Letting Go

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Letting Go
79
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 6:24pm

I am a wreck about my friend, Michele. Sometimes I want to cry and sometimes I am really angry at her. This is the one who said, don't write, email, call, text. She seems so nice professionally, but GOD!!! I just want to go to her room and say "can we talk?"I can't seem to let her go. I know times heals, but not fast enough. Any suggestions out there?

Blue

BLUE DIA

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 6:38pm

Hey Blue friend, sorry you are blue.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 9:06pm
((((( Blue )))))
I think the time with no contact will be best for you in the long run. She is hurting you I know, but you also need to emotionally distance yourself from her to get over her.
I don't know what it is about the ones we can't have, but sometimes those are hard ones to get over. I only know that for me a long time ago it was distance both emotionally and physically. (She was a married woman too.) Back when I was in the navy.
Plus you run a risk of really making her uncomfortable and maybe angry if you pursue any sort of unwanted relationship or contact with her. I think you should respect her wishes my friend and try to move on. I know it won't be easy, it never is, especially when the other person does not want contact.
maybe later on down the road she will come around but for now just use the board to vent.
You know my e-mail too, don't be shy.
Does your hubby know any of this yet?
I wish I had all the answers for you, I would fix it if I could Blue.
I hate to see you hurting like this e-mail me if you want to.
Big bear hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

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http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 11:02pm
Hey there Blue,
Sorry to hear you're having a rough day. Like the other girls said, wish we all could give you a BIG hug.:) I dont know if this will help but my advice would be to give it one last attempt to say your peace about what happened. It sounds like you need to be able to apologize? explain your feelings, to somehow validate everything and to get closure. Hopefully she will let you do this. If she doesnt, then at least you know you tried one last time and gave it your best shot. I hope it all works out in the end. I know how you feel about losing a friend and not being able to explain yourself one last time. I still think about her. Everyone is right though. Time does heal and forming other relationships do too. Maybe the summer break will be helpful to you......
I wish you peace and happy endings:!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 11:07pm
(((((Blue))))))) U You have Gotton some great advice so far.. But I understand how hard it can be to go with advice.. The heart

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 2:06pm
Sorry for the pain you're going through now.(((HUGS)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 3:19pm

((((((Blue))))


I'm so sorry. You know, I'm not sure if it would help, but what if you write a letter and give it to her or leave it in her box

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 8:09pm

Hey, Laurie,
thanks for the advice. It just seems like all these posts are telling to just take the time for it to fade. It's just so wrenching. I am thinking of writing the letter thing and then deciding with my therapist whether to burn it or leave it in her mailbox.

There wasn't any contact today and I think that is better all around, but I know I will need to see her and then be in the dumps again.

No, dh does not know, but I like tings idea of watching lesbian movies, reading books and leaving them around. I don't understand why he doesn't know, I've dropped what seems like a ton of hints, but he keeps planning our retirement together and that gives me pain, also. I am just not ready to bomb him. If I feel like this with my xbf, how can I make him feel like I do right now?

Whew, that was too much.

Bluer than blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 8:14pm

Hey, mich, thanks for the helpful words
I did apologize about 4 days after the "event." She said that she forgave me. I am not sure what for. Being in love with her, telling her in front of her husband, or being gay. She says that she had moved on and no longer wished a personal relationship with me. How DO you do that with somebody that has been like a sister(okay, from her perspective) to you. She even called me family.
Man, divorce is going to be a b(&%$.

Summer break will help, I'm sure. I know they are adopting a baby this summer, though, and I will never get to be a part of that :(

Sorry, this is just me rambling.

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 8:21pm

Cat, thanks, babe.

I can see where this will stay with me forever, and I am hoping to fade into a dull pain like my back. You know, always there, but not so acute. I deserve to have it be there for pulling this stunt at such a time.
Forgiveness.....I'm trying. I don't think she would think that she needs forgiving, but that is an interesting way to look at this. Maybe part of my closure would be to email her and say that I forgive her. Wow, there is real emotional release when I think about that.
It is becoming apparent that I need to take some sort of action to get closure. I am going to ponder this for a couple of weeks. I might just have to stop feeling like the injured one and pull myself up and move on. God, she's amazing, though.

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 8:22pm

Thank, babe.

All these hugs make me feel so safe and insulated. Do I really have to face the world every day?

Blue

BLUE DIA

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