Letting Go

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Letting Go
79
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 6:24pm

I am a wreck about my friend, Michele. Sometimes I want to cry and sometimes I am really angry at her. This is the one who said, don't write, email, call, text. She seems so nice professionally, but GOD!!! I just want to go to her room and say "can we talk?"I can't seem to let her go. I know times heals, but not fast enough. Any suggestions out there?

Blue

BLUE DIA

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 3:30am

Oh Blue ((((hugs)))) What an awful evening you had to endure!


In one of your posts you wrote that she and her hubby are adopting a baby this summer. I have to wonder if her reaction is tied to that. Perhaps if there were whispers that she were lesbian or bi...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 5:46am

There is a lot of wisdom here that I agree with, however, not to remain quiet it
sounds like you need to hear my take on things. Most people have heard me talk about these concepts before. A friend taught me a lesson I will never forget. It's as follows:

1. It's not about you. She obviously has a plan that goes in an opposite direction from you. Although it doesn't feel nice inside your heart, you can't change her circumstances.

2. Since it's not about you, then own your own heart. Put controls onto your thought patterns about her and write her off. Absence makes the heart grow finder at times, but, more importantly, she will eventually see how professional you can be and at least admire the fact that your giving her space. Put your front ump pad on and guard your heart from fast pitching ladies like her! :')

hugs


halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 5:59am

Girl you are so good here with advice for Blue... Have you thought about becoming a therapist? You think of all the angles. Always amazes me how your mind thinks! ;-) Proud of you! ((((((Laurie)))))))

(((((blue too))))))

hugs


halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 8:23am

Cat

I'm happy with whatever mental image you have of me...for the time being. I'm pretty small, so sometimes I talk big. All just a big show for what is underneath. Your "gaydar" lol would definitely ping, if we met on the street. The whole married thing really puts people off. It's been fine for awhile, but you know where I am going.

When I wear a dress, or put on makeup, it's like an actor doing a role. It's not really me. Dam, I've been acting for a very long time. Time to find the real Sue and let her out!

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 8:34am
Me? A therapist? Lol, scarey...
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 8:36am

Nony, thanks for the hugs. All of them here really do make a girl feel wanted and loved.
The rumors abound our building were that we were together as a couple, both being married. Our relationship was always very intense. Rumors always abound at a workplace when you get to be friends with somebody, male or female. People thought I was sleeping with one or both of my administrators, also. THAT would never happen. You might be right about the baby thing.
When they decided not to move to Oregon and adopt, that is when things started to change. She has said that there would NEVER be a baby coming out of her, that is why they are adopting. I might have been a fly in their ointment on a subconscious or conscious level. I will give this some more thought. You could be right about this. You are right about it not being easier, but it may be some understanding.
It just feels like unfinished business. I have never had the opportunity to explain myself, to let her know I was not betraying her by not telling her about me earlier, that I would never hurt her or her husband. I can't even say I am sorry. I am getting down in my cups here. Sorry.

It's the weekend! Let's get out and do something.

Thanks, babe.

Hugs back to you

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 8:43am

Wow, it's not about me.... Yeah, it's not about me.
You are right! I was feeling the center of the universe. I'm not that important in the grand scheme of things to think that this is all about me! It's not. Wow!

Okay, now to the moving on part. I have lots of friends...not like her...(wait, it's not about me). Yesterday, though, she was surrounded by a lot of my friends at lunch and the day before, also. I have told all my friends that I don't expect them to take sides,but these two days make me think differently. She is a very powerful force. I am wondering if she is gathering all these people around her, 'cause she is back in that "competition" mode and telling me that she can command these people by the force of her will and leave me in the dust. We will have to see what the week bring.

Thanks Halo. My new mantra is going to be "It's not about me." I am going to have to do some major work to write her off.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 9:55am

Hey Blue,


I am glad I helped a bit, I always worry that I sound like a lunitic, I try to be helpful but sometimes I think I try too hard so I don't always post... I think I come across a bit scary, lol...


And heavens no, not painful at all... I think Nony put it in perfect words, it isn't about them it is about us.. and once you get to that point, the pain goes away. I am fine, and through all of this I have made some wonderful friends that I know would stand by me no matter what! The most amazing thing is, they love me for who I am, they don't expect me to cook for them or clean for them or sew for them.. It amazes me, I don't have to earn their friendship!!! I do truly feel that she is trying hard to show that she does not have those sort of feelings for you. She is covering her feelings, and if she can't come to terms with that, then you move on and you concentrate on you and your current situation and before you know it, that special person is going to walk into your life and you will just know what you need to do!!


We are all here for you!! You are doing great! Anytime, I am out here lurking :)...


hugs

Brenda Kay

Brenda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 10:42am

(((((((blue)))))))

Letting go can be hard. Individuals handle issues such as this differently. For me, I have discovered that changing my mind's focus helps. Or, pretending I am someone else and viewing my situation. If this were my child for example, would I want this situation for her? Then, I can objectively deal with it better because I have moved the emotional baggage out of my focus.

I'll give you my carrot analogy...

Recently I decided that I was going to try and eat carrots. I don't like carrots but they are good for you and I feel that I need them in my diet. So, I bought a pack of individually packed baby carrots. This week I have struggled to eat the carrots. I had thus far only been able to finish half a small bag.

This morning after my workout I decided that I was going to eat one small bag of carrots. I set that goal for myself. When I first began, my focus was on how much I disliked the sweetness hitting the back of my mouth. I gagged several times. So, I promised myself that if I could finish the bag, I would enjoy an Enviga. Halfway through the bag, I felt myself tired from all the gagging and trying to swallow the carrots. But...I made a breakthrough because right at that moment, your post caught my eye. I read your post while eating the carrots and forgot how much I disliked their taste.

My focus had been moved. Today, I successfully finished the bag of carrots. I would like to say thank you. I am grateful.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 11:14am

oh parallel blue!!! I hate purses, too :P Is that a lesbian thing? I have a sling type bag that I carry my junk in so I don't have to feel like Ms. Dork carrying a purse...I have always felt weird carrying one and I have certainly never understood the whole designer $400 purse thing. Oh...um...sorry for the tangent. After hearing more of your story, I wonder, too, if Mr. Michele may have something to do with the no contact thing. I'm sure he felt threatened and I'm sure she had a lot of questions to answer for him after you left. He probably guessed that you guys had been fooling around behind his back. And he could have said something like, "well, if you really haven't been having an affair with her then it won't hurt you to stop talking to her"...I don't know...just feeling out possibilities. I don't see how she could feel THAT weird about your feelings for her if she joked about women being bi the way she did. I think I might just try to wait for her to warm back up a little. Still, none of us know enough about your relationship and her personality to say what the best course of action would be, I guess. Hang in there!! :)

-leaf

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