Letting Go

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Letting Go
79
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 6:24pm

I am a wreck about my friend, Michele. Sometimes I want to cry and sometimes I am really angry at her. This is the one who said, don't write, email, call, text. She seems so nice professionally, but GOD!!! I just want to go to her room and say "can we talk?"I can't seem to let her go. I know times heals, but not fast enough. Any suggestions out there?

Blue

BLUE DIA

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 11:22am

Hi Brenda!! I read your post and it's just horrible that your "good" friends would turn on you like that. You sound like a strong woman and I am glad that you (and your dh) had a chance to find happiness--it's also really cool that you are still friends :)

-leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 1:18pm

Ch, I am happy to have helped you in my unhappiness! lol

I have to tell you that you are absolutely one hundred percent right about changing your focus. I really struggled umpiring throught March and the part of April, because all I could think about was her and the situation. I wasn't sharp like I needed to be. I began making a real conscious effort to watch and focus on every pitch and every runner and pretty soon I was leaving her out of my ball games and I got much better.

The only problem is the down time, you know. When nobody is around, and your mind thinks...I have tried viewing this from her perspective and I have to admit that I thought that I(blue) had really screwed up. It was the wrong time with the wrong people, and most likely the wrong place. I just want the chance to explain it all, get closure, and then hopefully move on. I know she certainly has. Maybe I think I need the last word. Who knows?

Thanks for your help. I liked your point of view.

In fact, thanks to ALL here who have been so much help. Summer is right around the corner. I hope I am not thinking about it then, 'cause there's lots of down time during the summer.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 1:28pm

Hey Leaf,
In some other thread around here, I have asked for proper lesbian attire and that was a fun thing. I am sure there are a lot of card carrying lesibians who love purses here, one's I might like to meet lol ;)

I really like MM and we did a lot together without M while she was working or doing whatever. We went to the movies, searched and bought laptops, went out to eat. I know that sounds weird, but I know that M trusted me completely with MM. I would be surprised if she had explaining to do, but the as chmod said before, try to see things in a different perspectiv, and you might be right. I had briefly thought of calling MM to try and intervene for me, but now I see that would be impossible.

The waiting is KILLING me. That is the problem.

**taking a deep breath in.....slowly exhaling**

In control now.

Thanks, Leafy!

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 3:48pm
I carry a large purse. My partner does not carry one so, she puts all her stuff in my purse. It get so heavy sometimes.
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 4:16pm

Hi Blue,

Keeping your focus isn't easy. I know for me I am not always successful. I can understand the down time issue. Holidays are difficult for me. Last Thanksgiving and Christmas, I worried about becoming depressed. Those two holidays are down time for me because the gym is closed. So, what I did is I planned. I thought about things I enjoyed to do and I incorporated them into an activity plan. I also set goals. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I planned to organize my files. I ended up working hard the entire Thanksgiving holiday and accomplished the shredding of old documents and arranging/labeling new files. It felt good to set a goal and finish it. And, during Christmas I organized my closets. This may sound terribly boring to some on the board (and maybe even to you) but that is how I dealt with days I knew would be difficult.

For me, I find it is the unexpected that brings me down and causes me to lose focus. Like if I see a couple together or if I read about a couple planning their vacation. That recently happened to me and I experienced some saddness because I do not have anyone to vacation with. It took me a while to get back my focus and stop recycling pain.

I'll briefly tell you an experience I had. I hope you do not mind me sharing. But, I was very smitten with a lady online some time back. She appeared to feel the same about me and even told me that she loved me. However, I eventually discovered she was with another woman the entire time. It was very painful. I wondered for a long time why she did me that way. I wanted closure. Sometimes I would almost contact her and ask her to explain why. I wanted to know was I this thing she wanted to play with for fun? Was it a joke? I mean, I so wanted to know why. I struggled with that for a long time. But, I didn't ever ask her. I was sometimes angry with myself because I didn't ask. I wondered why I wouldn't ask.

Finally, while rolling it around in my head recycling the pain and crying, I came to a revelation. It struck me out of nowhere. It made so much sense...What I really wanted she couldn't give me. I really deep down inside wanted her to say she really did love me and it was all a mistake that she was with that other woman. I wanted to hear that she choose me. She really wanted me. But, I knew that wasn't true. And, that is why I never asked her. Because I knew that I wasn't going to get the answer I truly wanted. Once I realized that, I knew I had to let go. I was then really able to mourn the experience. And, I found closure inside me.

It is amazing now that I don't really need to know why she said that she loved me while with another woman. But all that took time. I guess they are right about time.

Well, thanks for letting me share that. I hope it wasn't too long.

Take care...chmod

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 6:25pm
lol...maybe that's what I could do...find a purse-loving girlfriend...then I wouldn't have to carry anything :P
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 6:45pm
That's funny Leaf... I love my purses and I love to buy them for the compartments etc...
Sheila loves them so she doesn't have to carry anything like you.
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 8:07pm

Laurie,

Now THAT'S the way it's supposed to work! I just gotta find somebody to carry my stuff....

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 8:16pm

Hey, chmod, it's never too long as I gather in advice and take what I need. I know up there in the right side of my brain, that I am not going to get what I want here, also. My left brain keeps messing with me, and it appears a lot of people here have had left brain experiences.

I just want to talk to her. Well, that's probably not completely true. I want her to love me, I guess. Yeah, "I want her to choose me." Just like you said. And I want to let go, 'cause that's not going to happen. Focus on the good stuff. Keep busy...and that is not going to be a problem in the next two weeks, so as time passes and I don't see her, the wanting and longing will diminish. God, what could have been. I would have taken really good care of her. Okay, I know that sounds stupid, but I would have.
Thanks, babe.

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: bluediamondldy
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 8:40pm
She might be right under your nose Blue...
Maybe even on this board, at a softball game...
you never know.
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

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