attracted to my boss

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
attracted to my boss
11
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 11:32pm

Hi everyone,

I am looking for advice... sort of. I have a boss who is about my age. We are both in LTR's, and have a lot in common. We have struck up a friendship over the past few years, and she has become a close and treasured friend. I have been with my partner for over a dozen years, and love her and am dedicated to her and our life. I can not imagine being unfaithful to her, or risking what we have. Recently, I have had a few erotic dreams about my boss, Julie. I never really felt attracted to her before, which is why I think we bonded so well. It has been a very long time since I have had a close friend, as between work, school, family and my partner, I don't have a lot of time for other social stuff. So I have really valued Julie and the time we have had together. Now that I have had these dreams, I find myself feeling, I don't know, tingly around her and wondering what it would be like to kiss her. I don't want to lose our friendship, but I am trying to avoid her right now because I don't want to say or do anything stupid. This is made harder, because she has some stuff going on right now and I know she could really use a friend. Am I crazy?Overreacting? Just plain goofy? What do you think?
Thanks, Sami

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 7:53am

Hi Sami!


Wlecome to the board!


My first thought its STOP! It seems to me like going forward in any way on this would not only ruin your friendship with your boss but also with your long term partner and possibly your job.


Not to sound like Ann Landers LOL but I have often heard that sometimes relationships can begin to get stale after a certain number of years and that is why people often end up straying or at least becoming unhappy with their marriage.


My suggestion to you first is to look to your partner and really work on making that relationship fresh and fullfilling of your needs whatever they may be.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 2:04pm
Sami, if she needs a friend right now, be that friend. You can deal with your feelings for her later. Your friendship for her and the fact that she is need of suppot has to come first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 11:23pm
Hi Sami and Welcome.. I also say ..Stop!.. My opinion only also.. But..as was said by the last poster that said Stop!. you have to first or I would hope you would be true to your partner and keep yourself to her only.. unless you find you don't want that relationship any more and be honest and up front first with her.. before going anywhere with this coworker/boss/friend..

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 11:04am
Hi Sam,
IMO the STOP advice is right on target. I just wanted to say that sex in a dream isn't nessesarily about sex. Think about it another way...you are having a friendship, a close friendship with someone whom you enjoy being with. That intimacy could be interpreted as sex in a dream. What is sex? Sharing, caring, love...many of the same characteristics of friendship. If you think of it this way, perhaps you won't feel so turned on by your boss. I don't think that having a sexual dream about a woman is so strange (after all we are lesbians!) but if you try and think out what it meant it might help you to see that the dream was about something different.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Keep the friendship, but don't move beyond that. Think of what you are risking. Dream all the dreams you want and then go to you gf and give her a big hug and kiss and thank your lucky stars that you have her!
Good luck to you.
~QW7
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 11:30am

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Welcome, Samisita! So glad you posted. You've gotten some great advice, and I would just echo what everyone else has said about not putting your current relationship at risk if you truly are happy with your partner. Good luck navigating this tricky friendship, and I hope you'll continue to post with us!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 11:03am

You've gotten some good advice already.

Spring SiggyBlinkie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 4:52pm
I have to add stop! To the emotional part. Sort of pull back emotionally and think more about your LTR. All the things you have been through together and why you love each other.
Sheila and I have been together for 10 years now. I like you cannot imagine life without her. I once met someone who made me tingly like you have. I discussed with Sheila and worked it out. You have to back off emotionally.
That means her needing a friend right now is a vulnurable time and you should not be that friend. You need to be there with your girlfriend right now. Getting closer to her and valuing her more and more than ever.
I am thankful that I did not mess up and I hope you can work this out too. 12 years is a long time for something that might not even be. I am mostly thankful because our relationship is intact. The trust is there, the romance is back and we made sure we have quality time with each other and that we do not take each other for granted to "be there".
I really hope you find a way to pass through the tinglies and get them back for your girlfriend.
Think of all the things you have been through, done together, love about her, enjoy her companionship for, all the little things that gave you tinglies for her, all the cute things she does, the way she cares for you and loves you etc. How much it would hurt her if you kissed another woman or took it farther. Think more about her than you and the other woman and it will help you get over that tingly feeling for the other woman, I hope. If not then maybe it is not meant to be. But, if it is not meant to be, please talk to your g/f first about your tingly feelings for someone else. Before you do anything physical behind her back.
I hope it works out for the best.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 5:05pm

Does all that apply if you've been in a long term relationship with a guy?

Cloudy Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 5:41pm
It applies to anyone who wants to save the relationship they are in.
If you do not want to ruin the relationship with this guy, then STOP! Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00.
You really have to think about the person you are with. Is this the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with or do you need to move on.
In your situation your man gives you permission to test the waters, if I remember correctly. That was you right?
If so, you still need to think of him first because there might be a problem down the road.
But, sure it applies to guys too. If though you are a lesbian caught in a straight relationship because it is the right thing to do, then it might be time to move on at some point or when you are ready. I know it is not easy.
You are in a different situation though in my humble oppinion because you are questioning your whole sexuality. You are maybe miserable, but just do not know how to get out of it right now. ~ Sigh~ Some things can be so complicated.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 6:01pm

My guy has not clue one.
I am seriously questioning my sexuality as I have been in love with a woman(unrequited) for about 3 years. I am not even sure how it happened, although if I was being honest, I would say that I have been infatuated with two other women. Since I told her and she has cut me off of our friendship, other women are looking pretty good to me. I even think that some actresses are extremely hot.

I am not sure I want to give up this relationship because it is comfortable, but not passionate. I know he loves me in his own way, but it has not satisfied my needs. I don't think he knows HOW to love me the way I need. Yes, we have talked, but that was in the distant past. My therapist and I agree that he doesn't have much emotional depth.

Thanks for your insight. Wouldn't it be great if we knew which road to take every time it forked?
Hugs back.

Blue

BLUE DIA

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