Coming out jitters

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Coming out jitters
9
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 9:43am

I've been with my gf for two years. She left her husband for me. I have told a few of my close friends, but haven't told a lot of people. It is not so much because she is a woman, but that she is married. She is in the process of a divorce, and I know it's time to let people know the truth. I'm sure everyone has figured it out, but we just haven't confirmed it.

The one I am afraid of is my dad (mom passed away 10 years ago). My brother was gay and died of AIDS (he was my only sibling). We are very close, he is a wonderful person and one of my best friends. It's just the idea of telling him his daughter is gay will be upsetting to him. Just scared, I guess - I know he'll accept me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:32pm

You mention that your Dad is a wonderful person and your best friend. So you know him really well.

How will he best react - if you tell him outright or start dropping hints? Also how will he react knowing that you've kept this secret for such a long time if you have such a good relationship? That part could upset him more than what you are actually doing. And imagine what would happen if he found out from someone else?

I don't know your father so don't know the answer but wish you the best.

I've spent my entire life evading the truth about everything and it's hard work keeping track of the stories.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:40pm

Hi Irisheyes.

Go slowly and do what's comfortable for you.
Wishing you the best with your dad and other friends you might come out to. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:45pm
Well, the hints drop like bombs. He knows she's living with me, he knows she's getting divorced, whenever I say "we" he knows I'm talking about me and her. I just can't seem to sit down and say the words. He took my brother being gay very hard, and needless to say, was completely devastated by his death. He already knows - he's not stupid. I'm just having trouble verbalizing it. Thanks for replying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 3:51pm
Welcome to the board, Irisheyes. I'm sorry for the loss of your brother to AIDS, I can only imagine how hard it was to lose him so young.


As others have said, you know your father best. But as you say, he most likely knows. *smile*

I wonder if your brother letting your father know he was gay sort of paved the way for you to tell your father now? It may be hard for him to fully realize this fact, but it sounds like he loves you and will continue loving you no matter what.

I wish you the best in deciding how to tell your father.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 8:24pm

Hey, ((Irish)), this is a tough thing. The advice to go slow is a good thing. You don't have to do anything tomorrow or the next day. Move when you are comfortable in yourself. I am sure you will have lots of support from your partner. She must love you deeply. Think of all the ways that telling could go and then try to be satisfied with each of the responses you would get from your dad. Some will be hurtful and some will be okay, and some will be good. Come to terms with all that you think of. Be strong inside. Who knows, you might be pleasantly surprised, but be realistic also.

Hugs,

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 12:16am
((((( Irish )))))
I wish you all the best. If he is your best friend then he should know so there are no secrets. Maybe he is waiting for you to tell him.
I am sorry to about the passing of your mother and brother. Do you think it might be hard on your dad because of your brother?
Maybe the go slow approach is good but 2 years is kind of slow I think. As you said he knows it just has not been verbalized yet.
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 9:33am

Sometimes we think if we just don't say something out loud it wont be true.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 12:54pm

I wish you the best in telling your dad, irish. Sounds like

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 12:22pm
hi irish like i asked LS is the life style tolerated where you live?If it is then you;ve won half the abttle cuz it sounds like you'll be accepted by you family...Your situation reminds me of mine and what i'm going through..I know my family will su pport me cuz they all know what i am..It's just the place i live is in the south and are as open -minded as most ppl in the north..