this question may already be here, but..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
this question may already be here, but..
99
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 10:08pm

Hi Ladies,

I have just started checking out this board and I have been surprised to see that there are so many other women out there that are just like me! I am married and have one child. I was actually looking out for a woman to date when I met my to-be-husband. I had no intention of having any type of serious relationship with him and, looking back, am not sure why I was dating him...I already knew that I preferred being with a woman even though I had never had the opportunity to have a formal relationship in that way. Anyway, I was clumsy and got pregnant We (he?) made the decision to be a couple and raise our child together. Three years later, we got married. There was no deep romance involved...I think we did it more for convenience. Now...I am really feeling out of place and every day I think about how it would be if I could be free of this commitment and find that girlfriend that I have always wanted. My husband knows that I am (was?) bisexual, but he has no clue just how much I have lost my attraction to men. At this point, I really believe that I am absolutely gay. I have no idea what to do. So...it is nice to be able to come here and know that I am not alone.

Thanks!!
blues

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:10pm

Blue,

Sounds like maybe we ARE living the same life, almost LOL At least I'm not the only woman in the world that wants her husband to cheat on her. Okay...so now that I know I'm not so alone, maybe I can more easily reason this out :) Good luck to us!! :)

-leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:12pm

Laurie,

Thanks for the reassurance (and the hug) :)

-leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:15pm

mich,

yeah...my husband is really good to me AND our daughter, so that makes it hard. I feel really guilty about letting things get to this point, but there's nothing I can do about it. Thank you!! :)

-leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:24pm

Halo, halo, how would you know the action I've seen? Were you there? **weg**
You weren't the one writin' those bad things on the walls, were ya? I mean, some of those things I can actually do, but I'm not a superwoman!!! LOL

Seriously, thanks for the props about the game plan. It was done to give me some peace.

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:26pm

Oh, no, Ting. You can mess with me all you want.....
Don't tell Caly. Shhhhhhhhhhhh ;)

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:27pm

Oh, don't you think I've thought of that. I don't know how many women would date a married woman for long. But, maybe I wouldn't be married for long!!!

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:28pm

Amen, Sister

:)
Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:32pm

Halo,

I think you are exactly right. Who's to say that he is any happier than I am. And we have already admitted to each other that we may never have the type of relationship that most other people have. I don't think that he will really care so much about not having me around, maybe, but he may really be upset about breaking up the home because of our daughter. I must admit that it's a concern for me as well, but I also don't want to live a "pretend" life for the next several years until she is grown, and I'm sure that he will feel that he has wasted his life, too, if we carry it out that long and then part ways. Funny thing about him is that I know he has a sensitive side (he will tear up to chick flicks when things get overly sentimental...and I'm pretty sure he's not gay, but you never can tell), but it doesn't seem like he's that worried about having real passion in his love-life. Maybe he's never had a passionate relationship before and doesn't know what he is missing. I'm definitely growing unhappy about it. We do still have sex...and actually it's more often than it was back around the time of our sit-down, but only because I psyche myself up and make myself do it for his sake. (Even though he's told me not to do that and that if I had to make myself do it then there was no point in it.) Yeah...maybe I should address the fact that we didn't marry for the right reasons and find out if it ever bothers him and/or if he ever wishes that he had been able to marry someone that he had stronger feelings for. Then again, he has said many times that he wouldn't change a thing, so that may not work either. *sigh* Okay...many many thanks to EVERYONE for "listening". The only thing I can do right now is kick back, think about it, hang out here with like-minds and wait for the right moment to break the ice. (yes...pun intended!!) You ladies are awesome!!!

-leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:47pm
Dont tell Caly what?

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 8:32pm

((Leaf))

Hang in my green friend! Let's have one of those margaritas in the other thread, and just discuss our future...... I'm right here when you need me.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA

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