this question may already be here, but..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
this question may already be here, but..
99
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 10:08pm

Hi Ladies,

I have just started checking out this board and I have been surprised to see that there are so many other women out there that are just like me! I am married and have one child. I was actually looking out for a woman to date when I met my to-be-husband. I had no intention of having any type of serious relationship with him and, looking back, am not sure why I was dating him...I already knew that I preferred being with a woman even though I had never had the opportunity to have a formal relationship in that way. Anyway, I was clumsy and got pregnant We (he?) made the decision to be a couple and raise our child together. Three years later, we got married. There was no deep romance involved...I think we did it more for convenience. Now...I am really feeling out of place and every day I think about how it would be if I could be free of this commitment and find that girlfriend that I have always wanted. My husband knows that I am (was?) bisexual, but he has no clue just how much I have lost my attraction to men. At this point, I really believe that I am absolutely gay. I have no idea what to do. So...it is nice to be able to come here and know that I am not alone.

Thanks!!
blues

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 8:45pm

Hey ((Leaf)),
Are you living my life in some parallel universe and just a little bit of a difference on life's path?
I haven't had sex with a woman, yet, but just "fooled around" as we used to say when we were kids. I think about having sex with a woman when I am with him, although that hasn't happened in a long time. I've practically sworn off of him. I wonder when he is going to come calling on me....not looking forward to it. Just want a good woman. Sorry this sounds like "true confession."
I have so thought of my dh falling for another woman and dumping me! That would make things so easy and take the burden off me. I could get used to the easy way out, but my dh is so unmotivated to do anything at any time, that finding somebody else is not a remote possiblity. If it were to ever occur, this board would know within minutes as my fingers would be dancing along the keyboard. Obviously, I don't think that wanting your dh to find somebody else is terrible. I'm afraid that when I do tell him, he will be all right with our living arrangement and won't want out. I hope our separation will be reasonable. Some on this board had a pretty easy time, and some seem downright rotten. At least people have gone before us to help us along the way.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 10:19pm
Awwww, good and corny leafy. I hope you do stick around and you are welcome!
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 10:51pm
Leaf I read down that far... and don't feel like a creep. I understand what you are saying. You just want him to leave so you do not have to do the hurting etc.
That makes sense.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 11:16pm
You are not any different from anyone else. I don't like conflict or fighting. I tried to do what you were suggesting about him finding someone else and leaving. I waited as long as I could but that strategy backfired. It came to the point where I was forced to be the one to leave. I don't regret doing it though. It was an abusive relationship. I think its harder when the spouse is nice. All I can say is you will know when the time is right. Good luck leaf.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 12:29am
Huge *Smile! ...Thats not stupid.. I laughed.... Kinda cute really.. You Go

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 12:32am

Alrighty then.. Sounds great to me.. Leaf!~ *Smiles @ Cha~



 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 12:34am
Yeppers Blue.. Thats her Favorite color..and thanks about the digginit name..*Smiles~


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 1:25am

Welcomenn to the board Leafy? lol Great gags by all!

I have to say that if the following line from your post is true, perhaps a moment of honesty with your hubby about why you both married, would be good start point. (Three years later, we got married. There was no deep romance involved...I think we did it more for convenience.) If he admits it's a marriage out of convenience, then you can start negotiating a break point. On a personal level, the honesty I'm talking about is about your relationship and not your feelings about your sexual identity or who you do want to be with. I don't think coming out to any man is a great idea before any divorce proceedings. Why complicate a touchy situation anyway! If your not happy then don't stay. Plan it and do it.

The fact that your not happy, perhaps the same is true for him? If the sex isn't there, for a guy that means two things.
1. He's gay himself and is comfortable with what you have together.
2. He's out getting it else and it doesn't matter to him as long as you don't care.

Good luck with it. I think Blue has a good game plan. She's like that since she's an ump and has seen a lot of action!

hugs


halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 8:30am

You have so many talents, Blue! Guess we shouldn't mess with you, huh?!


Hugs


Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 8:33am
Blue,if i were you i'd find a gay woman whom i'm attracted to and date her while i'm stll married and tell my husband about it and see how it works ou tand take it from there..

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