What the ?????
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| Sat, 05-12-2007 - 6:52pm |
Okay...by now everybody knows what my situation is. Well, this morning my husband was trying to play around with me and get me to have sex and I was absolutely not game. He was in a really good mood and I felt like I could open up to him today, so I started telling him that the new method of birth control wasn't working (we made a decision that I would go off hormonal birth control to make sure that it wasn't interfering with my libido as mentioned in a previous post) and that whenever I thought of sex, all I could think about was having sex with women. I even admitted to him that though I had the best husband a woman could possibly ask for, I had to make myself wanna have sex with him. I got upset trying to tell him about it. I told him that I felt like a creep. He said, "you're not a creep, you're just a lesbian." He asked me what I was going to do. I said, "I'm not sure yet, what are YOU going to do?" I told him that I'm not a good wife and that he needed someone that would be better for him. He joked about trading me in for a newer, shinier model (I am several years older than him). I said that she didn't have to be newer, but she could be someone that appreciated his manliness. But then he said that he was right where he wanted to be. Huh?????!!!!!! I said, "How can you say that? How could you want to be with a woman that only wants to have sex with other women?" He started saying (joking?) that I could get a girlfriend and that she could just live with us. I said, "No woman is going to want to do that!" He said that he didn't mean to BE with me AND him...just to be with me. He even said that he could move into the guest room, but that he really like the master room better because it has a bathroom. And that then our daughter could have 2 mommies and how funny it would be that the second mommy would not be daddy's new wife, but mommy's new girlfriend *looking up to the ceiling like I must be in the flippin' twilight zone* Anyway...I said, well, don't you want to find a new girlfriend. And he just joked about how between the four of us, maybe we could remember all of the things we were supposed to send to school with our daughter and whatever like that. It's like it was just a joke. But, then he said that he had to get to work and that he hated to leave during the conversation, but that we would talk about it later. So...you know...I was feeling better about the situation. Then, this afternoon, he's talking about future plans and all that for the coming years just like his wife didn't just tell him that she doesn't want to have sex with him because she is gay. I have no clue what just happened here!!!???? Can I scream now? At least it's a baby step in the direction I'm trying to go in, I guess. *sigh*
-leaf

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lol....go ahead and scream ...what about counseling of some sort,I just mean maybe someone who could explain to him in whatever language he needs like what is really going on ????
good luck to you and maybe take up smoking,lol...I think you need a way to releave stress in that situation,lol...
Are you married to my husband? Here we go again. I think that is how a calm conversation about this with my husband will go. It will be so similar. He will just think it is a joke or something if I am calm and upfront. However, when I get upset, he will then start taking me seriously. I hope.
I'm so proud of you to have at least taken the first step, Little Leaf. I'm not ready for that at all. I also don't think it was a baby step, I think it was a gigantic leap. I think your dh must live in the Land of Denial. I have never heard of somebody being so calm and even into it like he is. Not that I am an expert.
***sitting here shaking my head in wonder and confusion***
Hugs for you
Blue
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
*ding ding ding* Ten points to Blue, who
You raised some good points, Nony. And, when he asked what I was going to do...I could have said that I wanted to live life as a lesbian and let him live his suburbanite couple life with someone that was more suited to that type of lifestyle. I guess I didn't say that because I was trying to keep the shock level down--which apparently I succeeded because he never once seemed surprised or even affected. He knows that I have been with women before, so he should know that it's not just a fantasy that I want to explore. Maybe he's just thinking that I wouldn't want to split up because we agreed from the beginning that we would do our best to raise our daughter together. However, I have realized since then that she can have a happy, healthy life either way. As far as sex for him goes...I'm not sure what he was thinking because he said that he could just be like a monk. Yeah right. Anyway, at least the next time I bring it up, it won't be "out of left field."
By the way...how DID the convo in the car go?
-leaf
Well, it kind of used to be that way for me. But now, if I go flirt with women or go to the strip club with him or anything like that, I come home disappointed that I can't be with a female and I don't even want to have sex. That was really one of the things that made me realize that I might be shifting from bi to complete lesbian. Or, more accurately, that I was coming more to terms with being a complete lesbian. Because, actually, when I was having sex with him, I would visualize and think of women. Plus, I began to realize that the only men I've ever thought were attractive were androgynous types that looked more feminine than masculine. My husband actually turned out to be a more manly man than I had thought he would be, but I was already pregnant when I realized it. I'm pretty much just a mess right now.
-leaf
When people ask us where we went to college, my husband replies, "ES, where men are men and so are the women." It used to just piss me off. One day I told him how irritated it made me, and he "I know." So you know what, I have just filed that away for future reference. Oh, yeah, he'll hear it again. Although, I don't feel anything like what I envision a man feeling.....gonna have to take that up with Sebastian next time we talk.
Hugs
Blue
Sounds like you need to be true to yourself and start living your life before you get all depressed or something that you can't pull out of it.
I think I would go crazy if I had to be with a man when I am who I am.
I knew I was gay for sure when I was a teenager, had my first g/f at age 18, and never looked back. Except once when I got into the church and tried to be hetero. It really brought me down.
I explained it to my mom as if someone made her spend the rest of her life with another woman against her will. She said that would be like hell.
She is very supportive of me.
I hope you can be you soon. I know you have a marriage to think about, but what about you?
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
You don't have to be like a man to love a woman.That is what a lesbian is about right?
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Yes, yes, of course. I was just getting a little pissy about my dh. All woman here. I can't even remember why I was posting that. It was some reference to a previous post. Let's let this go and move on.
Good advice to Leaf.
Hugs
Blue
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