this question may already be here, but..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
this question may already be here, but..
99
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 10:08pm

Hi Ladies,

I have just started checking out this board and I have been surprised to see that there are so many other women out there that are just like me! I am married and have one child. I was actually looking out for a woman to date when I met my to-be-husband. I had no intention of having any type of serious relationship with him and, looking back, am not sure why I was dating him...I already knew that I preferred being with a woman even though I had never had the opportunity to have a formal relationship in that way. Anyway, I was clumsy and got pregnant We (he?) made the decision to be a couple and raise our child together. Three years later, we got married. There was no deep romance involved...I think we did it more for convenience. Now...I am really feeling out of place and every day I think about how it would be if I could be free of this commitment and find that girlfriend that I have always wanted. My husband knows that I am (was?) bisexual, but he has no clue just how much I have lost my attraction to men. At this point, I really believe that I am absolutely gay. I have no idea what to do. So...it is nice to be able to come here and know that I am not alone.

Thanks!!
blues

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 8:35pm

I dunno, something Ting was talking about. Not messing with me, uh, well, um, I can't remember and I plead the fifth. Sometimes I can't follow her thoughts like you can. :)

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:27pm
You are welcome leaf.
More hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 11:02am

Oh, you baaaaddd grrrllll!


Watch out, though, Caly was a pretty mean paintball player back in the good ole days. She's got good aim - just ask her what she did to her son... ;-)


Hugs


Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 7:18pm

Yeah, Caly looks like she can hold her own, but I fight dirty. Honorably, but dirty. I will ask what she did to her son when she returns, if you remind me. My mind has been exploding for lots of reasons this week and my life is one big stressball. Once Memorial Day rolls around, things will settle down.

One week to joining the GBLT caucus in the union. I feel like a kid again!

Hugs, ((Ting))

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 4:15am

Hiya Leafy, welcome to our space!


I haven't read all the way to the end of this post but want to jump in here with a thought before it floats out of my head... lol, as they do.


For a while, my situation was similar to yours. Hubby knew and said go for it because he thought he'd get to be involved. (sorry but GAG!!) At that point, I loved him but didn't want to have anything to do with him sexually. I faked it allll from that point.


I was so confused, didn't want to hurt him, didn't want to anger him or lose my kids. But the knowledge of who I was had busted loose inside of me and couldn't be confined or boxed up again.


It came to me then, that I couldn't love him properly, love him as completely as he deserved to be loved. To do the best thing for him, I had to let him go. Give him the space to find someone who would love him .. all of him, including the sex. Like you, I didn't want to be the 'bad girl', the one responsible. I simply had no choice.


Wish I could say it was that easy, but I'd be lying. We had the ugly scenes, he turned the kids against me for a while and I'll probably feel guilty as heck for the rest of my life. But he also moved straight from our house into a new gf's house (a gf I didn't know about) and married her within that year. She loves all of his manliness.


If I'd stayed with him... it may have looked like it was working but at what cost? I KNOW the mental anguish I was feeling and could only guess at his. How warped would we have grown if we'd tried to hang on for years? It was the scariest thing I've done in my whole life, the letting go and following my own path. But I was more scared of what riding that emotional rollercoaster of denial would do to myself and the man I'd married.


And you aren't a creep!


*hugs* ~ Nony

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 5:33am

Whaaat did I do? lol

I must be having deja-vue again!

hugs


halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 8:47am

Nony, YOU should be a therapist, too! You could have posted this in the other thread, too, but I am happy to read it here and apply it to my situation.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 10:56am

Thanks Nony!! Your situation sounds so much like mine. I don't think he would deliberately turn my child against me, but you never can tell. Actually, we talked a little this morning and I was about to post how that went, so as soon as I catch up with the new posts from everyone else, I will do that. I think I'm even more confused now than I was before!! Thanks for the welcome :) I am really happy that I found this board!!

-leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 11:14am

OK Blue,


We are having a relaxing morning at TiNG's parents so I thought I would take a second and just reply to this one post (I will do more of course when we get home)


Anyway my XH and I played paintball for about 5 years and I have to say it was the one thing in our whole marriage that I actually enjoyed doing with him (think about it- shooting at

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 1:37pm

A woman with a good rep. THAT'S what I'm talking about!
Props to you, sister. Nice job on you son.
Never played paintball. Thought it would be fun. Stuck to re-enacting.

Blue

BLUE DIA

Pages