HELP NEEDED! what do i do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
HELP NEEDED! what do i do now?
19
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 7:59am
hi to you all i am new to all this so please bear with me! OK heres my story so far and why i need some help!
I've been with my husband for 10 years we have 4 gorgeous young children, our relationship hasnt been the best over the years, but lately its been at its worst and i do love him but just not in love with him anymore, i have a very close friend that has become my girlfriend it was not intentional, but has happen and i have realised that the way i felt about my husband is nothing compared to all the feelings i have for my girlfriend, i have never felt this way about anyone before we spend alot of time together and always enjoy ourselves she gets on great with my kids they love her, i wouldnt say im confused i know what i want now, but i am just really scared i dont want to hurt the children, i just wanted to hear from someone who may have been in the same situation and maybe would share your experience with me or even some advice, i dont know whether to tell my husband how i feel and then split or just split and give no reason to him either way i think it will be messy!
please comment what you think even if you havent been in this situation,
thank you
looneyspark

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 1:00pm

Welcome, paganbeauty! It's great to have you here and to read your perspective. I'm sorry you're not able to be totally open. It's tough when you have children. Hopefully one day you can have a life together with your g/f, free of worry about your children.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 12:12pm
Hi LS where do you live?if you came out would it be tolerated? If it is then i say go for it..Take the chance ..who knows she could be your soulamte..If you don't take the cahnce you'll nver know..I don't know how old your kids are but, if they 'er older kids then i don't think they will be traumatized by it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 1:09pm
I have dealt with things like this before, And you have to be careful since you were in the relationship for so long. I'm sure you love your husband and care about him just not in the same way anymore. Tell him that you wanna stay friends but you found someone else. It is really important that you do let your kids know what is going on tho. Be out and proud. Make your kids understand that LOVE ISN'T ONLY FOR MEN AND WOMEN. I'm sure your kids will love you no matter what. You just have to be straight up honest with your husband and most of all your kids. I have been gay my whole life and dealt with everything trust me on this one... DON'T RUN WITHOUT AN EXPLANATION... Bre
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 1:24pm
I have never been in your situation but my parents did divorce when I was a kid.
Can you try a seperation first and then tell him you want out.
Tell him that you are no longer happy and the relationship is going bad. I would not mention the g/f for now or he will just blame it on that.
Can you live with your g/f for awhile during a seperation?
Would you want to leave him even if there were no g/f? In other words, were you still unhappy before this g/f became a g/f? Also is it fair to hubby and kids to stay married for all the wrong reasons? When you are not happy? Or could you leave and be happy with them all after you left?
Hugs, Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 1:28pm

Welcome, Lezzy! It's great to have you here. Hope you'll tell us more about yourself.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 5:48pm

Hi Bre! welcomesunny.gif


You had some great advice and I hope you will join in and post more! Its great to have you here.

*Hugs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 4:24pm
hi, thanx for your reply i live in devon uk and have 4 young children i dont think i will be a problem coming out just a really scarey thought but its what i wantmore than anything.
thank you
LS xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 4:29pm
hi, thank you so much for your comments it really does help, my marriage would have been over even if wasnt for my g/f its been getting worse and i know now what makes me happy so im going to go with it but im not going to tell my husband about my g/f i agree with what you said he would blame her thanx again
LS xxxxxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 6:39pm
Glad I could help some and glad you found us.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

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