretical now since I'm in a committed relationship.) And almost every lesbian friend of mine agrees.

I think the problem is just that the polyamorous bisexuals and the mislabeled bisexuals (women who are just bi-curious or who have no attraction to women but are willing to have a threesome for the titilation of their male significant other) tend to be more visible. They are the ones peppering the internet with personal ads and approaching strangers in bars and propositioning them. They are the ones on tv making out for attention. The real bisexual girls are home with their significant others (be they male or female) or hanging out with friends or whatever. And lesbians get real sick of these polyamorous bisexuals and mislabeled bisexuals, and that's when you hear comments like, "ugh, I'd never date a bi girl." I think usually all it takes to change a mind in that situation is for the lesbian to meet a nice, normal bisexual girl and feel an attraction. While there probably are some lesbians out there who truly will not date bisexual women, I think the reality is that this is a "feud" that gets blown way out of proportion. I have tons of bisexual friends and I have tons of lesbian friends who have dated bisexual women.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: bi_candi
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 10:13am

Bi_candi,


You've brought up a very interesting topic, and it is something that a lot of people in the community feel very strongly about. I think you are feeling a bit attacked, and that is not our intention here at all. We are here to support everyone. When you ask a question, however, you are going to get

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
In reply to: bi_candi
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 10:20am
whew....i thought all the lesbians were going to look at me crazy.
At least you and a few other women have their heads on straight.
i wanted to clear up the things about bisexuals...but indeed did get attacked. it's cool its just a messageboard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
In reply to: bi_candi
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 11:44am
Well, I'm glad you like my answer, but I don't think you were attacked and I'm sorry if you feel that way. You asked a question on a controversial subject and you got straightforward answers. You might not have liked everyone's response, but it's a free country and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I didn't see any point where anyone was attacking you as an individual.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: bi_candi
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 1:18pm

Since I don't know the tone of voice nor the attitude of your response to me. I'm a transexual. And that was just to clear up some confusion that my response has caused you.

Thanks,

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: bi_candi
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 5:22pm
Excuse me, but in what way exactly am I difficult to educate, and throwing out stereotypes??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: bi_candi
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 2:11pm

*leaving my armor at the door*
Candi girl.
You sure made a splash.
Don't be upset. I'm not making fun of you. *smile*

I read over the posts. I didn't read any attack toward you either.
You're posts have been interesting, I hope you keep posting (after calming down). :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
In reply to: bi_candi
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 8:29pm

That was a very fine post. I totally agree with you. A grand person you are. Take care.

$ chmod a-rwx heart

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
In reply to: bi_candi
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 2:44am

It wouldn't concern me one way or another if the person I was dating was bisexual.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: bi_candi
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 3:21am
Ummmmmmm... Well Hi!~ and Thanks!~ *Smiles~ Welcome~


 C  >^. A .