Letting Go
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Letting Go
| Tue, 05-08-2007 - 6:24pm |
I am a wreck about my friend, Michele. Sometimes I want to cry and sometimes I am really angry at her. This is the one who said, don't write, email, call, text. She seems so nice professionally, but GOD!!! I just want to go to her room and say "can we talk?"I can't seem to let her go. I know times heals, but not fast enough. Any suggestions out there?
Blue

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Telling myself it will never happen is what I did all morning. Then she came into the freakin' teachers room for lunch. WTH!!! Everybody chatted like nothing was going on. Everybody in the room knows we don't speak to each other anymore, and we were so tight. After she and everybody else left, a friend that I am out to asked me if I was okay. She thought Michele was taking baby steps. She is killing me!! This is my house, though, and I don't want a transfer. Okay, okay, I am over it. Thanks.
Came out to another friend today and all she was worried about was my dh. She won't say anything to anybody, but I don't get it. She has all kinds of questions now and I guess I will answer tham all.
Blue
Hey, laurie, it's over and it's never going to happen. Period.
Good advice, I think. Not for this week or the next, but sometime. I would just like to be able to sit down and discuss it like real adults and make a plan for our futures. Has that happened to anybody out there?
Blue
Okay, about 8 years ago Michele was hired into our building and we became very close friends. I had never met a woman like this before and we were sooooo similar. About two years after the friendship begins, I realize that I am in love with her. I would do anything to be with her. She is married and so am I. She would say things about other women like "if I did women, I'd do her," or "nobody's more than 70-30."
So what was I supposed to think. Well, early on I was in therapy to help me with my son, but then it turned to my sexuality. I was getting pretty comfortable with the whole lesbian/bisexual thing and I began to slowly come out. I mean, I know I was different from the other girls for a long time--probably as a child.
Last October, I ask Michele if she is changing the nature of our relationship, because something wasn't feeling right. She denied it. Soon thereafter we have dinner and she tells me that she can't be in competition with me anymore. I am dumbfounded because I am not, nor have I ever been in competition with her. I get it, though, she is in competition with me.
In March, her dh, Michele, and I are having dinner at a local establishment. They start to do what I perceive to be an intervention on me. People were telling stories about me partying and stuff and they were worried. I NEVER put myself in jeopardy when I party. It swung around to the competition thing again. I keep saying out loud, "I am not ready for this, I am not ready for this." I say "I'm not in competition with you." Michele says, "I'm pretty good at this and I can read the signs. I look up and say, "Well, you have really missed this one, 'cause I was NEVER in competion with you, I was in love with you." The whole world shut down around me. I know her dh was there somewhere. I say, "I can't stay anymore." I throw $20 on the table and get up and leave. Then I am out on the street when I realize I forgot my purse and had to go back. Nobody said a word.
She emails me and tells me she never wants to speak to me, I can't email her, text, or write. Problem is I know she is a tough woman, but I can't seem toget over this. That's it in a nutshell.
I was a little better today until she came into the lunchroom. Summertime is right around the corner.
Blue
lmao!!!!!!
Blue
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
You have the strength deep down inside of you to get through this.
We all do. So does your dh if and when he will need it...
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Very interesting how it all came blurting out though.
I bet that was the longest walk... to get your purse back...wow!
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
I hope I have enough strength and I am glad to make you smile. We can all use a little sunshine in our lives. I'm from the adapt and modify and adapt or die segment of the population. I am also from the Death Before Dishonor crowd, and I keep wondering if I am dishonoring anybody. I am a true warrior and I think I will find the strength to survive and then flourish from my choices.
I need you to be here, however. Somebody needs to prop me up when I fall. :)
Blue
I don't even like purses and hate carrying them!!!!! It was absolutely the longest walk of my life. I felt like such an idiot, I was scared, I was not even in my body. It seemed like one of those out of body experienes. Imagine that I got up like normal and went to work the next day. I must be crazy.
Came out to another person at work this afternoon. Did I mention that before? Sorry, I have been to a local bar to see a new talent sing...Sharon Little. Have you heard of her? Anyway, it is late and I was imbibing a little.
Hugs
Blue
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